I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
I love you too Mat! I am sharing my loneliness with you and all the beautiful and handsome people who see this! cheers to our loneliness!
loved your video
It felt truely sentimental to know that you can recriprocate the feeling and share with the rest of the world, in such an incredible way, of how we all struggle to get through our own feelings of doubt. Sometimes the happiest people are the ones who hurt the most deep down.
I myself am still struggling over a fella that was not only a boyfriend that I dated when I traveled to Ireland at Xmas, but also my absolute best friend. Last summer when I went to see my family in Ireland I knew things were off and I couldn’t figure out why until I figured out he was dating another woman and he wasn’t honest about it, when funny enough we had never had a fight ever, and even when we were apart we still kept in contact and kept the peace. When he said he wanted to just be friends and then never talked with me again… It absolutely crushed me and still does. How can something that went so well go so wrong? Sometimes he looks at my snapchats but then fades away again as quick as it came and then nothing for months… Still no real contact though… Ouch…what does it mean??? I have no clue but it does make me feel lost and it does make me feel lonely but also makes me feel happy that the times we did share were happy and that it’s not all my fault and even though it’s tough going through this it’s making me wiser in the process.love you Mathew! Xoxoxoxo
You truely are the best fella out there! ✌
I’m a single woman living by myself and loneliness is something I have to live with and I often cry but it’s something I’m also too embarrassed to talk about. I feel it most when I walk in the dark by myself and at home at night. I’m doing everything I can to try to fix it like attending lots of meet-up groups but there is no fast solution.
Thank you for putting this video together. The video gave me reassurance and comfort as the last couple of days have been trying. Loneliness is something many of us shine away from talking about even among our friends or family. For me, anyway I know the last thing I want to admit is vulnerability. My response/ coping mechanism has been to look at all I have to be grateful for, that somehow accomplishments should make me immune to not feeling lonely at times. As I have gotten older I have become more aware of the feeling of loneliness and actually able to put language to the feeling. What surprised me is experiencing it even when I am among a group of people, family & friends, as you don’t think you would experience it beyond when you are by yourself. You expect it when you are alone but not in a group setting.
Authentic. Pure. Unadulterated.
No planned PR or storybook laughter.
Just raw empathy.
You have a beautiful heart.
Well done, my “good man with an edge.”
❤
Your best message, yet. I am in my late fifties, married and divorced twice, 3 successful children, two grandchildren, solid friendships, wonderful boyfriend. I still feel twinges of loneliness, because my best friend died of breast cancer four years ago. I know and have accepted that I will never have the closeness I had with her. Every once in awhile, I will feel that extreme loneliness you discussed. It’s just a part of life, and you expressed it beautifully.
t h a n k y o u M a t t h e w
w e a l l L O V E y o u
Thanks Matt, a beautiful and transparent video! I am grateful you left it unedited.
Possibly because lonliness is perceived as weakness and a flaw on our part, we are not keen to expose it or readily admit to it. As you say, maybe talking about it more would help to break that notion down.
Thanks again Matt for this one!
Well, thanks Matt, for making me bawl my eyes out into my coffee this Sunday morning, ALONE. :-). Thank you for addressing this topic. I can imagine the scenario where you go on stage before a large crowd, then go back home to a lonely situation. I recently “met” a man on a dating website who is famous and I said to him, “You? Really? On a dating website?” He said yes, he was lonely. So you’re right, we are all in the same boat. Thank you for having the courage to bring it up. I’m feeling better already.
I AM an only child,my parents are deceased,and I stayed alone most of my life. I AM also unmarried.I was 2 weeks late and my mum decided to have the doctors take forceps and yank me out of the womb, by my head.Now on my own,I felt like “I was not Enough”.Because as an infant, I wasn’t enough to take care of myself and for a very long time after that.The belief grooved into my brain, because this was true for so long(until I could take care of myself).But by then, it became a strong, unconscious belief. As you said, solitude is a gift, if one chooses to make it that way.This very week, I used that solitude to come to that very, monumental realization. I thought, “That is why when a romantic partner is taken away from us,it feels like life or death.” Now knowing where this belief/feeling came from, I can now longer think this way. I believe this is universal, whether one is born on time or even a preemie. And the way one handles and creates their life is depending on one’s personality. Some excel and some wither. If we all knew this was the case, we would create our lives by being Authentic and have comfort inside.
I think this is an amazing video. Thank you for being so sincere Matt! When you talk about your own feelings, it relates you so much to your audience! You are a very, very special and unparalleled life coach!
