Comments on: Should You Wait If They’re Not Ready for a Relationship?

By: Dani

Dani — Mon, 22 Jul 2024 09:29:58 +0000

I love the way you simplify extremely complicated but common experiences and emotions. It is very helpful and inspiring. However, I do feel there is always the underlying assumption that one is just ready for a relationship and just has to choose and play right. In fact, I believe this person, who is attracted to the wrong people, is in a very similar place emotionally but just plays a different role.

By: Sandra Carr

Sandra Carr — Tue, 11 Jun 2024 20:39:11 +0000

WOW…JUST WOW.
I have been dating someone for a few months. We originally met a year ago when he was in an active relationship and from time to time saw each other in town. On our very first date we had a conversation in which he specifically said “I am not looking for a relationship”! He was clear in his intent with keeping things casual, wants to date and just have fun. Our connection is amazing and we always find something we have in common. Our time together is full of laughter, deep conversations and fun adventures. I am aware he continues to date others. I attempted to set boundaries however, they seem to get blurred at times.
As I type this, he actually is spending a week visiting someone a few hundred miles away that he met a few weeks before he met me. He told me about her early into our conversations. This will be the 3rd time they have spent a week together in the past 2 months. Per him, she provides the event, places to visit, relax and they simply enjoy their time together. Nothing more. He says she has no interest in anything but casual.

I keep thinking because we live in the same city that I actually spend more time with him. We are together more than several times a week. I tell myself because of this we will grow into more. How foolish I now feel. He will return in a few days, text me that he is “back” and will want to see me asap.

I am determined not to waste another day of my precious time being on his roster and/or being his go to locally. He is a free man and I will not chastise him for something he made clear from day one. I will however be having a conversation Matt encouraged in another video. “If you are not even open to the prospect of something more, I think I need to direct my energy somewhere else. No judgement. My time and energy is precious and I am not willing to invest in someone who is not at least heading in the same direction as I.”

Thank you Matthew….for reminding my what my spirit reminds me of daily and that is my heart and my energy are precious.

By: C Knoles

C Knoles — Mon, 03 Jun 2024 18:14:51 +0000

I liked this video even more after I watched MH’s video on 7 tips for “compatibility.” It made me think about the relationship between avoidance and compatiblity. I think I might be dating an avoider. He says he loves me, calls almost every day (he does have a very busy work schedule) and says he wants a permanent relationship as soon as he gets several personal items off his plate. But there always seems to be a delay or another obstacle. He became much more attentive after he sensed I was losing interest and made clear I was not going to wait forever (he moved out, hired a lawyer and will file for divorce next November which is the soonest his state will permit). I wonder whether he is an avoidant and was previously delaying things or if it is a compatiblity issue (his timing on being in a full relationship with me is different than mine). He talks often about us being together and doing certain things once he is free of his current marriage and financial obligations. But when I try to talk specifics about his plans for us actually living together (neither of us want or need marriage), he has no answer about where we will live, etc. He works way too much but says he is going to stop after he pays off certain bills. So is he avoiding specific because he is really trying to pave the way; or is he making excuses to string me along? That is why I liked MH’s other video on compatibility. It could be some of each. Sometimes it feels like I am getting a commitment without a commitment!

By: Angelina Alonso

Angelina Alonso — Wed, 29 May 2024 00:13:27 +0000

The very end where you say “this is not what we’re settling for! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Hit me hard! My whole life I have settled! Always making excuses for either Narcissistic men or men who will never commit!

By: Sherie Rachelle

Sherie Rachelle — Tue, 28 May 2024 22:48:50 +0000

In reply to Kristen.

Hi Kristen,
Thank you for sharing your story. I resonate so much with what you just wrote. I wonder if the damage you think you need to repair is not so much “your” innate damage but thinking you need to repair “your” damage, that was instilled by someone else, before you are worthy of connecting with the one. Holding your standards for a quality, healthy relationship with someone who truly gets you, matches you and values you, even if it means being alone right now, to me is proof that you have grown and healed the part of you that would have accepted that treatment in the past. I truly believe your person is out there, maybe not on the same time line as you right now, but is looking and waiting for you too. I want that for you and wish that for myself too.

