I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
As a Lifeguard I’m around people all the time so I enjoyed my solitude and didn’t really feel alone until I developed a major crush on someone who swims at my pool. Struggling on how to “make a move” in such a sensitive environment. My place of work, his work out place. Ideas?
Great video. I think it deepens the connection your “followers” already have with you. You’re so real. Love you too, Matthew! xoxo
100% agree this video needed to be this raw.
I realised in recent years that when I felt lonely I would attach myself to social media, that caused feelings of anxiety and even more alone.
Disconnecting from social media when I feel lonely is the best most powerful action I have learned.
I ran a workshop yesterday on goal setting and how to overcome overwhelm and one of the big feedback points was the realisation that each of them were not alone with their thoughts and doubts.
Thanks matt ❤
Great video today. As you say, in a world of tech savvy people, we tend to put our best foot forward and it’s easy to create an illusion that things are continually perfect which can serve to enhance loneliness. Your message really hits home that we’re all human and although loneliness is an isolating experience, it’s important to remember that we’re not the only ones to have felt this. Knowing that in the moment can help you feel supported. It’s a really important message and well said!
I’m not sure your timing with this could be any more perfect. To echo lots of others, I’m sitting on couch on a Saturday night, with only my dogs. None of my friends wanted to go out in our super small town tonight. Lonely is only word to describe how I feel.
I’ve been seeing someone for the last 6 months and he’s now to freaking out I feel it’s about to finish very soon. It makes me feel lonely about going back out again. He was so lovely. I have no family also but I do have lots of good friends and many things in my life work, but there just are times when I feel lonely and you’re right, it isn’t cool to talk about it which is a shame because it’s universal. So thanks for the
video.
Hiya Matt,
Coincidentally I was thinking about loneliness today. I can be a very outgoing person, but more than anything I love my moments of solitude. I find that I can connect with others more if I have been given enough time for myself first – must be an introvert thing.
Because I like spending time on my own I never had negative associations with loneliness. I was always able to separate being alone with being lonely.
The one time that loneliness hit me hardest was when I was living half a world away from my family and friends while at Uni. I was already feeling the distance but this time it was particularly bad. I had shut myself off completely from everyone for a few days while working on my dissertation. I wanted to take a break and connect with somebody, but couldn’t because of the time difference. That’s when I got this strangest sensation I can only describe as my heart suffocating. All of a sudden I felt the air being sucked out of me for a few seconds, and I couldn’t breathe. I completely understood why people say loneliness can kill because I was convinced I might die from this feeling that day. One thing I learned that day was that as much as I liked my solitude I should never isolate myself to a point where I would feel that way again.
Thank you for you raw video today. I appreciate how you dissect a topic and offer fresh perspectives on it.
A kind, generous video – thank you for taking the risk in offering it and making the decision not to perpetuate the myth of perfection that we all can participate in fostering at times.
I’m someone who can feel shattered and extremely sad ESPECIALLY after I have had an incredibly good, fun, expansive experience where I’ve felt in full flow and connection. A little like (I’d imagine) when you talk to, connect with and inspire thousands of people and then for example return home alone or to people who may not always appreciate what you need or have done.
It also made me think about Robin Williams and how isolating it can be – to be that skilled, intuitive and deeply connected to an inner pool of wisdom or talent like that – but return to a more regular life where people are not that brave, bold or inspired in thought or deed.
And so in general I’ve been thinking a lot about how important it is to structure some kind of self care into those moments of coming down. I want to work with people on a big scale/stage myself – so I think it’s a really important topic for people who are some kind of innovators and want to create some kind of success as well.
I agree with you that we can’t actually cure ourselves necessarily of these uncomfortable emotions – they are part of being human – but I wondered if you structured in some kind of support for yourself Matthew and if so, what?
Also sharing that the gifts I’ve received by being around people a great deal who don’t get me/my mind/ideas – has enabled me to trust myself and my own vision for the future even though i have so much to learn. ironically I would never have developed a capacity to be alone with my thoughts, ideas, impulses or needs – had I been surrounded by people who supported/appreciated/understood this aspect of who I am.
Big ole comment there! Love ya!
You’re amazing/delightful/insightful/yummy – I really appreciated this video and I am learning a lot especially love the videos which are about growing in social confidence – i.e. a capacity to work a room. As an “introvert” (scary cat!) type the tips are like hooks I can sink my teeth into and grow through practice. So thank yooooooo. Wonderful stuff! thx for doing the work and showing up for it/life/your path!!
Xx
Brave and genuine as always.
Especially love the part about being lonely in thought processes others don’t share.
Thank you for your sensitive soul and brilliant brain Matthew :)
Thanks for this video. It so true, no one ever says they are lonely because the misconception is that you must be a sad person, have no friends and/or something is wrong with you if you are lonely. Everyone, even the most popular people get lonely. I suspect sometime popular or famous people at more lonely than the average person. There is such a sigma associated to admitting it. I am glad you took this opportunity to bring it out in the open. It helps to be reminded that we are really not alone in this. Even though it may feel that way.
That is not to say that sometimes my loneliness is of my own making. I get busy with what is in front of me and forget to connect with people I like or family and even good friends. Then once the busyness stops, I look up and no one is around, I find myself lonely. I have not extended myself self so no one is there. It something that I can try to change.
Hey! I guess I’ve been out of the loop on who you are or who Mathew hussey really is and what you do. I’ve just only come upon your videos yesterday and figured that oh here’s another person with dating advice, and I came across them because I was feeling alone and that pressure of being in my late 20s and have yet to ever be on a date. I’m seeing my friends get engaged and married within 6 months of dating even less sometimes. Then the next year they have kids and I’m their babysitter. I always have felt lonely because ten years ago I transitioned out of foster care or state care. I’m just now learning how to survive and a lot of other how to about life and managing money. Out of all the videos and YouTube stuff I’ve watched you are the most real person I’ve seen and so handsome and confident in your knowledge. I just am grateful for finding this now and I feel like I’m behind. Please keep up being real is all I ask!