Elena
Being alone with your diseased body. I have not heard your thoughts on being lonely because your body has failed you. How do I meet someone special when I seem to spend all my time at doctor offices? It’s a sad and scary place to be! I never had problems with meeting men. But when cancer struck at age 22, my priorities changed. I kept up with my full time plus career. I covered my scars. I got married at age 29, had a daughter and was married for 20 years. But, at age 49 my husband, age 50, wanted a divorce. I guess the cancer had spread and so had my scars. At age 52 the caner was back with a vengeance and since most of my tongue had to be removed, I could no longer hide my scars…I have to talk and eat. There is my problem smattered in plain sight…I sound different when I talk. People automatic think I am dumb, stupid because I do not sound like everyone else. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO BESIDE MAYBE SPEECH LESSONS!! But I’m not given the time of day to get to know someone. I feel like the most lonely person. I want to cuddle, be touched like anyone else. I need help please. How do I meet someone when I don’t feel my best or sound normal. A person can only hide behind the internet as voiceless for so long. I apologize for my rambling…however I hope you get the point.
Matthew, this was such a touching video and I’m glad you didn’t edit it, it was heartfelt, deep and spot on, perfect as you made it, thank you. I often struggle with loneliness (since childhood in a family that isn’t intimate) and feel that I must be the only one for all the reasons you mentioned…I don’t spend much time on FB because seeing other people’s “happy family/friend -filled persona” makes me feel sad and lonelier. My brother’s loneliness killed him and I thought it was interesting that you said that loneliness is a killer…it truly can be. I am preferring to say “solitude” as you did instead of aloneness or loneliness and in my solitude, sometimes chosen, sometimes not, I have grown, learned and accomplished a lot and I do enjoy my own company immensely, fortunately. I am grateful to have such wonderful friends who truly love me and vice versa and I feel better knowing that others, including you, struggle with this feeling of loneliness, despite all the connections. It’s just particularly hard for me being single for a long time when others are getting into relationships and seem to be having a lot more fun as a couple and doing what I wish I could. I feel for all of us who struggle with loneliness whether alone or in company and you have just brought all of us closer to ourselves and each other. Thank you for being you and being so real and sharing yourself and your powerful way of communicating and connecting. Hugs to you and everyone here!
I can appreciate how difficult it can be to just be vulnerable, but I really appreciated it coming from you. I’ve had to start over completely recently, and this includes moving back to a place I didn’t want to be, not having many friends available anymore to do things with, and not having any romantic relationship of any sort. But I have learned wonderful things about myself, and I’ve become stronger and a better person because of my loneliness. As you said, it’s not a bad place to be. It forces growth if you do the right things with it and don’t just go running from it.
Everything you do is fantastic.
My loneliest moments have been times when time itself seems to pass too slowly, they are quiet moments when I’m acutely aware of the lifelessness of objects around me.
When that happens, it’s important to call someone, to reach out, to have a conversation (about anything), or just step outside.
We are genetically 99.99% alike. We are not as different from each other as we think and love’s eyes and ears can help us understand each other far better than our minds.
Being heart centric brings a full-ness from within and it is of course easier said than done.
How do you sound so put together and intelligent even when you’re improvising? You are very good at this. Xo
You are precious. I love you too
Thank you Matthew it’s my birthday today and it’s probably the most amazing present I could get.
I was recently in Dubai the best place in the world and even I was happy I was feeling lonely. And thank you for bring the topic up sometimes we don not speak about something what is really important and as you mentioned social media are great but does it make me even more lonely there is not the interaction we used to have. Meeting the boy cross the street I don’t even know who my neighbours are. We are living in diffrent time and is the loneliness ok ? I don’t think so we should come back to where we were before less social media and more intervation. How to do that ? I don’t have a clue it’s not any more how to get the guy it’s more how to reach the guy as we are not in the place where we used to be . Definetelly nor loneliness and even though I am on my birthday alone I can enjoy it and it’s not the end of the world as I need the guy who will share my next birthday.
I found this on a day I feel very lonely and reflective. For most of my life I filled all of my empty spaces with work. A man came into my life a few years ago, and I thought he was “the one”. But he was not. But it woke me up to all of life I was missing. It took me getting into my 50’s to learn that lesson. Now I worry I will be alone forever, and no matter how many friends, family or extra curricular activities, I will never be able to fill that empty space of not having a man in my life who I can love and who will love me. Thanks to all who are sharing their stories.
Matthew what a great topic to discuss about and bring awareness to! U did it in such an understanding way that people could relate to. U r a true genuine! We need more people like u to be our voice. Loneliness is a BIG topic….and must be discussed more so now than ever before….especially relating to society now a dayz. We have turned into a culture with wanting fast easier answers, but it doesn’t work that way. Life is hard and it has good and bad moments. It all should be equally discussed!
U r a GREAT communicater, keep up the great blogs!
Blessings to u!
I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.
– Hafiz
Thank you Matt for the video, it was great to talk about loneliness because you are right everyone feels like this at times. I know that I tend to feel lonely when I go out to dinner with friends and they are with their significant other. Also I feel lonely when I see couples posting pictures happily in love. I also say to myself That will be me one day. This is why I made the decision to purchase your book because it has helped me communicate better with people and I am closer to finding that guy for me. So thank you, you are an inspiration