I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
You are always great in video and live because you appear real down to earth, video was great. One thing you teach to women in get the guy is the most important is love ourselves. I’ve found that loving myself, having alone time is good for my growth, if I feel lonely I get in the car and go somewhere. ..I am by myself when I’m at home however I don’t dwell on the fact that no one lives with me, I believe and know I’m doing what I need to be ready when the time comes that special person enters. When I’m out I make people laugh and feel good about themselves I go home alone but I feel good about others I’ve touched.
I think it is a great video and the length is ok.
I really feel that we spend too much time hurting one another rather than connecting and finding good ways to relate.
Especially as a woman the cat fights are unbearable, which has helped me decide to stay home rather than venture and waste my time.
On the other hand, i have always had jobs that lead to extensive contact with people. And i enjoy being alone–since i carry on many activities.
But yeah, it is good to feel that we are not alone.
Thanks for sharing and thanks for the passion you and your brother put in your videos/writings!!
Thank you for this, Matthew. I have been terribly lonely off and on for years. It is so hard to be motivated to achieve anything alone. In your book you say, before you get the guy, you have to get a life. I don’t know where to find energy to do this, however. There’s just this emptiness that seems to grow bigger all the time. I have reached out to a friend and may start talking to a counselor. But I have had many counselors in the past, it’s hard to have faith that this will be different but I am trying. When I am at my best, I am normally an enthusiastic, positive person who soaks up every bit of life. I wonder what any of your followers would think about starting a support group or something. I would love to be able to attend a retreat. I know I’ve spent more than that on counselors and medications that are only temporary fixes. What I wouldn’t give to have the one I love to come home to. Now I am rambling too…thank you for caring.
I really needed to hear your message about loneliness. I have been so discouraged by scammers on these on line dating sites, I feel so deeply hurt because I do not understand any of it. How they can say such meaningful things, but not mean any of it!! I am scared, so scared that I will spend the rest of my life alone, it terrifies me. I lay awake at night and wonder if or when I will find someone to love me. I am 63 and I wasted most of my life with the wrong men, hoping they would change. Now here I am alone, I cryed as I sat here listening to Matthew. Its like he knows. I will heed his words and try to comfort others who might feel the same. Thank you Matthew. God bless you.
Sally, when I read your post, it was as though I had written it! I have been doing my best to believe that life can change in an instant, that there are good men out there, and they are wondering where we are. Sending you a virtual hug and wishes for good things to happen – and soon!
Hello Sally. I am 58 and have had yr experiencevtoo amongst other things so put my lovelife on hold until certsin circumstances change but just seems never ending.. Hard to really trust too as do many men our age married and just want to play around. A guy actualky told me that most guys onn those dating chat sites are married. I feel like u do too but hard to get out docially due to my circumstances but am going to mke more of an effort to turn every opportunity when out djopping etc to take initiative with men I normally wud djy awsy frm and CHOOSE THE MEN MYSELF NOT THEM CHOOSE ME FR ONCE. I Have heard of online relationdhips working out but I ptefer to see the real thing then u can check.out their body language etc. Our age men dont want to wadye time dating I noticed and just want to get straight to it but I say that I wud lke to tke bit slow to mke sure but ALWAYS A GAMBLE RISK NO MSYTER WHST WHETHER GET MARRIED OR JUST LIVE TOGETHER BUT WE CAN B MORE EDUCATED ON TED GLSGS TO LOOK FOR AND I DO FOLLOWY INSTINCTS AS SO FAR MY INSTINCTS CORRECT SFTER CERTAIN NEGATIVE EXPETIENCES. THERE IS HOPE FR US, LOOK ON TV HOW PEOPLE AGED EVEN 80 YRS FIND ANOTHER MATE. THKU FR SHARING AND I will watch that movie. I hope you can find some solace in reading other comments. I’m new to his channel but am going to try some of suggestions thst I am able to do & see what happens. Dont give up and remember u r a special unique woman & deserve better. Yes it is rewarding helping others but sometimes WE also need pampering and looked after too. Being grateful fr what we do hve helps but still hard I know. Hope life will improve fr you. Take care luv Gigi XO
The point of life – is that if you want something, you will be happier if you are taking action steps towards achieving that vision.
Whether or not you reach the goal is a question of time and effort and a future that you or I or Matt or anyone cannot see right now. But you must use your logical mind to try to get to the things that you desire.
Don’t stop trying if it’s something that you want. Set expectations with yourself as to what your efforts are. And go forward in your process, whatever that is.
As a society, we are so focused on end goals that often times we miss out on fully experiencing the journey as it unfolds. Life itself is a journey. Every day is a miracle in that the world turns without fail and we are able to greet the Sun every morning.
