Overnight, your life has turned into one of those romantic movie montages that show the highlight reel of a perfect relationship, except instead of the montage spanning a year or two, it’s hitting those milestones after a few weeks.
And then, of course, it happens . . . he starts to pull away, and before you know it, he vanishes completely.
If this sounds familiar, then this video is for you as I share 3 tests that will help you spot a love bomber.
Do you have a love-bombing experience of your own? Drop me a note in the comments . . . I want to hear about it and whether you found this helpful.
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Matthew:
How do you spot a love bomber? Is the person you are seeing right now love bombing you? Or are they just some sort of wonderful romantic that you should be throwing yourself into the arms of and enjoying all of the beautiful feelings that are being created? Let’s perhaps first define a love bomber.
A love bomber is a sort of love vampire. They know that love is both the objective and the weapon. The objective, because love is that feeling they’re trying to get, and it could be different forms of love. It could be making love, it could be sex. Or it could be the giddy feelings that they really enjoy in the early stages of a relationship. Treating you like you’re some sort of fresh canister of love to be used up like an aerosol. And then, when you’re running empty, they move on to the next person and get the giddy feeling all over again.
They use love as a weapon because the way that they create those giddy feelings is to give them to you, is to give a huge amount of energy and investment early on to tell you very grandiose, dramatic things about how wonderful you are, about how strong their feelings are. They do things that aren’t earned at the level of relationship you are at with them. All in pursuit of a stage of connection that is not organic to where you are right now. It’s kind of a hack, isn’t it? If I can get you to fall in love really quickly, if I can get you to feelings of love really quickly, then you’ll start doing for me, the kinds of things that you wouldn’t normally do this early in the game. Which might mean more attention, more sex, more investment, or just a portrait of myself that feeds that feeling I want to get about how wonderful I am. If I can make you fall in love really quickly, then I get to feel awesome.
I get to prove yet again, that another person has fallen for me this hard, which is especially desirable in people who don’t feel enough themselves. If they can make you fall in love, then it’s the latest representation, the latest evidence for the fact that “I am enough”. The problem, of course, with someone like this is, because they don’t feel enough, because they are in pursuit of something that can never be achieved that way, it’s never enough. So your love is never enough. They will keep searching for it and searching for it and searching for it. Even if you give it to them, they still won’t feel good enough, they still won’t feel whole. So they start looking for it elsewhere and the cycle continues. This is a very dangerous person to be around.
Not every love bomber is incredibly conscious about the fact that they’re doing it. I would actually argue that, in the real world, it’s not filled with these malicious love bombers. I would say that, in real life, there are lots of people who don’t realize that this is their pattern of behavior. I think that a lot of people use someone up and then move on to the next person because they don’t feel satisfied at the end of it. And they think that what they’re looking for must be available in the form of a different person. So they keep doing the same thing over and over again, hurting people deeply, breaking people’s hearts, and not being able to fix the pattern of behavior in themselves in the process.
But this video isn’t about empathizing with that kind of person, who I do still believe deserves empathy. It’s about protecting you from that kind of energy that can not only waste incredible amounts of your energy and time, but can leave real wounds that you then have to heal from.
I wanted to give you three tests in this video that will allow you to know if the person you’re seeing right now is a love bomber or someone who can make you happy.
Test number one: is the level of attention you are getting from this person or the words they’re saying organic to where you are actually at with this person? If you go on a date with someone and all of a sudden they’re writing you poetry and saying these very grandiose things. If they’re going well out of their way for you in ways that feel like, “My God, why are they doing all of this?” Or they say things about their feelings for you, or about how incredible you are when you know, “You don’t even know me that well, I can’t possibly feel accepted and loved by you when you only know a tiny slither of who I am.”
If that’s the case, then we have to have our wits about us. Because what we’re receiving from someone is not based on us, is based on a projection of who someone thinks we are, or of who they’ve decided we are so that they can feel a certain way. It doesn’t mean we are not wonderful. It just means at this stage, how they feel or how they’re saying they feel can’t possibly be personal on the deepest level, because they don’t know us on the deepest level. The danger with a projection like this is we are not safe, their feelings aren’t based on a real connection. It’s based on something they want to feel. And it won’t be until they actually get to know us that we’ll know whether that feeling is sustainable or not.
