No you didn’t mess up. Heck, “Relationships are two way streets, what’s good for him should be good for you, unless your going to allow him de-value your worth to the point where your non existent and need to obey!” You are you and should never feel bad for expressing yourself, for showing your feelings in the same way. “would maybe walking away completely would have been better, yes, but you are you and your feelings are very valid.” I was with a man for 8 years (long distance, haven’t met yet) and we got into our first fight and it was big recently and I just told him “How I felt- recently diagnosed with cancer and he’s wanting to go against my own wishes to stick around longer and I’m like nahhh no thank you, I don’t want to suffer, I don’t want to live with two less organs (or more once or if it has spread already) & deffinantly not chemo.” My body, my wishes, I even said “It’s not that I don’t care, it’s not that I don’t love you, I’m tired and I’ve lived a shitty life so far and can see a much harder and longer road that I don’t want to go down, I told him I don’t know how much time I have left a couple months, a week, who knows (It’s been 4 months that they have wanted to take two organs out as it is, so I may not have too much time left.) anyhow He ghosted me for 9 days, no letters, no phone calls, “we were just about to start our lives together too and he knew I was sick but he keeps ignoring it, he keeps not even asking me what I want, so yeah recently I told him what I want, to be pain free and let God decide how much time I have left.” After he ghosted me for 9 days completely in every way, “Then he calls me from a number that doesn’t pop up on my phone (so I can’t call back, not that I’d want to at this point).” He called one time, around the same time for 3 days in a row and didn’t pick up, for #1. He never said tomorrow I’m going to call you at a specific time. #2. I have been busy and work days I’m the busiest (he knows this). #3. Beginning of the month is the busiest time of month too (laundry, pay rent, grocery shopping for the month) doing this on my own, with cancer, without his help and then he says “why don’t you pick up.” You know what “I’m so tired of his shot, from woman to woman, I’m telling you, I don’t condone nore will I invest 8 years of my loyalty, my time, my $, my energy on a man who thinks it’s ok to disappear for 9 days after me standing up for what I want for myself, my body, and my end of life. Fuck it. I’m not going to sit here and feel shamed, pity, non of it, I want to die in peace and honestly “If this was the Love of my life, he’d understand me better wouldn’t he.” I’m sorry, maybe I have rigged thinking, I have spent many years single in my life and so I stand strong in my morals, belief system and never understood co-dependency, the fact that a relationship means your 1 person (No it doesn’t- There are two souls, two body’s, two different life forces with two difference sets of foods that works best for nourishing there bodies, minds, spiritual well being too. Relationships up me or more about companionship but two people being themselves and seperate and not loosing yourself in each other. Respecting each person’s beliefs and this is one of those times “Regardless of how he or anyone feels.”

I thought this might be a video explaining if he does this, you do this to engage him again, but it really doesn’t feel right when someone is hot and cold and super distant.

My boyfriend came on really strong, we’d been friends for years, we went on a couple of dates and he asked to be a couple right away and said he loved me in the first week, the first month he ‘love bombed’ then he became really distant, stopped saying affectionate things or reciprocating if I did, and stopped saying ‘I love you”, I asked a couple of times to understand how he was feeling and if he still wanted to be together, and he said he did, but that I shouldn’t ask. I explained I had to ask to understand as he was acting totally indifferent except for physical affection.

It went on for a while and I had to ask again ‘ you seek indifferent and I can’t tell how you feel’ and he got annoyed at me asking, and made out the problem was me asking, even though I’d only asked a couple of times to try to understand what I should do. I explained this and he said ‘what do you mean what you should do’ and I said well I’d like to be with a partner who feels the same way, and he said ‘doesn’t everyone’. He seemed shocked I might consider moving on if he was indifferent, and he is now ranging from being really affectionate (hugging, hand holding etc) in person, and occasional affectionate emojis in text, but still really stand-offish and cold.

I haven’t been clingy, I tried to give him space to come to me and figure out how he feels, but it really hurts and it’s so confusing to be with someone inconsistent and distant, who never compliments or reciprocates affection or love. Thank you for highlighting it is ok to say ‘I want to be with someone consistent, and communicative’, as that is what healthy relationships, friendships and community is.

Remove him and move on. His actions have made it clear he is not interested in you. Get back on the dating apps and try again. There are hundreds of options out there – you will find another man.