Find out what are your action steps and take them. That is all you can do. That is all there is to do. Everything else is just peanuts.
If you think that a boyfriend or a husband would automagically fix everything, then well – that’s no guarantee. There is no crystal ball. We are not psychic. No one can predict the future. We all hope to attain a relationship, because we think we will be happier with the attainment of it. I am saying let’s be that much happy now. Pretend that the future holds the relationship if you must. But be happy in the now and see all of the delightful things that presently exist in the world.
Only you can live your life. Relationships are like two people walking their own paths, which sometimes intersect and sometimes will meander their own routes. You always have to run your own trail, anyway. Just be happy now.
It’s late. And I needed to write for a bit. Sorry for my very long message.
Tku Sydney. Hope u hve nice sleep. :)
Sorry Dalky fr typo errors. Meant to say I LEARNED RED FLAGS TO LOOK FOR AND NOT TO IGNORE THEM. IT LOOKS LIKE MATT’S VIDEO WAS VERY MUCH NEEDED GRM ALL THE COMMENTS. I’m in Australia & was up to 5:30am on his website crying reading all the comment, many identify with. Tried to reply to dome to try to help. I’d been holding myself strong keepingy emotions at bay fr so long that this video and comments just made me let go and ball my eyes out. Let us all be kind to each other and learn frm each other. Matt does seem genuine to me even tho he hsd to run a business and think he reslising judt how much mire complicated life really is out in the big world & comfort thst he willing to ask fr our comments & he too gets lonely. Thinking of u and all women like us or even the men, all ages. But our age I feel smetimes is time running out fr me? But I hve plenty to do here. Take care Sally. Luv Gigi lots big hugs even tho u dont know me we do share something. :) XO
Dear Matt,
Funny I should receive this video via email right at this moment…..for the last year I have been struggling terribly with loneliness and I guess a form of grief over the loss of my former life and social connection..
Briefly after 17 years of living in my community the house I was living in was sold unexpectedly and I suddenly found myself thrust back into the rental market and finding it extremely difficult to find a place to live not only from the expense point of view but also because I found that there was now a blanket ban on having a pet which I have.
Thankfully I had great references but they were of no use in securing a home once I mention I had a pet/companion so after searching near and far and looking at 87 properties in all and basically looking at being homeless as the due date where i had to vacate where I was living was quickly approaching I finally managed to find a place approximately 100 k further out of the city where i worked so suddenly I was faced with a daily commute of 200 k and the prospect of living in a small community where i didn’t know anyone and dealing with small town mentality and homophobia toward gay people (I should have mention that I’m gay)so this really increased my sense of isolation as it became extremely hard to find anyone who would associate with me and to add to it all my friends and social connections stopped contacting me as to them I might as well have moved to Siberia.
During the period of looking and trying to survive my pet also snapped his crutiate ligament and developed a cancerous tumor on his belly) so at 16 years of age he faced 3 major surgeries ( 2 on the tumor to make sure they got it all) so this added to the stress plus the financial pressure.
Thankfully he survived and is doing great but the aftermath of all this turmoil was that I found myself really struggling with isolation and loneliness and depression.
I have done a ton of research and discovered that many of the symptom I have been experiencing are the normal reaction to loneliness and isolation and knowing this and being able to actually understand this has been extremely helpful as I thought that perhaps i was losing my mind.
Your video really made me think that as you said loneliness is indeed a killer and epidemic these days and I thank you for posting this as it helps to know that I’m not a nutso and that regardless of how wonderful a life we might think someone else is having compared to ours, behind the smiles there may very well be a person struggling with depression loneliness and feelings of isolation.
Trust me your video helped big time.
Thanks Matt
Indeed – quite possibly your best video ever. Most certainly a message that desperately needs to be heard – and repeated often! Thank you Matthew
Hey it’s Sasha,
I thought that was a really thought provoking message. I could definitely relate to having the loneliness of an idea that no one shares. There are lots of times where I think a certain way that no one else in my family does. But if anyone can do it, we can. I really apreciate your honesty in quoting high school musical. We’re all in this together. Hope everyone has a lovely week!
S
Spot on…. and it does always feel like you are the “only one”…. and isn’t it interesting how we can feel so alone even in a crowd of people whom we know. I just experienced this last night and took action to remove myself as it was too intense. I actually had better company in the company of just myself. And it’s not always a bad thing!
I’m struggling with loneliness right now. I feel so so so very alone at this very moment that watching your video helped me a little bit to understand that I’m not the only one. I’ve no one to love and when someone is attracted to me it turnes into a real giantess with me being the only one hurt. I’ve set some goals and sometimes I feel like they are too far away from me and are unattainable to someone like me. I feel like my only purpose is to be lonely and miserable. Lol I laugh but it’s how I truly feel. Watching your video comforted me, knowing that im not the only one. And it’s true what you say: loneliness is a killer.