Now, look, is it true that some people are just romantics? Some people just, they’re more flowery in their language. They feel intensely and they want to express it. Sure. And that doesn’t always come with bad intentions. It’s also true, by the way, that some people are insecure and they want to go out of their way to make you happier, to please you, because they want you to like them. While what you’re experiencing from them might be an indicator of how they’re feeling right now, it’s not a good predictor of whether that feeling is going to last once they actually get to know you. What this point proves, if anything, is that when someone moves in an inorganic pace, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a love bomber. But there is a way, if you’re starting to feel uneasy about the pace of things, that you can confirm whether they’re a love bomber, and that is with test number two: do they react badly when you try to slow it down?
If you feel the pace is too fast for you, and you say that to them, “Hey, I like you. I’m having a great time, but I feel like this is a little fast for me. Or I want to get to know you a little better before that. Or before we take a trip together, or before we do some of the things you’re suggesting. Or I don’t have every night this week to see you. I’m going to see my friends and I have other things I’m going to do this week, but I’d love to see you on Saturday.” If you say those things, how do they react? Do they get angry? Bad sign. Are they frustrated? Bad sign. Or do they just not listen? Do they say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can go slower. There’s no problem. But you know, I really, really want to see you. Why don’t we go to Italy this weekend?” In which case, you know they’re not listening at all. Now, the reason they’re getting angry or frustrated or not listening is because they want a feeling. That’s what they’re in the market for.
They’re not in the market for a real relationship, which is built on listening to someone, which is built in an organic progression of getting to know each other better. They are in it for the feeling. They’re like a junkie wanting their fix. Don’t get in the way of my fix and if you do, you are going to be the target of my frustration and my anger.
Test number three: they don’t apply the basic rule of invest in who invests in you. Now let me explain this. I have said for years to people, if you want to protect yourself in love, don’t invest in someone based on how much you like them. Invest in a person based on how much they invest in you. Investing in someone based on how much you like them is a recipe for masochism.
When someone is investing in you, and you not investing on that same level doesn’t make them say, “You know what? I’m going to settle down a bit, because I’m probably coming in a little hot for them. I’m going to meet them where they are.” If it doesn’t make them do that, if they continue with their love offensive of bombarding you with all of their grandiosity and their big words and their big gestures. In spite of the fact that you are not giving the same to them, then it’s not the result of a genuine mutual connection. It’s them trying to get something. Think about it. When a guy approaches a woman cold, in a bar, in a coffee shop, in any part of life, for most men, that’s a little scary. It’s not the easiest thing in the world. It’s actually a very normal, natural thing for a guy to feel some fear about approaching someone because he doesn’t want to get rejected.
The kind of guy that goes through life brazenly approaching everyone with zero fear. It could be seen as ultimate confidence, or it could be seen as a sign of something else, a kind of level of detachment, an ability to just see someone as a target. And it’s just about the result, “But I don’t even care if I get rejected because I’m not even connected to it in that way.” And ladies, you can tell me in the comments, if this bears out for you, when you look at your history and guys that have been that way. Did it turn out to be a bit of a red flag that they had absolutely zero fear in the beginning about talking to you? That they didn’t take no for an answer? Did that turn out to be something to worry about? My guess is, in several situations in your life, it did, where you can think about the love bomber in the same way.
A healthy relationship is one where someone tries and the other person tries and they go, “Oh, that was nice. That’s been rewarded. This person feels the same way. I’m going to keep trying.” If you’re in a situation where someone goes, “I’m going to do all of this for you.” And then you go, “Hmm.” If they then keep going, “I’m going to keep doing all of this for you.” That’s not a sign of a real or a healthy connection. If they don’t even feel rejected by you not giving as much, then they don’t have that normal kind of skin in the game. What they’re trying to do is just bombard you, bombard you, bombard you, bombard you. And if they don’t get what they want from you, they’ll simply go and get it from the next person.
