I’ve been thinking about moving in with my current boyfriend of 15 months, we love each other very much and think that moving in seems like a good thing to do, will this make us happier or drive us apart?”
Matthew’s Answer
Hey thanks for writing to us,
Moving in together with someone you love after a substantial amount of time is often the natural next step, and a good test to see if the relationship is as strong as you think it is.
Here are 3 tips to get your relationship strong and keep you from being driven apart.
1. Maintain a certain level of privacy
Moving in together and living in close quarters comes with a minefield of issues surrounding privacy.
Yes, you love each other and know each other intimately but this does not mean you need to see each other on the toilet, pick up each others dirty underwear or witness rituals that should be kept private such as the removal of belly button fluff or the plucking of ingrown hairs!
Outline some boundaries and stick to them.
2. Keep your own lives
Living together does not mean you automatically have to spend every waking moment together.
Make sure you both continue to have lives apart from each other. Go on nights out separately from each other and it also important you let him have time in the house or flat with his friends and that you do the same.
This will help prevent you from feeling stuck with each other and make the time you do spend together more special.
3. Maintain the spark
Don’t let the fact that your living together mean you can take time together for granted.
You don’t want your alone time to always be a night in with dinner and the TV simply because that the easiest way to spend time together. Make an effort to still go on dates together, to dress up for each other and have quality time talking to each other instead if just co-existing without connecting.
Hello, Matthew. I have a question about my boyfriend and don’t really know what the process is to submit queries, so i’m trying this route out. This is a complex one, so i’ll try to keep it as brief as possible:
I am 25, and my boyfriend is 36. When we go out he’s very open about which girls he is attracted to, acting in the same way I imagine men act when they are with other men (stares, comments, suggestive facial expressions or gestures). His male friends (even when I’m around) act in this way as well, and I think part of his behavior is a zen to prove he has not been changed or tamed. Though I respect his honesty (about not pretending like these attractions suddenly died the instant he met me), I find myself hurt when that same excitement is lost at home. I have tried walking around in enticing undies, texting naughty things to build up anticipation, pointing out how sexy I find his hair/arms/outfit/whatever, but it doesn’t yield the I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off reaction that I want. When I approached him about it, he said that his sex drive has diminished greatly with age, and I admit I have no real reason or evidence to suggest otherwise, but (ever the perfectionist)I feel like I could still do something to make the situation (for both of us) better. Any suggestions?