Hi Matt,
Thank you SO much for the lonlinrss video! Growing up, I had a sad Mom and she would tell me that I was the only one who could take her from sad to laughter. As time passed, I realized she suffered from lonliness. You don’t have to be alone to be lonely.
I’m now 59 and a retired social worker. Spending my career and much of my personal life helping others, I’ve realized the benefits of how helping others makes me feel less lonely..yes “less” lonely. Like you said, it strikes all of us.
Like all people, I’ve experienced some rough patches, and at those times one realizes not only who your true friends are, but also how rare they are.
Truth!! There are givers, takers and inbetweeners. It’s easier to focus on our own pain. I hope your video moves a few at least to move forward. It touched my heart.
Thank you
Beautiful post Matt.I’m glad you chose to leave it unedited. It was so informative and most of all Relevant! I feel better now about something I never try to think about too often.. and certainly never talk about. Sending Love to you and everyone out there who needs it. xoxo
Thank you Matthew for sharing it with us , it is how I feel right now ….. I have a wonderful life surrounded by amezing friends, though but yet so much alone and loneliness has became my companion. Triste.
very heartfelt video! I have been facing be alone for many years in the relationship department. Going through a divorce and even in the time of marriage was a very lonely time in my life. Thinking you’re partner and yourself will be engaging in the same interests didn’t happen during 10 years of marriage. At that time I was doing many things myself. I really need a companion to share life with.
Most *real* I think you’ve seemed. Felt like we were getting more of the authentic depth you have to offer. Thank you.
Great video – honest – relatable & raw. Makes one feel so not alone. Sometimes us “normal” people need to hear this. And to know that Matt (expert) feels it too. Great job – glad you did not shorten it!
Andrea
It is one of the most beautiful videos. Thanks for sharing with us. We have to accept that feel loneliness is part of life. I love your videos.
Hi Matt – really beautiful message delivered with such authenticity. Understandable that you would feel lonely too, especially after a big event of connection, but also longing for a deeper connection too. You give so much and travel so much, that it must be hard to live a consistent life able to connect with loved ones regularly. Of course I do relate to the struggle with loneliness at times and continue to work on self love and acceptance, filling up my own heart and shifting my perspective that I’m not so different because that only increases the feeling of separation. I find doing the “loving kindness meditation” helps me in those darker moments. Anyway, you’re a beautiful spirit doing such great work in the world and I appreciate you showing up in my inbox. Sending much love also to you in easing your loneliness.
What I appreciated most from you Matthew was your openness to being vulnerable for all of us. Thank you for not editing the video because I felt like I was getting the “real” Matthew Hussey. Like you, I find it interesting that we’re in a world where we can connect to another human being in seconds and we often choose not to or the connection is very surface level. There is still something to be said about hearing a person’s voice (which can also be a big turn on) or sitting with them face to face if you can that is missing from social media and causing more loneliness.
I decided to learn how to ballroom and latin dance to try and meet a man. Five years later, I’ve become a competitive ballroom dancer and still single. Dancing allows me to express my feelings and learn about who I am in a partnership which has helped, but the dance world can be lonely because a lot of the guys just want to dance with the best dancers. I haven’t found too many that actually want a relationship. I really enjoy my pro partner who is also my instructor but the longing to have my partner for life is sometimes heart breaking. Thank you for doing what you do! I’ve learned a lot and will keep trying to find love and in the meantime, I’ll just keep loving my family, friends and dance partner until he comes.
Nailed it. At the end of the day, regardless the number of people I am with or encounter, I’m quite lonely. For the past several months, I’ve been more proactive & focused. I have tried to implement the things I’ve learned from your videos/website etc. I am ready for a relationship, but obv not going to settle for the sake of companionship. However, between the typical busyness of life and the dead ends, I must admit the discouragement is slowly wearing me down… to a place where I sometimes feel as though it’s just not meant for me to have a real relationship. Which I also struggle with so it’s a vicious cycle of emotions… one that makes chilling in my bed with Netflix more appealing. Atleast in that scenario I can regroup after an exhausting day/week of work & kids.
Hai Matthew,
Lonelyness feels like empty in your deepest heart. All material needs u have achieved in life, still have those feelings.. emptyness.
Friends, family, girl friend,boy friends, they could not fullfield your feelings.
Your soul need to be provides.. spiritual sides of human beings. We need to fill our soul to complete our lives..
Hope soon you will found out ‘things’ to fullfilled your emptyness.
As we all know, feeling lonely could make somepeople commit suicide. I’m sure you have positive ways no to do it.. :)