I am so grateful you spoke on this subject… And I actually wish you would do more videos in this raw, unedited fashion! This is a topic that I believe most people fear to speak of.. Vulnerability is a big fear of mine and I need to work on being more authentic and sharing.. my loneliness with my loved ones… Thank you for sharing yours!! xx
People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget the way you made them feel. – I love this quote by Maya Angelou. Thank you for your message tonight which reminded me of this quote.
I try to live this way as often as I can remember. When I greet people at work, or in an airport, even old friends, new friends…. I make it my job to put down all my guards and be genuine, open and present, no matter how quick the interaction and I find the energy does flow back. An unsaid understanding. And in the times I am alone or lonely, I remember how warm those moments feel.
In some videos Matt talks about the three levels of confidence and how the most important one is to have self-respect and be proud of yourself. I think solitude and self-reflection is the only one can achieve this. Through loneliness I learned how to have fun by myself, how to work through my social anxiety and to not waste my time on pretentious people. It’s not a pleasant experience, but I know I’ll be a more wholesome person for the good things in the future.
Thank you, Matt, for taking the stigma out of what has become a taboo topic.
My finance broke up with me last week,he has prostate cancer,my heart sank,l waited in the hope that our plans for the future would still take place,now he gave me the bad news ,we have no future as a couple,l feel so alone,l waited so long….l didnt expect things to be this way ,l constantly have people want to take me out but l am in love with him…now l feel so sad &alone,trying to move forward,lve spend so msny years alone and now here l am yet again….l will never understand why other relationships work while mine never do…..where do l go wrong :-( ,Sonja
Matt, Thanks so much for this video. I was just awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, and feeling very lonely. I got divorced about a year ago, and have not had much success in love, in spite of some effort. Sometimes I feel like that expression, “water water everywhere, and not a drop to drink” when I look around me at other people – couples, friends, guys in general. Also, the popularity of texting makes me feel pretty lonely at times. While I am happy to be connecting at some level through texting, I just want to hear the other person’s voice sometimes. Things aren’t all bad in my life. There is hope, and I am working to improve my situation, but I do feel quite a bit of loneliness quite a lot. Thanks for bringing this up and sharing. -Michelle
Hi Matthew, thank you for this video today. I’ve spent my Sunday (and most of Saturday) alone. I’m single, my son was at his dad’s for the weekend, friends have moved away, others are busy having family Sunday, I didn’t reach out to anyone, so I’ve spent the weekend feeling rather lonely. I spend a lot of time on my own and normally it doesn’t bother me, I’m too ‘busy’ to think about it. I run a successful business, I’ve just launched a second (in the self help industry ;) I study part time, I’m a mum most of the time. Its just when Sunday’s come… I wish for that special someone to spend time with. I’ve watched most of your videos, read your blogs, watch your periscopes – I think what you do is amazing. I’m not unattractive, men generally find me very attractive. Sometimes I feel too much, too intelligent, successful, kindhearted, I have my act together… sometimes it intimidates them – I do know for the right one, it won’t and I’m sure someday I will find him…. That’s all, I just wanted to say thanks, I appreciate this video today. One day, when my platform is larger, and my coaching is kicking along, I hope to collaborate with you on a project (out there I know) but the universe is a wonderful thing, and you never know. :)
Hi Matt thank you for the wonderful video have been divorced 3 years now and last night I went out and I thought that there was a gentleman that was interested in me I went as far as giving him my phone number but then I talk to my friend and she said that she had heard that he was homosexual but from all the signs that I was getting I thought that he was hitting on me and he’s enjoying me hitting on him but I don’t know if that’s true or not but lately I’ve been feeling very lonely because I’ve been on the online dating thing for about 5 months now I’ve been divorced 3 years I have no I had a new boyfriend I haven’t had anybody serious and I’ve been feeling very lonely I’m not having any luck with online dating all I get are Scammers wanting all my personal information and me sending them money and this and that and the other thing but no real man a real dates and every time that someone does actually attempt to set up the date I get stood up so I’ve been feeling pretty lonely lately so thank you for sending us a video it shows that even you get lonely I don’t know if you’re single or not but it’s nice to show that it’s not just me there’s others out there even you ☺
I enjoy all the videos, but this one especially makes me wish I lived on the othe side of ocean and was 10 years younger :D
That was a very real message that I appreciated. I am a media personality ( Presenter, Voice-Over Artist, & I do some Modelling & Acting). I’m very active in social media & everyone thinks my life is a blast 24/7 – I’ve had difficult circumstances in my past & aim to live all my dreams & go out there & just live in a . I will be getting involved in inspiratalks later this year- but I 100% hear u. I can feel terribly lonely at timed- despite being surrounded by many. Thank you for sharing this vid- mada me realise that everybody is going through the same thing – even Matthew Hussey!
Im glad u brought this up. I actually watched one of ur videos a year ago and it helped me to be more confident with men. I unfortunately stopped taking time for myself and focused all of my attention on my children. I’m not saying its a bad thing but when you start to seclude yourself from everyone else, it can become unhealthy. I have recently felt very alone, especially at night once the children are in bed and its my time to think. I’ve lost that confident woman who could take on the world and I make excuses not to go out and meet people. It’s easy to FB, IG and text but not so easy when it’s time to meet for coffee or a drink. I appreciate you bringing loneliness to light as I am now going to work on some steps to get out of my comfort zone no matter how uncomfortable that may be. Fear is a nasty thing but always the first place to start. Thanks again Matt