I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
Shear honesty I think this is what the world needs to see more of! Social media is is so prevelant in our culture these days, and the lonely and disconnectedness, that we all feel sometimes I’m sure, makes us feel the need to use it even more in order to feel we’re worth something in comparison to everyone else and what they’re posting. I think we forget what it is to just be human and connect to one another, without judgement or with a need to impress. And it’s blogs like this with honesty, that bring us all together! Don’t feel lonely Matthew either! We’re all in this together like you say :)
Love and peace!
Hi Mat, u re a really nice and intelligent person. thank u to being like this :)
For me was interesting to hear about the different kinds of lonelyness. U re complitely right. I never thought about this before, but after your video I have a clearer view on my feelings. thank u and take good care of u!
Sounds like you need more high value friends in your life so that when you come home after a tour, you have that circle of people that just get you. The ones you can laugh with, have deep intellectual conversations with, talk about the latest books you’re reading….
I’m available!:) My name is Summer Snow, and I too need more high value friends in my life. Let’s connect!
https://www.facebook.com/799134181
“You won’t be lonely when you find your tribe”- Summer Snow
“It can get lonely at the top. You have an image and people see only that. Seek those who really see you. In them you will find what’s been missing” – Summer Snow <3
Love watching your videos, especially those not relating to flirting and dating since I am already married with 2 kids. I have a strange relationship with loneliness. I hate it and I love it at the same time. I feel lonely around people, yet I cannot wait to be just with myself at the end of an agitated day, even if that means sacrificing a couple hours of sleep. I guess that means I’m an introvert? Anyways, I am trying to learn how to be more social from you if that is at all possible.
I enjoyed your thoughts on loneliness. Yes, you can even be lonely in a marriage, as I was. We are all alone at times and that can be good. When it gets to be the majority of time, that is much more difficult. Especially when you find yourself divorced, children raised and gone, and no man in your life. Weekends are difficult to be alone. I didn’t think I wanted to get married again (after an emotionally abusive marriage) until I found myself alone. I am a social person and realize I would love to have a man back in my life. It has been 8 years and I have done lots of work on myself, but have not been able to find a quality man…yet. I was used to a house filled with laughter and love and now find myself alone. I am still happy and have good friends and family, but you still feel alone. Until you have truly been alone, I don’t think you fully appreciate what others go through! Thanks for listening and thanks for your videos!! I found this one heartfelt and could relate what you shared!
Hello Matt. Tku again fr sharung yr feelungs of loneliness & u really have opened up a much needed dialogue with yr folliwefs as I am still reading comments. Even tho work hard all day and smetimes night too we can still feel lonely. I hope u feel a bit less lonely today and enjoyed yr radio segment too. Keep up the good work. Luv to u & yr family & staff. Luv Gigi XOXO :)
Thank you for this, I have been alone for weeks, with an idea I can’t get out, I can’t find anyone who shares it or even anyone I can share it with. It is about love, I am very lucky to have a lot of close people in my life who love me but I still feel alone with this idea. I want people to understand that love is not limited and the more they give the more they get and to never be afraid of showing or giving love, but for some reason I can’t get this across to others, they don’t get it, and I am so alone I feel drained. I listened to your video and it was good but at the end you say “I love you” and I knew someone else got it. Thank you, I love you too.
Just wanted to add one more thought. I think we need a balance of songs about ”hoes and money, ect.” (because it’s fun) and songs about real, relatable topics. We need our silly songs, movies and entertainment because it helps us break out of our seriousness and allows us to connect with our silly side. But too much of it can be numbing and cause to disconnect from ourselves, others and reality. But without it life would just be to hard and boring. I appreciate both the surface level fun and the deeper rooted topics. Both are vital.
I look forward to seeing you speak on more serious topics like domestic violence (you’d be surprised how many women would relate) along with continuing to do more lighthearted (but meaningful) videos about dicks ;D
And I love Jameson, but good thing you didn’t listen to him this time! ;)
Great video! And an important one!
I’ve recently discovered that when I create based on my purpose it gives me some emotional relief. Creating and being in alignment is what I’m here on this earth to do.
So yes I get lonely. Yes I miss the ex BF I had to break up with all the time.
But I now know that creative purpose driven work snaps me right out of this. And shows me the possibilities that I want to create in my business and in my life.
