I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
Matthew, I LOVE your videos and I couldn’t have found you at a more better time in my life! I am 53 years old, a Lymphoma survivor who was divorced (after 24 yrs) in 2009, AND, 1 month after my diagnosis. It was a lot to go thru but I came out on the other side, a much stronger woman than I ever imagined! I am now at a crossroads where I am tired of feeling alone, but at the same time, I find myself struggling to enter the dating scene again. My last “date” was in 1983! HAHAHA! I’ve been on two online dates (UGH!) and I’m not really into the bar scene any more so I remain positive, that someday my Prince will come. A tad “airy fairy” but it’s my dream to be loved in a way that I have NEVER been loved before and I know it IS possible. I cannot thank you enough for your inspirational videos and I learn so much from them! Thanks for what all you do, Matthew! XX
Thanks Matthew, I always enjoy your video blogs – and the IMPACT series incidentally, I may even get to write something on that too – but it has to be from my heart.
We can all get lonely at times. I’ve had to have a lot of time alone due to illness – but I’ve had to get comfortable with that. I had to pare my life down to the absolute necessary minimum in every way, then gradually as strength increased I could add in things that bring joy which knocks on etc.
That loneliness so often comes from looking ‘out there’ for something, that if we gave utter no holds barred kindness and loving to ourselves in a way we would love to receive from others, we are somewhere towards getting some good good feeling. Not taking away that we were absolutely put on this earth to ‘relate’ to one another and support and enjoy each other’s company, so connect with your ‘planet earth’ family even in tiny ways, wherever you are. People appreciate those ‘human’ moments.
I’m lucky enough that in my life I’ve had experiences with the energy around me, call it spirit, call it universe or God – and I know we are all worthy of expressing ourselves and my goodness we are loved!
Loneliness is very real, it’s when we feel separate and different to others, sometimes when we feel special or we ‘specialise’ others. We are all parts of the whole, with our unique qualities, connected in consciousness if we just allow it.
Don’t be afraid, reach out with confidence, there will be someone reaching out to you.
Have a blessed day people x
I feel extremely alone because I see myself as an overweight middle-aged woman that no one would even care to be around.
Thank you Matthew, great video!
It reminded me of a beautiful poem, “The Night of December” by Alfred de Musset. Here are the last two stanzas:
“I am no god, nor demon quite,
And you entitled me aright,
When you the name of brother gave;
Where’er you wander, there shall I,
And when your time has come to die
I’ll come and sit upon your grave.
Heaven has entrusted me your heart,
When you have trouble to impart
Seek me without disquietude.
I’ll follow you along your way;
But touch your hand I never may.
My friend my name is Solitude. ”
Enjoy your Sunday everyone :)
Hi Matt, thank you for keep showing the elephant in the room in this crazy fake world we live in. I often feel lonely due to all of the things you mentioned…every type of them….Your videos help… I often share your opinion in things if by any chance you feel alone in that… if we like your videos it’s because somehow we agree with you too….. Keep going..and if you’re ever want to just chat with your followers….do a session of just chat … no questions from us just a chat :) You picked the right time to do the videos too…I get them on Sun mornings…here in the UK … also have your other programmes… thank you for all of these. You take care and have a nice day
Ah Matt! I wish I WAS alone! I love my own company. I’m great I make myself laugh! I have the most stressful family it’s a daily onslaught of nastiness and I would rather be lonely. I know that is something I can remedy easily, there are meetups, parties, friends and socials galore that one can go to. You can connect on deeper levels with old friends. In fact, I just did a “loneliness quiz,” and scored “little to no loneliness. I have a dog and 2 cats to keep me company and good empathic friends. Though most of all I love my solitude. Perhaps it’s not loneliness that is the issue for most but intimacy?
An addition, one thing I completely LOVE is dates with myself. Eating in a restaurant by myself, coffee by myself, museums etc etc. I LOVE IT. I did a big campaign of this type of activity in 2012 during the Olympics I went to loads of games by myself, went to Thriller Live by myself. I LOVE IT. Cinema by myself with a big box of popcorn. It feels so indulgent to me. I love my own time and my own company I just cant get enough of it! I’m envious of people who have lots of alone time.
