Comments on: Playing Games Gets You More Attention – True or False? https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/ Have The Love Life You Want Thu, 15 Feb 2024 01:35:42 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.7.1 By: Tamar https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207659 Thu, 15 Feb 2024 01:35:42 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207659 You are so amazing and accurate. Thank you Matthew, for your very important mission in the world.

]]> By: Carla Leccia https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207437 Mon, 12 Feb 2024 21:43:30 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207437 Hi Matthew, thank you! I was the one who originally asked that question and I found your answer so helpful.

You got it right, my ex was probably a dismissive avoidant. He went out of his way to “get” me, and once he had “got” me, he stopped making efforts. He seemed to care about me but was not making the relationship progressed.

I opened up the dialogue with him and he replied that “the relationship had great potential but the magic was gone”. “Remember how it was when we first met” he said?

I explained that my feelings had evolved into something deeper now that I actually knew him. But if he didn’t feel the same, I was not going to continue the relationship. He said he deeply cared about me but that was not enough. So I walked away.

Sometimes I second guess myself and wonder: what if I had made it more challenging for him? And here, your answer was spot on. The game could have worked for a while but if I don’t want to play that game all my life better end it now.

I am also realizing now that I still subconsciously want to prove him that I am valuable as he made me feel like if I was not “enough” once he got to know me more and saw me getting attached.

Would love more of your thoughts on this.

]]> By: Trine Berge https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207403 Mon, 12 Feb 2024 12:14:46 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207403 Agree and this is what my gut instinct is saying and what i practice now. My question is, what is a good/best way to communicate this when its happeing while we are dating, lets say we are we have a weekend togheter, and he is not emotional connecting throughout the day, but distant?
And a good way to communicate this without to much talk about it. I think i am at a point where i have shifted inside myself to feel more whats good for me, and my needs, but i do think i still have not nailed how i communicate this without to much talk (feelings), and i do get my wounds triggered. The good side, i do feel that the wounds soothes quite sooner and are not haunting me in the same way as before. Maybe also because i now, are standing more in my own power and that i deserve to get my needs met.
And thanks for your videos and teachings ;)

]]> By: Pamela https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207398 Mon, 12 Feb 2024 10:07:12 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207398 Fantastic video Matthew, you really made clear what we all want but find so hard to implement for various reasons.
Do you think this same healthy approach can be made to being friends with someone after a “situationship”?. I’m currently in the process of trying to be friends with someone who I was once with but the same flaky behaviour is still there on their part. They say they “dont want to lose” me but their actions tell me the opposite. I feel a fool for trying to remain friends like they suggested when all they do is not reply to innocent friendly messages. In my gut I feel they are punishing me as I was the one who felt we were on different paths and ended the relationship. Any suggestions or advice would be amazing to help me navigate this new place I find myself.

]]> By: Krissy https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207376 Mon, 12 Feb 2024 08:25:18 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207376 I agree and in my head I know that that is exactly what I should be doing. I am in a a pseudo relationship, he is flaky, inconsistent and I keep hoping I still have opportunities to see and be with him here and there…. I want so much to feel desirable, wanted….loved. I am so afraid to lose those tiny moments of excitement that brings being with him (that are followed by anxiety, pain, thinking when I will see him next) you will ask me. What are doing this to yourself? ….. the answer…. Because I am a middle age woman and I have no Plan B to find a relationship……Because going back to the dating apps brings back all the frustration and disappointment I had to go through in the past. Yes, no plan B…. not to know what to do next….
Matthew, can you help us to find a plan B that restores our enthusiasm, joy to keep trying? Because that is what I need.

]]> By: Shari https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207354 Mon, 12 Feb 2024 03:27:24 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207354 Where are those good quality men hiding ]]> This really hit home for me! I was married for 25 years, now single 4 years. Starting over at 50 has been brutal! Although, I have never been the one to reach out to any of the men, they have been unavailable for one reason or another. I believe I was in what you might call a “situation” for a few months, but it was a lot one-sided. I am working on my mindset to know that I am definitely worth more! I had the thought that something was better than nothing. I’m sure that was coming from having a loveless marriage for several years. So the minimal effort I got, felt better than nothing… short term of course. I have definitely had trouble sticking to my boundaries :( I am getting stronger and wiser, the more time that passes, but it does get lonely. This is where I tend to make those repetitive mistakes. I am working on forgiving myself. I have so much love that I want to share. Everyone says I’m too picky but I’m saving my heart for someone special, wherever he may be❤️ Where are those good quality men hiding

]]> By: Missy https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207335 Sun, 11 Feb 2024 23:08:30 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207335 Hoping you can guide me in this, Matt. Things I look for in a guythat I place importance in are mutual attraction, educationand or accomplishments and a compatible personality. If I’m interested in a guy but feel inside maybe he’s a lot more cerebral than myself, I tend to feel I may not measure upto what I’m thinking he brings to the table. Although I do feel I’m a good catch, my insecurities get in the way. How can I combat this, or feel I’m coming from a level playing field and feel comfortable with him?

]]> By: Nanna Mynster Kinch https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207326 Sun, 11 Feb 2024 21:14:20 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207326 Dear Matthew,
Thank you so much for this. It answered all my questions at this moment.
Your advice is so healing for both people in the relationship.
I will continue following you and wish you all the best.

/Nanna

]]> By: Maria https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207315 Sun, 11 Feb 2024 17:49:05 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207315 You are so inspiring and you are giving me the tools to hopefully find my person!
I was married for 13 years and divorced for 15 years now.
Just turned 50 and ended my last relationship. We dated for 1 year and he started to get too controlling.
That’s my problem! There is a fine line between a confident man which I’m attracted to and then I find they are too controlling and a hit of a narcissist.
Any help on early signs before I invest my time and get hurt once again?
Moving forward, I will try to have more standards for myself instead of giving too much thanks to you!
I’m a giver by nature and happy to do so but they haven’t reciprocated themselves to me much.
Big sigh….
I will keep on trying.
Thank you for you and keep up the good work!!

]]> By: Samantha https://matthewhussey.com/blog/the-attraction-problem/#comment-1207305 Sun, 11 Feb 2024 16:46:57 +0000 https://matthewhussey.com/?p=90653#comment-1207305 I needed to hear this so much today! Amazing timing and as always, perfectly explained and 100% true.
I look forward to the retreat in September :)
Thank you, Matt!

– Sam

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