Now, if you want to avoid all of this nonsense this year, if you would like nothing more than just to find a healthy relationship with an amazing human being. I have just the thing for you. It’s a 90 minute free training that I’m hosting on the 19th of April called Dating With Results, which gives you a roadmap for finding a real relationship and avoiding the casual trap, the game playing and all of the toxicity that we so often find in the wild west of dating today.
I want to invite you to join me. It’s going to be a lot of fun. We’ve had 20,000 people take this live training already. And this, if you missed the first two times, is your chance to experience it. Go to DatingWithResults.com to reserve your spot. Again, it’s totally free. So what do you have to lose? Before you go, don’t forget to ‘Like’ the video, subscribe to the channel and hit the notification bell, so that you don’t ever miss a video.
Very timely!!! Thanks Matt.
Hi Matt thanks for that video.i am just curious if a guy is lovebombing me does it mean that he just wanted to play games.
Thats what the guy i had been for.6 months just chatting did for me he kept telling about his strong feelings for me planning to meet with me soon and i really fell for him and responded in the same way how i felt for him. I became so obsessed with him and gone crazy. But with all of these he never even want me to see him on video calls or never talked to him on the phone. He made too many excuses to avoid these. Then out of the blue he asked me for s $200 gift card which i did not oblige as i do not want a man doing this to me and he got very upset and ignored me totally so i ended up breaking up with him. What do you think. Is he just playing a game and not really serious. I gave him my piece of my mind and we exchanged the worst of words hurting each other. I did say sorry in the end as i really loved him. Do you think i should give in and ask him for a reconciliation. I miss him badly. Thanks and take care. Maria Isidro
Tinder Swindler Check on Netflix…
He was just telling you nice thing to get your money. He is a catfish, a fraud. He never cared for you. I’m sorry. :/
Thank you
I moved to Australia 13 years ago (aged 32) for work and met who I thought was my life partner about 6 months later
I’d never been “love-bombed” before.
From the outside he seemed like a great guy, 2 successful businesses, friends, family and seemed crazy about me
It felt a little intense and fast but I just thought – wow – he must really love me – with a love like that we will be able to get through anything. It was intoxicating and wonderful…
Had I been back home, close friends would have probably raised some eyebrows and helped me remove the rose tinted filters I was seeing the relationship through.
previous relationships, both long and short, may not have ended up working out but I am on good terms with nearly all my previous ex’s
I’d never experienced this kind of initial “intensity” before and ignored any warning bells and thought this must be the real deal and we’ll be able to get through anything with a love like this…..
Boy, could I have not been more wrong
We had a child 2 years later and things went from up and down to TOTAL SHITHOUSE when I discovered I was pregnant (we both said we’d wanted kids, we stopped using protection, hardly a surprise)
I knew something was very wrong in the relationship but I was pregnant with my first child (aged 36), had a job with no maternity cover (offshore enviro consultant), no family and no old friends around me. Plus all my life savings were all tied up in the house we had bought together….
I felt entirely trapped and so alone.
What ensued were 5 years of crazy making, abuse, violence, extreme control until I finally managed to make a plan to get out of the relationship – our daughter was old enough to see what was happening and I didn’t want her to model her future relationships on us. In short it was fucked.
I left 4 years ago, but I am legally not allowed to leave Australia with my child.
I have had to get VRO on him (should have done it years ago) but that hasn’t stopped him still making my life hell in anyway he can
He has cost me money, mental health, damaging our daughter emotionally and is still trying to hurt me (seriously I could write a horror series thriller with some of the shit he’s done)
Unfortunately the law is not geared towards dealing with these kinds of monsters and I am stuck here on my own trying to defend my daughter and myself from him
I’ve never met anyone so manipulative and forceful. The more boundaries I put up between us and do things to move on, the more determined he is to tear them down and keep me focussed on him (bogus claims to the police, dragging me to court for anything he can think of, it’s insane)
What have I learned?
