Comments on: Feel Them Pulling Away? AVOID THIS MISTAKE

By: Laura

Laura — Sun, 14 Jan 2024 10:59:03 +0000

To be honest all this makes sense but feels very twisted, this obsession over someone’s value based on their behaviour. It seems like men walk about life putting people and women in a rank. True love (love in general, not just romantic) doesn’t think of people being less or more worthy. To me it’s much more simple. It’s about traits I feel compatible with. Of course there are behaviours I don’t like and of course I want some basic standards. But getting to know a person takes a lot of time and I can’t judge on their value solely on the fact that they value me too quickly?? Wtf?? I understand connection happens, I understand hormones and I won’t pull away because I have the courage to invest and see if, at the end of the day, it’s going somewhere and this person is right for me. Assuming someone doesn’t value themselves because they value you very quickly sounds like mental gymnastics to get around the fact you have a very fragile ego and are very dubious about your own self-steem and it depends too much on other people. I’ve met people who are just very loving by nature and they’ll see your good things right away and they’ll like to keep you around. That’s how the beginnings of good friendships work too. And successfully for me for the most part. That doesn’t mean you don’t acknowledge you’ll find flaws on them. And part of the commitment deal is accepting and standing people’s flaws with a loving attitude, as long as they don’t make your life miserable.

Second, yeah it’s scarcity mentality if you wanna look at it that way, but humans have needs and urges that are natural to them. That doesn’t mean they’re desperate to engage with whoever crosses their life. Some people do, but in general terms, wanting to keep seeing someone you like and ‘fighting’ for it is just normal human response to bonding. We’re social and we need bonds. Same reason you wanna keep around people or doing activities that make you feel good.

Like I understand all this reasoning and appreciate the time and effort put to explain it. I just feel it’s inherently flawed and guys who think like this are the ones who should be doing a lot of inner work. I come from a family of successful marriages, my mum and dad were together and loved each other until my mum passed. As far as what they’ve told me, there was none of this reasoning behind. My dad was attracted to my mum. She was too. They started dating and as soon as they did (just a few months in), my dad had to leave the city for work. They fought for each other and invested on the small thing that was blossoming. Three years of hardly seeing each other and writing letters every day. Both (specially my dad) could’ve had the opportunity to be unfaithful or meet other people, neither did. That difficulty made them closer. I can’t remember my dad saying being dubious about it because my mum put too much effort into him, actually, my mum was quite intense and declarative when it came to loving, and my dad has always told me how amazing it was that my mum was so invested and loved him and me with so much force. “I haven’t met a woman who loved like your mum”, he’s told me several times. Definitely something many men would run away from nowadays. Sorry, this is my male standard, because if my dad had applied the logic described in this post, I wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t have had the loving and stable family I had.

I’m not gonna accommodate this kind of mentality guys seem to have nowadays. My value or my perceived value has NOTHING to do with what’s listed here. If I am to be single, I’ll be, but I won’t be disingenuous to myself just because males need to work on their self-steem and ability to love.

By: C

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 06:24:20 +0000

i want nothing more than to get my boyfriend back since he broke up with me apparently because he didn’t have time for me because he is dealing with a lot problems at his job and is so overloaded with too many things there and that when he’d come home he would be so tired he would just go straight to bed and he didn’t want to make me waste my time or cause me emotional issies for not being sble to pay attention to me. The worst part is that we’ve been friends for 21 years and when we finally got to have a relationship it was great and we barely had any disagreements and then one day out of the blue he changed and went cold with me and after 3 weeks of that is when he told me that he would like us to go back to being just friends, but after falling in love with him i can’t forget my love for him that easily and nowadays he barely even talks to me…i am heartbroken and i have no clue how to get him back…

By: Sheme Salpid

Sheme Salpid — Mon, 15 Aug 2022 17:07:25 +0000

What should I do to be enough with him. I was did everything for him make effort just to show mylove how I’m really really felt that love. But why it seems not working. My effort less. So sad hurt and disspointed myself.

By: Natasha D

Natasha D — Sun, 14 Aug 2022 18:40:20 +0000

I wish I watched this video 2 years ago. I was w someone for 6 months and that is exactly what happened.
I am not experienced in dating … was married for 23 years so it’s a learning process.
I knew I had so much to offer and couldn’t understand why is he pulling away after 3-4 months.
But I learned that I invested too much too soon, and he didn’t earn any of that. It was so easy for him. I have terribly undervalued myself. Now I know as you thought us” invest and test “ ;) .
I had to leave him as nothing felt right with him ( he was distant, not clear on direction to be with me – only that he told me that he enjoys my company ) but it took long time to forget about him. And it was all in my head. I fell in love with the potential but not w the person …
Now, after two years being single, and taking my time and I met someone when I at least expected and he lives long distance…( so not according to plan !!!).
We connected online while I was visiting that city. At first, he came to meet me. He came again … and I went there too and stayed w him for 10 days. It was wonderful. He introduced me to his friends , we spent time w my son and I spent time w his son.
We are planning short trips once a month/ 1/2 and now I am looking for a job in his city as my son moved there recently …but will be careful not to be intense and take it one day at the time.. am I worried sometimes if he wants me to be his travel companion only as our chemistry is off the chart ??? but I need stop w overthinking …and juts enjoy the relationship.
I have never been more excited to be with someone like I am now, will take it one day at a time and see what happens. I don’t want to loose this man but don’t want to scare him as well.
If he wants me, he will make it happen – as I will allow that. Keep fingers crossed and keep emailing your advices :) thanks

By: Cheri

Cheri — Sun, 14 Aug 2022 17:42:24 +0000

“ The only person worth having in life is a person who values what we have to give. And the great irony is that they won’t value what we have to give if we don’t put a high price on it ourselves“

Boom. There it is. I love this. It speaks to my journey out of a place of uncertainty about myself and into a place of knowing my value.