By: May

May — Fri, 19 Jan 2024 00:20:14 +0000

You write (talk) too much rather than get to the point and give concise examples. There was a lot that could have been edited.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Sun, 09 Oct 2022 09:28:21 +0000

Hi Matthew.
I’ve been following and listening to your podcast for a while now and first of all want to say thank you for all the great insights. Although I know you can’t answer everything or give individual advice, I hope this comment might inspire you to do a podcast episode.
I am currently feeling very lost and stuck, having come out of a “situationship” some months ago. We dated for about 3 months and everything started out very well, but the more time went by the more I started to notice that neither he nor I have been particularly vulnerable with each other, and even that we might have a hard time being just vulnerable with other people. After I started reading about attachment styles, I came to the conclusion that I myself have an insecure attachment and especially an insecure ambivalent attachment style. Anyway, our relationship started to give me more and more anxiety and I didn’t really know where I had him. He oscillated between being cold and warm towards me and at the same time I knew he still had his dating profile. I wouldn’t say I fell in love with him, but more attached to him because of my attachment style and because we had a lot of passion. But apart from passion, we had nothing at all. We could barely hold a conversation and we really couldn’t get into the vulnerable stuff. He is also 7 years older than me and has a son from before. What made me stick around for so long was because I felt he still cared, as he often wanted to “check in” on what I was doing and why I didn’t always respond so quickly. I figured his signs of jealousy were a sign that he wanted me. Anyway, I ended our relationship eventually as I became suspicious that he was seeing someone else and we had a conversation about it where he tried to confirm that I was the only one he was seeing. But since he didn’t want to show me his Tinder, it rather confirmed the opposite (even though he has absolutely no obligation to show me his Tinder, the fact that he still had his Tinder was enough). Instead, he made it about how we couldn’t be together because of his religion (Muslim), which he knew I wasn’t religious already when we started dating. To me, it just felt like a poor excuse.
At first, I felt a huge relief because I didn’t have to walk around with anxiety every day. After a while I started to feel more and more lonely and bored which made me start thinking along the lines of I will never meet someone I am both attracted to and who treats me well. My pattern has very often been that I meet guys who are emotionally unavailable (and now I’ve even realized that I’m emotionally unavailable myself) and that I’m attracted to that. After listening to your podcast I’ve realised that it has a lot to do with my self-esteem, but at the same time I don’t know how to work on it. It just feels a bit hopeless.
Anyway, I stopped contacting him and deleted him on all social media to move on. After about 2 weeks he gets in touch and wants to apologize for how he treated me and asks if we can end our contact in a “nice way”. I do not respond to this. Another 2 weeks later he happens to drive past me on my way home. I get a text message 5 minutes later in which he writes that “he couldn’t resist writing to me and that he just drove past me. That he took that particular road because he was hoping he would see me and that he was happy that it turned out that way”. He also wrote “I hope everything is fine with you and if you don’t want me to keep writing to you, you have to say so”. After about 20 minutes he calls me but I don’t answer his text or call. Two days later I meet him at the gym and he comes up to me and asks if we can talk. I say yes after much nagging on his part and agree to meet him after we finish training. Later that evening I meet him outside my apartment and get in his car to hear what he has to say. After so much work to reach out to me, I figure he wants a second chance, so I had already set myself up for it. He hands me a bouquet of roses and starts talking about how he’s very sorry for how he hurt me and that I’m a nice girl in every way, and that he really wants to ask for forgiveness. Nothing more. I start to wonder why he goes to such lengths just to ask for forgiveness when I have been very clear that I don’t want any contact with him (by not responding to his texts or calls). I return the roses and then go upstairs alone to my apartment. What he did somehow made me feel inadequate again and I regret meeting him. I still don’t understand why he went so far just to say sorry without asking for a second chance and quite honestly, even though I don’t want that relationship back, it brought my self-esteem down. That I am still inadequate.
That said Matthew, I understand that this got very long now and that you may not be able to respond or address this in your podcast. But I’ll make an attempt because I think many people go through the same things as me, i.e. have an insecure attachment style, are drawn to the “wrong” guy and struggle to move on when he keeps checking in but doesn´t give a good reason why.

Thank you so much for your great work and for helping us all so much!

Love from Scandinavia.

By: Shruti

Shruti — Mon, 03 Oct 2022 12:27:13 +0000

Hi Matthew, I need your advice or a personal matter. Will like to connect with you. Will like to connect on a video call and understand my position better.

By: Anna

Anna — Mon, 03 Oct 2022 11:29:53 +0000

Incredibly useful again, as I struggle with boundaries and how to deal with people crossing them. Instead of cutting everyone out, I believe in constructive communication and being able to shift the dynamics, or at least give it a try.

By: Lina

Lina — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 18:47:52 +0000

Thank you Matt!
That was very enlightening and helpfull, and exactly what I needed. I already know what my responce will be if this guy reappear again.
Best wishes!

By: Andres Esther

Andres Esther — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 17:40:53 +0000

Dear Matthew, you’re so funny, and I didn’t know you got such a sense of humor, and I love you for that, your video sure makes sense, for Me I will see what’s his reactions to my replies to his messages than decides what to do next ! As for me I would probably move on with my life, cause if he can do it once he will do it again! Matthew hope you did received my messages to you concerning if there’s possibly another way I could do my payments for purchasing your books, please kindly advise me, thanks Matthew. Sincerely Esther.

By: Lara

Lara — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 15:22:51 +0000

Hahaha! Throw that shoe! Omg too funny. Great message and video