Hi, I’m very sorry to hear what you’ve been going through. I know it’s unimaginably tough for having to make a life-changing decision while the deadline for abortion is looming (if it’s an option), and you are probably having morning sickness, too.

I’m not here to provide any amazing advice or anything, but I couldn’t help contacting you because I’m exactly in the same situation as you right now.

I’m 14 weeks pregnant, and my boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for the last six months, he has left me because of this unintended pregnancy. I could resonate so much and simply wanted to explore the ways how to cope with this toughest period of life with you.

How far are you in right now? I’ve contacted several professional support, counsellors and organisations, I can share with you if you need. Please message me if needed/wanted. My full name is written in my email address.

Otherwise, I wish you all the best; even if it feels like a nightmare right now, it will never be the same, and we will eventually get over this. I believe so. I’m sending a big hug to you.

Once I knew we were serious we had an open and honest conversation about what we both wanted for the future. We agreed that be both wanted children at some point and we acknowledged that while we don’t want to rush, there is the age factor from my side that may become an issue if we left it too long. Having looked into fertility, we are both aware that the risk of not being able to have a family increases drastically the longer you leave it past the age of 35 (which honestly sucks) and we accepted that we would rather have a family than not.

Over the past year the relationship has been amazing and he has told me countless times that he will be proposing this year (he asked my multiple times to send him pics of engagement rings I like) and that he cannot wait to have a family with me. He’s even told his family and friends that we’re planning on getting married soon and having two children.

I would like to stress at this point that I have not been pushy from my side at all. I know guys can get scared, so while I wanted this too, I have not put any pressure on him to ‘put a ring on it’, start a family, or even properly move in. I’ve let him stay firmly in the driver’s seat and take the lead on setting the pace that feels comfortable to him.

In May this year we were on holiday and he told me (on more than one occasion) that he thinks we should start trying for a baby this coming December/January (so 6 months hence).

I then discovered the following month that I was pregnant. It was a shock at first, but I was excited, thinking that although it was a little early (we’d been together one year), but seeing as he’d confirmed that he soon wanted to start trying for a family anyway, 6 months surely wouldn’t make a difference…especially as we had only recently had a conversation where we discussed that if we got pregnant earlier, we would most likely keep the pregnancy with all factors considered (my age, previous health problems etc).

However that was not the case.

We talked about it for days on end and it became abundantly clear that there was absolutely no way, under any circumstances, that he wanted this child. His reasons were endless: from his job, to our living arrangements, to the length of time we had been together, he only had arguments as to why we shouldn’t keep it and was simply devastated when he realised I wanted to go through with it.
It didn’t matter to him that I thought it was a blessing, or that it could be the one chance I get, he just kept telling me that I hadn’t thought it through and that we can try again when we are ready.

I felt so sure about my future with him, and now I feel betrayed and, well, confused. Did I misread everything he said? Should I have taken him telling me repeatedly that he wants a family (and soon) as just nice things people say to each other? Is it my fault that I believed him?