Hi Leena. I think u hit the nail right on the head, at least fr me INTIMACY and there is more than one type of intamicy. Thx fr that sweety.
Hi wow, i have been talking and thinking to myself allday about this lonely feeling i have. i have admitted it to myself that im so fucken lonely i feel crazy but surrounded with people but still lonely i try to talk to people and tell them im lonely but i think i put them off so i stop talking. And when im alone i go back to my lonely self. Im grateful i come across your video i dont feel so weird and crazy as i did and reading everyones comments is helping me to help myself with this lonely ass feeling. I have a rich life and dont want to sound selfish or take anything or anyone for granted. I just needed help on dealing with this lonely stink feeling its crazy. And im not the only one cheers :)
Hi Matt, thank you for showing the elephant in the room in this crazy fake world we live in as usually. I often feel lonely due to all of the things you mentioned…every type of them….
Your videos help…
I often share your opinion in things, if by any chance you feel alone in that… if we like your videos it’s because somehow we agree with you too….. Keep going.:)
…and if you feel like having some on line company, and you ever want to just chat with your followers….do a session of just chat … no questions from us just a chat :)
You picked the right time to do the videos too…I get them on Sun mornings…here in the UK … also have your other programmes… thank you for all of these.
You take care and have a nice day :)
Hello. I’m Agata. After watching those videos of Yours I noticed that You’ll be around the time of feeling lonely – it’s a time of a change.
I also think that You’ll feel the need to be more personal in those videos – if I’m correct You will start to wonder what is the main reason You put them out there. I think that the reason has changed for You. I’m curious about whether You will force Yourself to continue with Your project or will You take this moment to go through a thourough metamorphosis.
Please, excuse me for this second and last personal message here. But I see You with the energy You talk about and start to ponder over. You are not alone.
Kisses and best wishes,
Agata
Thank you Matt for shining a light on this, especially the loneliness from lack of people who share our ideas. I am experiencing that as i am transitioning to a new carrier path/my calling.
Thank you for making me feel less lonely :-)
You rock.
Flavia
Mathew you are not alone, you have made it your life’s work to cure the loneliness of others and the many people that surround you, and the lives you have touched are happy to hear your continued messages of hope. This time I want to send a message to you… You are right, we are all connected and your loneliness is mine and vice versa. We may feel lonely at times but together as a community seeking more, seeking better, seeking healthier and happier lives, we are and will never be alone. Much love
Good video, Matthew. Like any emotion the feeling of lonliness can be transitory; as you pointed out, you went to your day not being lonely but came home with the feeling. Loneliness often occurs when we compare ourselves to what other people have got, seeing a couple hand-in-hand for example, when you are on your own. However being able to handle being on your own is the route to emotional security, bringing freedom and independance. Solitude helps in freeing the mind, allowing it to wander and problem-solve. It is like a shower for the brain. Best wishes to all.
Hi Matthew
I don’t usually leave comments but this video touches in a different way. Loneliness is really tough. I felt it every time I have moved country. different culture, language, people…. Everything to make you feel you don’t belong, and since I’ve left my own country for so long, I don’t quite belong there anymore either. And everytime the same struggle of pushing myself to go out vs hide away…. Loneliness is something we probably should talk more often.
But since the retreat, I’ve now learned how to turn around my thought and I now see my moments alone as date with myself, my special quality time and now I really enjoy those moments.
So thank you☺️
Thanks for this video Matt. Ad udusl, your timing could not be more perfect.
Thank you Matthew
Matthew, I think you will like this poem about loneliness.
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/245980
Thank you Matthew. Your video came at a perfect time for me.
Lovely heart felt vid.
Earlier I was texting a friend who lives a long way away and currently with her mum who is spending her last days in a hospice. She was saying how enormously kind the staff have been there and that my texts made her feel less alone in this devastating experience. In times of extreme pain we can feel our most human and connected.
Love to all mum’s on this UK Mother’s Day
Individualist is always alone. It’s part of what you have to pay in life…
Even though I am , I do not complain at all. I would never want live a deferent life even was painfull.
I love who I am and I do not want change at all.
I have great time when I am alone I am never bored.
Wirginia
Can you be specific.
Your videos are bit boring
Love you for sharing your heart, Matthew. You have inspired me to address loneliness on one of the “free of fear” videos I’m creating for women.