1) Trust that niggle that says something ain’t right!
2) if someone “love bombs” you, block that fucker out of your life and get as far away as you can from them. Seriously, nothing good will come from it.
3) be very careful whom you have a child with. Leaving them won’t be enough to get them out of your life and a child is a bond to them they can use against you to inflict so much pain
Good luck!!!
My gosh Laura….tight hugs to you. What a horrible experience. I am so sorry about this struggle. Where in Australia are you? I am moving in September to QLD. take care! Xx
I really enjoyed this. I’ve been getting “bombed” a helluva lot lately – innocuously, incongruously, while playing an online word game at which I happen to be rather good. In a way, as an older woman living in a town with a lot more women than men (in which case older women like me often become almost invisible), it’s not the worst thing for one’s ego – sort of amusing. Dozens of guys demanding my attention. And actually, it seems to have had an uncanny effect on the dynamics operating in my immediate environment. I seem to be getting noticed a bit more.
Hi your videos helped me a lot.
Just want to share my story.
My wife went for travel along for 3months and she met a guy.once she came back she was so guilty and talk me about him and she wanted me to forgive her and get back together.at the very moment i was not ready but was not angry with her we had a 2weeks break and i realized that i could forgive her and be together. But then she wanted to have space and the same time she said she have a feeling about him as well as me.She can’t forget our beautiful 5years but as she saying she have change her self and don’t have any ideas what to do. She always says that I’m the best man on earth, I’m the best match for her , she can’t think life without me, but she is not clear about our future.i can’t understand whether she is acting or it’s real what she says.
I really love her and i don’t have a choice even i didn’t do any mistake rather than waiting for a decision come from her.im so kind of destroyed because i have given up everything on my life because her. Please advise me.
Thank you for your advices. Much light and courage in your way. God bless.
Mathew, I’m trying to figure out what I just went through because I’m numb and hurt and in shock. I feel like I was with a love bomber the only thing is mine lasted 4 years!. He started dated me immediately after leaving he’s wife, treated me like I was the most amazing woman in the world. Said he loved me a month after we met and yes I found it too much and too soon but he convinced me it was real and he never felt this way before. He is 52 and the weird part is I was at school with him and had a little crush on him but only bumped into him 30 plus years later. He wanted to get married a few months later but I was hesitant, it felt rushed so I kept putting it off until 6 months ago I finally agreed. We sent out invites and planned the wedding and he was more excited than I was. Then I saw a message on he’s fone to a girl half he’s age making plans to see her. He convinced me he was just messing around didn’t mean anything but I started checking he’s fone and there were messages from different women lots of women and everytime we had a argument he walked away and hooked up with these woman. So now it’s technically not cheating because we were not together at the time. But things were very uneasy and I started asking way too may questions and he just walked away and never looked back, like I didn’t exist. He doesn’t take my calls, doesn’t reply to my messages, already with someone else and I’m standing here gobsmacked. In shock and hurt. What the hell just happened!!
Mathew, I’m trying to figure out what I just went through because I’m numb and hurt and in shock. I feel like I was with a love bomber the only thing is mine lasted 4 years!. He started dated me immediately after leaving he’s wife, treated me like I was the most amazing woman in the world. Said he loved me a month after we met and yes I found it too much and too soon but he convinced me it was real and he never felt this way before. He is 52 and the weird part is I was at school with him and had a little crush on him but only bumped into him 30 plus years later. He wanted to get married a few months later but I was hesitant, it felt rushed so I kept putting it off until 6 months ago I finally agreed. We sent out invites and planned the wedding and he was more excited than I was. Then I saw a message on he’s fone to a girl half he’s age making plans to see her. He convinced me he was just messing around didn’t mean anything but I started checking he’s fone and there were messages from different women lots of women and everytime we had a argument he walked away and hooked up with these woman. So now it’s technically not cheating because we were not together at the time. But things were very uneasy and I started asking way too may questions and he just walked away and never looked back, like I didn’t exist. He doesn’t take my calls, doesn’t reply to my messages, already with someone else and I’m standing here gobsmacked. What the hell just happened!!