By: Sherie Rachelle

Sherie Rachelle — Tue, 28 May 2024 22:32:50 +0000

I have tears in my eyes and my heart is heavy. You are absolutely on target. My painful answer is “absolutely not”! I have remained a “casual friend”of someone I used to have the most intense feelings that I’ve ever had for over 5 years. I thought I was holding high standards and honoring my value in “friendship” by keeping in touch with him … but after watching this video, I realize I have not been honoring my truest feelings and hopes. I had completely cut ties with him for 6 months at first but did not like feeling like I was not being my authentic self … because I still cared about him and wanted him in my life. So even though I reinitiated contact, I have not had sex with him, dated him, flirted with him or called him for these past 4 years. He has called me at least once a week for all these years, and we have met for lunch or dinner every now and then, initiated by him, which I honestly thought verified how much he deep down really valued and loved me. But I can now see how I was trying to keep it “equal” by holding back (which is not my authentic self), and have not been experiencing the depth of mutual “friendship”nor the secret wish for a real”relationship” with him that I still honestly want. I have not been disrespecting myself but I am not being nor receiving my authentic wish NOR honoring myself or my value. The truth is he never initiated contact with me for those 6 “no contact” months and, even though he checks in with me regularly, he does not value me the way I wish he did nor to the depth that is my standard. The truth is … he is still “rotating” me along with his list of other “friends.” I am no more special to him. Although he truly means no harm, and he is a good, honest person, the truth hurts me … and this “friendship” does not remotely resemble what I want, need, deserve or allow from anyone else in my life, besides my family. But that is a whole other story. The bottom line is, even though I don’t want to hurt him by cutting ties, I am hurting myself and my true wishes, desires and standards. I want and deserve to give and receive more. I need to cut the cord. Thank you, Matthew, for sharing your amazing gifts and lessons.

By: Kristen

Kristen — Mon, 27 May 2024 15:59:24 +0000

I’ll be turning 50 this year. I’ve dated since I was 12, had a boyfriend in high school for 3 years. Not really a true connected relationship but it is the only one that lasted more than a year. In essence, one could say that I’ve never had a relationship. I’ve lived in scarcity my whole life. I experienced physical abuse from my father and have been a magnet for narcissists. I’ve spent over 30 years in therapy. I discovered I’m autistic as well and have a lot of trouble socializing and definitely don’t have a group of friends to spend time with. Yet anyone would think I should’ve found someone by now. As if I consciously chose to be single all this time. I’ve chosen not to continue the abuse cycle. My standard is refusal to be with someone like my father. So I find myself wanting someone healthy, yet no healthy person wants to be with someone so damaged. My options are other damaged people, but only the ones who have sought help and are trying to be better. This pool is excruciatingly small. That hope I’ve been living with is truly being shattered the closer I get to my birthday. I have so much damage to repair still before I might find another healthy-ish person on my level. I don’t want to wait until I’m 80 to find that person. But I’m afraid that’s what I’m looking at.

By: Lucie

Lucie — Mon, 27 May 2024 02:51:51 +0000

I have learned so much about relationships since breaking up with my bf 1/2022.

If and when I do meet someone I’m interested in I now understand how a real relationship needs to work..,.
Thank you Matthew. (Love your book/Love Life.)

I will not immediately sleep with anyone. I’ve had that conversation with many guys. As you see I’m still single.

Besides having the exclusivity, invested and committed talk I would never sleep with a man unless I see a very recent (same week) STD/HIV TEST REPORT. I like sex too much to have myself or someone else mess that up. That has been and will always be part of any conversation with a guy I’m interested.in and dating.

Many men have told me NO!!! I move on!!!!

By: Stéphanie

Stéphanie — Mon, 27 May 2024 02:07:34 +0000

This resonate so much. I wish I knew you three years earlier.

I have been in this exact situation. I lost three years of my life. And today I am heartbroken and in pain since 18 months.

He told me he was not ready for something serious after 3 dates but he was ok to be exclusif so I stayed thinking he might change his mind (he got just divorced after a 10 years marriage when i met him).
After 3 years together, he told me he couldn’t go further even if he felt in love with me. I am struggling to get over him. How someone can stay in a realtionship saying they love you, acting like they do, and end things saying they cant commit more? Even Crying to leave but still leaving. I am so confused, disappointed. I feel betrayed, in so much pain, and lost in that love life world.

By: Paula Amador

Paula Amador — Sun, 26 May 2024 23:21:39 +0000

Matthew, I’m finishing chapter 15 in your Love Life book, it has completely blown me away. This video has completely shown me the value in ending a relationship that I am completely heartbroken over, and even though it was my only choice being the one that set off the time bomb in my own life was complete hell. Again because in Love Life, I identified that I’ve always been the one to end it, to stop dealing in bad behavior and short comings and never staying when I finally had enough. This mind shift video, is the greatest follow up to Chapter 14-15, it is a complete waste of time to stay in an imbalanced relationship with anyone. Be it from infidelity or long distance relationships or whatever it is. You have to draw the line get out your ammo box and get out. I commend you for the encouragement that you’re giving the world. I’m 55 and just lost the only person I ever really wanted in my life, I mean I wanted him with every cell of my body. But I feel that strongly and want it that badly so why settle? I can’t. And there’s been weeks where I spent a few days in isolation, didn’t eat, didn’t talk, mourned, and a 2 weeks I took a break from Love Life because it was too real. If you hadn’t released this book when you did, I would be without hope and I have friends and a counselor who are ecstatic about me ending it but my pain my friend it’s real. Thank you Matthew!