Comments on: When to Quit a Relationship

By: christina robinson

christina robinson — Thu, 16 Sep 2021 22:35:24 +0000

Excellent advice tried to email you but it wouldn’t go through
The part that rang through to me was this
Matthew:
And that’s when we have to look at our ourselves and say, “Look, I’ve only got three options in life. It’s either that they change to be more of what I need, or I leave, or I stay and I revise my expectations of this relationship in this person.”
At that moment I realized that’s where the blame shifts to me as you said I think by nature we want to keep seeing the best side of a person we fall in love with and that’s fine they could be a great person just not the best person for you if your needs continually do not get met and you’ve done your best to clarify what you want and need if they’re not addressing that then that’s your answer so best to move forward and leave space for someone who can meet your needs or continue at your own risk as they say…
Thanks always for the clarity Matthew and helping us be objective when I believe sometimes that’s very difficult to be when our feelings are involved
Thanks for being the voice of reason once again always appreciated

By: Lisa Lette

Lisa Lette — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 21:20:03 +0000

So what about when the relationship was perfect. The problem is just a recent one. it does seem like he wants to correct it, is very emotional about it and insists he wants to change but it keeps happening over and over again?

By: Doracentier

Doracentier — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 13:25:39 +0000

Wow I feel like I just had a dejavu moment ,I would always tolerate amend things just to feed his ego while I am hurting and eventually sweeep it under the rug we move along with life I was still holding on because I believed he was the love of my love and he finally made a decision to leave because he found someone better , the pain I am feeling is beyond comprehension and funny enough I don’t see myself moving past this , I feel I could only be ok if he is still part of my life.

I blame myself for not been able to let go, but then he promised we are too old to have petty fights and just when I thought things are going well , he started making excuses again that he feels neglected and that time I was dealing with my own issue. Next month its a year but it feels like yesterday. Trust me I was never gonna quit if he has not quitted because despite all the challenges I still loved him.

By: Kristina P.

Kristina P. — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 00:04:12 +0000

My problem is that when I finally do make the decision to get some distance from relationships that don’t work for me, I get some pushback from other people who think I’m being too harsh. :(

By: Lauri

Lauri — Sun, 12 Sep 2021 18:54:45 +0000

You guys are talking about having unreal expectations, but for me, it is the opposite.

I know he can not fulfill my needs, he will not change the behaviors that bother me (we talked about it) and I actually don’t want to be with him anymore.

He has said that he wants to be with me, that I am his love, and his future. But I do not want to have a future with him.

Why am I still in this relationship?

I feel somewhat guilty for crushing his future. I know how to behave to please him, when to shut up and what he likes. Maybe it is his unconditional commitment to me that I am holding on to?!

When I am being myself, we fight. We had moments where it looked like that was it, but he never left. He always comes back.

By: Lisa Willis

Lisa Willis — Sun, 12 Sep 2021 16:59:08 +0000

Realizing that throughout a long marriage I had been the one who was lowering my expectations became clear when I decided to leave and did it. He didn’t really apologize for treating me badly, he was simply angry because I had always accepted his poor behavior. He actually said that he had been unavailable for planned dates before and I’d never gotten upset about it. What???? What an eye-opener!!!

By: Cammy

Cammy — Sun, 12 Sep 2021 14:46:43 +0000

This is one of the best podcasts ever. I totally had an epiphany. If I have trouble making changes to my lifestyle why should I expect that my partner will change. I now have the strength to leave a man who cannot meet my needs and look for someone who shares my life goals. Thank you for pointing this out.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Sun, 12 Sep 2021 13:25:02 +0000

That was me, but I don’t think I ultimately made the decision to leave. He left me twice. It just took time for me to heal and feel solid, again. It took a couple of years, but I’m okay now. It’s been about 3 or 4 years, since it ended, and I haven’t been able to date since then.

By: Aston

Aston — Sun, 12 Sep 2021 13:01:20 +0000

What happens if he’s finally decided to change (and is showing some evidence of this), but it feels too late. If he’s doing everything I asked for 2 years ago, so it now feels awful to end it but it still doesn’t feel right.