You never said a truer word Matthew ! I totally related to every word. This had recently happened to me over a period of 8 months until I saw the light and confronted him after I was certain I was right. He still never admitted anything but has moved away to be with his x wife after convincing me I was the girl he had waited for all his life. Once I accepted everything he said -he was gone ….I was like I was his prey and once he caught me the chase and thrill was over – I will suck an idiot to be taken in my him but your video has made me feel so much better realising he was the one with the problem – not me !
Thank you xx
Thanks for this video. I experienced this in my last relationship and it sadly turned into an emotionally abusive one down the line. Love bombing was an early red flag but I didn’t know it at the time.
Lovebombing is a very narcissistic trait that exists only to ensare the uneducated in their wily ways. Once hooked, you will be devalued as they undermine you, and pull away. This leaves you wondering what did I do wrong? It becomes a push pull kind of relationship, with them blowing hot and cold, and you becoming more desparate to please them. Enter the trauma bonding, where you’ll be so confused by being gaslighted, lied to, and manipulated. They will eventually discard you, when you can no longer supply their ego but may keep you on the backburner for leaner times, when new supply isn’t readily available. If it feels like it’s too good to be true, it is. Walk away, and don’t look back.
Thanks for sharing this personal story. I ‘feel you’ as I went through similar situation for one and a half year. The love bombing was short only last first couple of months, but then I was in state were I thought if i love him more it will be better. He would ‘wake up’ and realise how great he has. Untill one day i woke up :) and realised how toxic he is and disvalued that relationship was. No growth but just missery. So I walked away and never regreted. Yes it was hard during healing process, and admit to myself that I fell for such a trap. It was very hard to forgive myself for allowing someone to behave so low towards me.
However, I have my happy ending now :). So, I wish you a healing too!
Hi Matthew,
Thank you for your podcast!
I just ended a 2 week relationship with the most insensitive and cold-hearted man. Quite a coincidence,I fell on your podcast this morning and he had 2 of the criterias which confirmed I had to let go. I’m sharing my experience as it it is still fresh on my mind and wanting to help other women who can easily fall to this kind of man.
I met him online and we agreed to text and eventually meet. He showered me with lots of attention and we eventually met. He treated me like a princess with expensive dates and tickets for live shows and restaurants. Too good too be true, a fairy tale!
He even picked me up in his Mercedes. He invited me at his place for a candlelight dinner.
I started to feel pressure when he asked me to accompany me in his outings of rented cottages and live shows almost every week up to the end of December 22. Lately, he asked me to go out of town with him for a live show and he rented an hotel room. I felt uneasy and I told him so that it was too soon and that I needed to respect myself. As soon as I started to talk to my sister and a friend about it, things started to get sour between us. He told me I lacked autonomy making decisions and that a police report would make it a lot easier. He even insinuated that I had other dating partners in the picture.
I apologized and managed to calm him until…the following incident happened.
I met a girl friend yesterday for lunch and movie and we both celebrated our birthdays. She still was concerned for my safety and questioned his authenticity.
That same day I rushed to babysit my daughter’s dog in the country and was guilty of not answering his texts soon enough. I phoned him to tell him I couldn’t talk to him more than a few minutes because my phone battery was running low . I asked for his help as I couldn’t get in the house through the garage door. The code wasn’t working and my daughter wasn’t responding her texts being out of town. I got 2 e-mails that same night of harsh judgments and accusations of being a liar, this situation not making sense to him. I even tried to phone him after I got in the house and he hanged up on me.
To make it worse, today I wanted to clear things up for my sanity and wrote him an e-mail and a text. I wanted also to see if he really cared about me and asked him to talk FaceTime. No apologies, gaslighting as he even denied he had not hung up on me the previous night. He was right and I was wrong.I was so angry and ended up the conversation and the relationship. I feel relieved and happy as we never slept together. This experience teaches me to take my time in getting to know someone at all levels, especially mind and heart before engaging in a serious commitment. Also, he had no family connection at all which bothered me a lot, being married twice and having four children. Luckily, I had support, I could have been enmeshed in a toxic relationship.