Currently I’m writing daily blogs, my first book and creating an audio training.
Fun stuff!
So much possibility!
Matt, you have helped me more then you will ever know. I’ve only just begun the journey of starting to meet new men and hopefully will get to start dating soon. Your ideas for text messages are genius.
Keep on rockin’ it’s working
xx Julie
I was sitting here in my room alone and I got this message. I just broke it off with my family a few months ago. My boyfriend and I ended it a month ago, because I’m not having sex before marriage. I also hold religious and political views that are loud and controversial, and it’s alienating, especially to the spheres I used to be around. I don’t mind being talked about and personally attacked as much as I hate the loneliness of it. My views and personal dignity are very important to me. However, even having strong views doesn’t make you friends with people with your views.
The loneliness is the worst part of building yourself from the ground up. The stronger a person you are, the more you feel it. But loneliness doesn’t necessarily make you a stronger person. It’s a negative side-effect of being a strong person, or even of being your own person. Not only do people leave you, but the smallness of your importance, even to your friends, becomes illuminated.
My hair has been falling out. The doctors say it’s from relationship stress. It happens sometimes when a family member dies, for instance, that it goes through telophase and falls out at once, instead of gradually. Apparently, it will regrow in a year. However, I’m scared. How much of it will fall out by that time? What if it’s something else and I need hair plugs and there’s no hair? It just keeps falling out, and I can only hope that it will grow back.
I guess it’s just about taking one day at a time. That’s one of the good cliches. Now that I’m out of the worst of it, I can focus on the now and I’m not in an unhealthy relationship of clinging to and worrying about the future.
I’m the type of person who stirs things up, whether I try to be or try not to be. I’ve decided that that’s who I am. I’m not the nice, considerate person. Some people do better with diplomacy, others with war. The more I push myself, the more seriously I’m taken. It was never a matter of me being right or wrong; it’s only been a matter of asserting myself and knowing how to assert myself. It’s not a path where you can rely on people to be there to help your loneliness.
I ran into this and it sounded just like me at just the right time. Maybe it’s God looking out for me. You read my mind. I was thinking about my ex, totally in love and totally broken-hearted, getting on to talk about it to a friend. The friend couldn’t lend me money when I was worried, and that’s when my ex stepped in. The ex was mean, and so then I messaged the friend. I’m 100% confused by everyone in my life, who shows me kind of a mixed-bag: admiration and distain, love, hate, and indifference. I’m confused about every individual and every collection of individuals.
It makes people exhausting and not worth getting out of bed over. At the same time, it makes you starved for love. It’s like being in a food-court without money. And some people have it even worse, and they’ll claw at you if they smell food on you. I can’t be around those people, even though I ache to.
thank you matt. this came at the perfect time. THANK YOU SO MUCH
Love this…I was feeling this way this weekend. even though I have tons of support and friends. I just got out of a long marriage and I sometimes miss that connection with someone. But its good to know I am not the only one that feels this way. Thanks for sharing. !!
You do make me feel less alone. The most important thing to me is something you probably don’t even notice; which it’s that you call me by name in your emails. I realize that it’s probably a system generated thing but it really grabs my attention and warns my heart when I’m blindly reading through the email and your voice in my mind stops and says “GINNY; …….” It makes me feel like you’re talking just to me… and it feels really good, especially at the times when I AM feeling that loneliness. Thank you for doing what you do and please don’t stop. Take care and God bless.
I read once that loneliness is part of the human experience. I find it helps to embrace it-to tell myself what I’m feeling is loneliness, and that it is ok, it’s normal, and it will pass. And then I try to do something for me like read, draw, watch movies,
Go for a walk. I find that being in nature makes me feel so connected when you listen to all the birds, insects, and mammals all around you.
I have actually found that since I got rid of Facebook, I am less lonely. I don’t have a constant reminder that everyone else is “happy” when in reality they’re really not. I distance myself with social media and only
Use Instagram, and only once a day maybe instead of being on Facebook 7 times a day like I used too. I’m more connected with the world around me now. I talk to people more, I compare myself to people
Less, and I don’t lose myself in social media.