Please send me a confirmation that my testimony was posted!
Totally love bombed a 5 years ago! Happy to share my story and I’d love to help others. I am now a year into the most wonderful, connected, slow authentic feeling relationship with a man who cherishes me.
Being love bombed feels so confusing and it hurts.
Totally nailed it! Very quick in the beginning, swept off my feet, I was the best thing since sliced bread apparently, can’t believe I’ve found you ! You’re amazing! He actually said the words” I love how you make me feel” Over the course of a year I get to see narssistic rage, criticism, projection, belittling, gaslighting. When you’re in the midst of it, you don’t see what’s actually going on until you get spat out the tornado and wonder what on earth just happened!? So confusing, bewildering and crazy making! Then when you call them out on their behaviour you’re the crazy one! Lucky escape! Learn to spot love bombing early on, run and never look back because you will be lured into an extremely toxic situation over time with a person who will refuse to take accountability and will project onto you and blame you for their toxic behaviour.
According to all these post I was being love bombed by 3 men all at the same time. It actually felt like all three were the same person. I wonder if that’s even possible. They were extremely attentive for the time we communicated. I was blocked by all three on Valentines week. I have not heard from any of them since. I have come to the conclusion unless they are in my presence from now on I will take it with a grain of salt. And even then be on guard. Thank you for your video.
Hi Matthew, thank you for this. The lovely guy I was seeing vanished within a few days saying it was going too fast despite him talking about me to all his entourage, and us planning weekends together for the next year. It is hard to move on without closure, as he said he needed time but I think he has moved on, he is ghosting me now yet I’ve given him space as requested. It went from hot and intense to very cold, it is heartbreaking and so confusing. I want to think if you are keen about someone you stay and work it out? Thank you for your words and for showing us this happens more than we think!
Hi Mathew,
I’d like to join a retreat if possible on confidence or some guidance.
Like many on here, my last relationship was just like this. We were together (on & off) over5 years. He turned out to be psychologically and emotionally abusive in the end & a huge womaniser. I fell for it, took much longer than I would have liked to walk away but even then he was playing games, kept pulling me back in.
Hi Matthew!
Thank you for the enlighting video.
Just sharing my story below for your guidance:
At a job interview, I met the company’s boss, where after the second interview, he proposed to have diner sometime soon in order to discuss my future in his company (I wasn’t finally interested about the job, but I kind of liked him, he seemed interesting as a person). As you can expect, the diner turned out into a date. It was super fun and easy going, and we stayed together for about 6 hours. We immediately connected, we had the same sense of humor, we opened up a bit – I really felt nice with a man after a long time. I had a feeling that something worthwhile might come out.
After that (literally the moment he got home), he started flirting with me via text, and this went on for several days, accompanied by very long talks on the phone. During this period, he was very open about his feelings and some mischiefs he’s had in life, expressing himself like I’m his girlfriend. He even invited me on a business trip with him (red flags I didn’t want to see). On our second date, we kissed. Immediately after that, the texting diminished almost to nul and, in a couple of days, he disappeared. He reappearred a month later, where he basically wanted to find out information about somebody. Two days later I saw him at a social event. He literally grabbed me and hugged me to say hello, started hitting on me, trying to see whether I’m still interested in him, he was basically around me all night. I was friendly but I kept my boundaries. When I was leaving, we said goodbye and his last words were: If you really want to talk to me and see me, call me (!!!!!). The following day, he called me to say that he was super happy to see me at the event and, as we were talking, his second line rang, and said: I’ll call you in a bit. Of course, he hasn’t called back.
Although, I saw qualities in him that I look in a man, nonetheless, he didn’t have the most important quality for myself, which is stability and consistency in his actions.
My question is how to you treat/ confront a man of his calliber, the next time you see him?
Unfortunately, we have common friends and we sort of hang out in similar places. I do understand your comment about empathy, and I do believe he’s not malicious or mean, but his behavior made me upset and mad. Also, he’s almost 50…
Secondly, 3 men of this sort have shown up consecutively the past 2 years in my life. I’m starting to wonder whether I have an issue or the world is going completely mad. Thank you once more!
This is spot on Matt! I had a similar experience with a love bomber and it lasted for 12 months.
Initially he was the one who was proactive in texting to get my attention. We would text for hours and sometimes send voice messages. Then he would do sweet gestures like turning up at my workplace with a present or suddenly appearing in front of my house. He has bought expensive concert tickets for my friend and I and introduced me to his family as ‘someone he is interested in’. There was even physical intimacy involved.
However despite all of the above, he refused to admit to his friends that he was interested in me and was still thinking about getting into a relationship in me. He told them that I was the pushy one and that he had told me repeatedly that he didn’t like me but I wasn’t listening.
I kept pestering him to make a decision re our relationship but he gave all sorts of excuses like he wasn’t ready as he was still hurt from his previous relationship and that I was a little messy (in other words not good enough). He also became very defensive if I pointed out some imperfections of his. He even admitted to me that in his past relationship, he was never the first to say sorry even though he was in the wrong. I somehow didn’t see all these red flags because he knew what to do to make me happy and willing to wait for him to decide.
One day I looked into his belongings and found out that he had done similar things to previous women who waited for him to ‘be ready to be in a relationship’. I confronted him about it but he got angry and said I shouldn’t be looking at his things and he has lost all trust in me.
However it was then I knew I had to walk away and I’m so glad I did.
I wonder if there is anyway to let these love bombers know that what they are doing is hurting women. This man up till now still does not think he has done anything wrong because in his defense these women were willing to wait for him. He is actually a nice person and a good friend but a really bad lover.
Same thing happened to me! Everything above. Since found out, from someone who grew up with him, how horribly narcassistic and messed up, he really is. Blocked him! As i could see red flags constantly, i never thought id ever find oug about him, to justify my uneasiness and instinct. But out of the blue, i did. Always trust your instincts girls, and GET RID.
Great article, and I highly agree with your statements. However, the three best relationships of my life (which lasted anywhere from 10 to 22 months, in which we saw each other literally every day without much exception ONCE it was established that we were an exclusive couple after a handful of great dates) might be viewed upon as “love bombing.” Yes, we had our own lives and interests, but we made each other our main priorities early on and throughout the relationship. Yes, we obviously didn’t know everything there was to know about the other person early on, but we knew that each of us was a kind, loving, good person with at least a handful of common interests and or values, not to mention an intense physical attraction towards each other, so that made it worth it to let our guard down early on and take a chance on each other. Sadly, things did not work out in the long run, obviously, but none of us would have changed a thing or had any regrets of falling for each other, thanks to the many wonderful times we had together. So I guess my point is, don’t let your walls and defense mechanisms steer you from someone just because he or she is love bombing you IF that person fits well in your life (e.g., he or she is not stopping you from doing things here and there that don’t involve him or her). The love bombing might be sincere because the other person really thinks highly of you based upon what he knows of you so far, and based upon the good treatment you’re reciprocating. If you remain too independent for too long early on, especially in this swipe left/swipe right culture, you might risk making your love bomber think you aren’t that into him/her, and before you know it, someone else has caught their eye
When I compare my past experiences and relationship of whom in different kind friendship, romantic, intimate, and a relationship just like yours.
I myself know’s, how I would and what I have for my feelings towards a person. Physical appearance is easily mistaken as an emotional feelings, where there is appreciation, admiration, and likings was being overpower the feelings. That’s why some as I heard from few that they look physical attraction for they can amend the feelings in the long run or process of the relationship.