I think that social media actually makes people MORE lonely, ironic since its sole purpose is to connect. When you’re lost in another world, trying to connect with others but you’re really comparing your life to theirs, navigating a world of complete strangers, you’re going to feel less and less connected. What does make me feel connected is picking up the phone and calling family or a close friend, or having a real life conversation. You’ll be surprised on how much better you’ll feel when you actually “connect”. This is such an important topic and I’m so glad you brought it up Matthew! It helps to know that we are not alone in this. Even animals can experience loneliness!
Hi Matt,
Great video as always! Am really surprised to hear that you’re lonely too sometimes…I would think you’d know so many people through your work and can always be dating someone fabulous. Curoiusly comforting to know that even someone who is as smart, funny, insightful as you can feel lonely and that others do too. Thanks for helping me to keep it all in perspective. Have a great tomorrow. Love, Marilyn
Great topic Matt, The suicide rate just went down. :) It really isn’t talked about enough, is it? And not everybody has the same ability to cope. I especially want to tell you Matt that you are not alone in the way you think. It’s what keeps me watching your videos more than anything else. I can tell you have a real drive to do your part in changing the world and helping people, and the faith it can be done. I work for the same thing in my song lyrics and stories. Loneliness and Self Esteem (two things your videos address to remedy often) have been two long time concerns of mine, too. I hadn’t intended to mention this initially, but it just occurred to me with everyone talking about loneliness, that this might be a good occasion to mention a website I created some time ago, http://outcastsunited.blogspot.com/ . It never got the traffic I hoped it would, but I made it for just this kind of thing. I made it to be a forum where people can see how many feel the same way and people who’ve been there and are stronger in their self image could mentor those hurting too deeply. There are still things I could add, but there hasn’t been any point if nobody comes. I hope some of the people commenting here will try it. And I hope you’ll check it out Matt, and if you think it can help people the way I do, maybe you’ll pass the word. –When it comes to me and loneliness, I’ve been the outcast alone a lot, but I’ve always found the few people who chase loneliness away. I still have longings, but I also need my alone time. In the past I believed that I was supposed to be connected at the hip in a relationship, so my goals in writing and friend and family relationships suffered from lack of attention. My new goals are to find someone I can be with and share everything important to us and still have my own life and he his, so we can both have the time we need for our separate interests. By the way Matt I don’t think you rant. But that may be cuz I tend to go on, too. :) Too many ideas to express. I’m not ashamed of it. ;) Okay, this is longer than I intended, but one last thing. I hope you’ll consider being my friend on Facebook. I’d love the chance to connect.
This has struck a cord more than you know and I believe will be very much appreciated by most if not all of your audience. It illustrates a vulnerability in you which helps me personally relate to your point. I love your humour (I am Scottish so I know you will understand this)..and always enjoys your posts but sometimes you just get it spot on and this in one of them.
take care and thank you.
Having someone simply be honest and say that they feel lonely too, has probably been one of the most liberating things I’ve heard in a while.
We all feel lonely, but somehow it reduces the loneliness to know that we’re all in this together.
Thanks Matt.
Matthew,
Heart achingingly beautiful, raw and authentic. Thank you for not editing and just emoting.
i am humbled and in awe of your courage.
And yes you are right this topic is hardly ever talked about. I do intuitive life and business coaching and it is one of the topics I talk about with my clients. I have found that we all get lonely and that yes there are different types of lonliness.
I always tell my clients that in or out of a relationship – employed or unemployed – doing well financially or in a time of low funds – that we all feel like we are alone and no one can relate. But they are wrong…..Someone in their circle of influemce is or has been that kind of lonely.
Bravo for taking the risk – being vulnerable – and being real!
This video and your courage will help a lot of people. Bless you for this video and all you do. And on teh days you wonder why you are doing what you do and making a difference.
This video and the responses you have received prove that you and your team do make adifference and your work – thoughts and guidance is needed by so many!
Blessings to you and your team…..today and always!
Cheers!
Mini Jacques
One of your most honest videos I´ve seen so far (trust me I´ve seen them all) It shows a more realistic and true side of you and I think of all of us, we all feel lonely at times and as you say it´s just not something we like to talk about because we want to be acknowledge as fun people that have interesting lives all the time and it is what we show on our facebook IG or whatever… It is okay to be real with all that comes with it…
Love,
Maru.