When in terms of feelings, emotions, and connections that holds the bond of your desire to show and prove that it is a matter to you and for the other one/person in no doubt expressing is not an issue despite the benefit of the doubt that you have from the past experience, from the story and advice that been heard, and the circumstances of the time is not yet incubating to have a trigger of doubts, fear, and confusion of it is worth to take it or it is worth to leave it.
It is not the feelings, emotions, and connections stopping us to be in love and to be love for, It is you invest the probability of failure than the opportunity and potentially a life time partner that comes in the time of your discomfort – for as they say distraction will come when you are in the right thing, in the right time for they hold you to be a hostage of your own.
As love has a lot of meaning and character from person to person from where there attraction could catch theme in the moment that love calls the soul of a two, that’s how you can’t stop love when the two are investing for that love they wait, they nurture, and evaluate of how the matter of love is all about in a relation that thinking of.
Love is not an affection nor an attention. Love is an emotion that even your sad you are okay, even you are happy you are sad when love is not there. Love is when you know – the label of your commitment to the person you love for it is love know’s no boundary nor a separation and division, for love is a label of your love, a seal of integrity, honor, and values that having love is okay and when timea comes just for example one of you mistakenly fallout as it is a possiblelity but hopefully not, I wish for the best that in true love we can learn that love is like our life in time of our death it the time for death do will be end. Same as in everything let’s not romantacising the Love is a hyppe feeling only because in love you find a perfect gems, the precious one, also in love you can be shattered into pieces. Always remember that in every brokenness that we have there is a perfect art of love that we can grow together to be the museum of growing, enjoying, creating, and everything that can be possible in love.
Have a nice day and I wish all of you a good hunt for the love that is perfect for you and your future ones.
Thank you.
Coy
Met a man I worked with – same company but we both work remotely in different states. It started with a call outside of work and we quickly realized how much we have in common and our phone calls got longer and longer. After just a few conversations I shared that I hadn’t had a relationship or sex in 8 years and only tried online dating briefly 4 years ago. He then said he would like to take me out – he lives 800 miles away, so he planned on driving to meet me. I honestly didn’t believe he was serious. As it turned out, he wasn’t able to visit that weekend, but did fly in a few weeks later. During the time before his arrival we talked and texted everyday. The content was fun and flirty and I was really starting to fall for him. Every night before bed we would have 2+ hour long discussions about life, what we wanted, our past. Even though we were long distance, I felt very connected and had never received that level of daily attention. The weekend he came to visit was amazing. He was charming, funny, considerate, thoughtful, respectful, affectionate and treated me like a goddess, something that I had never experienced – essentially sweeping me off my feet. I hadn’t planned on being intimate with him during our first weekend meeting in person, but after a month of intense communication, I was emotionally and physically attracted. We spent 3 amazing romantic days and after the visit our daily & nightly calls continued and he often said he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again.
Then…IT happened! Only 3 weeks after our love fest weekend and 6 weeks into our long distance romance, instead of our evening calls which had become a nightly ritual that I loved, he sent me a text on a Saturday afternoon, “I’m going radio silent today. I’ll reach out tomorrow. Talk soon” But, he didn’t call or text the next day, and I was very anxious not hearing from him By Monday morning and no phone contact, I was bonkers since we had been talking every day for hours since the beginning. I sent an “I miss you” GIF and he replied, “I needed some alone time. Still working thru it. I’ll call you later. I’m ok.” But after that, the sweet phone calls at night stopped and he began communicating less frequently, text messages were short and no more cute emoji’s or GIFS. His level of interest and investment had dramatically tapered off until things finally disintegrated. The whole “thing” lasted about 12 weeks and I was heartbroken realizing he wasn’t into me or putting in or maintaining the level of effort he showed initially, even after HE was the one that was pushing things forward so fast in the beginning. Of course I never got an explanation of how/why things went off track, which triggered a lot of issues for me like insecurity, abandonment, not feeling good enough, etc. But the loss I felt did cause me to do a lot of self reflection and confront my demons from the past Yes, I was totally love bombed! It sucked, but I have a new attitude now since I understand myself, relationships, sex and men much better since becoming a Matthew Hussey follower!