I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
Magnificent Matthew! Thank you for your authenticity and wisdom!
I loved this video! I am just getting over a painful break up with my boyfriend who I was deeply in love with. In the wake of this break up, I have decided to try something different and that is to take all of the love, support and laughter that he was giving me and give it to myself rather than rush back into dating again. I think it is essential to learn how to be alone and love oneself before you can be a truly great partner to someone else. Do nice to know that someone as gorgeous and lovely as you had felt lonely too and it is in this quiet moments with ourselves that we truly grow I believe. Thank you Matthew for this video❤️
Hi Matt,
Thanks so much for your eloquent, raw & very real video. I think you do an amazing job at being authentic. Something very important (I think) in your field of expertise. I have often watched your video’s for several reasons;
1. Authenticity
2. Kindness of delivery of information (sensitive topics too)
3. The infamous and mysterious Jameson (much like Carlton the doorman)
4. Spot on advice delivered and the way in which it’s delivered
All around you seem like a grounded guy, doing what he loves, doing it incredibly well ..so that means (to me) you are also inspiring-
Keep On Keepin’ On….
Madison / Encinitas, CA
Thank you so much Matthew for this video, I’ve always felt alone and like I’m The one who doesn’t fit in, but I’ve learned to accept that, and in my lonliness I’ve grown so much as a person, so now I don’t see it as a bad thing, but there are times when you can’t help to feel alone, now I know I have this vídeo to help me feel better. I’m sorry if my english is bad, I’m from Honduras and I love your work, thanks to you my perspective in life has change, and I’ve become more happy and more confident, so thank you so much. Keep going The good work.
Your vulnerability is inspiring. Thank you for sharing this with us!
As Aristotle said: ” Man is by nature a social animal.”
No one likes feeling lonely, and it’s only human to feel that way.
If we all feel lonely, then we are all together, feeling that way.
So let’s be lonely together.
I live right now with my grandmother, far from my parents, and my siblings. Never I felt lonely as recently I felt.
So, I decided to do something nice, to get myself motivated, and feel that there is a good purpose for being alone right now.
I wrote down 15 goals I want to achieve in my life. Started with small easy to get ones, then moved to more hard to get.
I wrote all of them in yellow sticky notes, and sticked them to my mirror.
Now every morning when I wake up, and look at myself in the mirror there are 15 reasons that keep me from falling apart.
Thanx Matt for everything.
Love you and your advives.
Thku great idea tke care Gigi
I loved the rawness of the video! It makes you real, and a relateable person. As Brene Brown put it…”we need those that are willing to get into the arena with us with an understanding”…Thank you, Matt!
Love,
Debra Renee
This video is an example of why you are unique in your field and are so successful. You are genuine and honest, with a kind heart and we all feel that and therefore trust you. Modeling how vulnerability can lead to connection is also an extremely helpful and inspiring message. Thank you for being open, thank you for making this video, and for choosing to live a life in order to help all of us which puts you in lonely situations more often than you’d like (or we’d like for you).
Thank you for creating this video, Matt (and not editing). As a now 30 year old woman I think I have spent the majority of my twenties doing my thing in life for all intensive purposes, alone. I left home to go to university at 21 and from that point on my life turned into a big solo adventure. Prolonged romantic relationships have been very few and far between.
I remember deciding at one point that I was tired of facing declined invitations from dorm friends for fun outings and I decided then and there that I would never again wait for companionship to start living a new life full of opportunities that my small-citied suburban childhood could never have offered.
I have had so much fun, developed myself, and learned things about myself in this past decade that have been priceless all thanks to my willingness to do it alone if that’s what it took to live the life I wanted for myself. I have also experienced strange and isolating (arguably shameful) things like getting singled out and then kicked out of a graduate program for not operating and thinking like everyone else in the cohort (side note: I was also the only one who created a blog for the program ever in the program’s history, probably, and who went to hawaii for field work! But they didn’t want a wildflower in a vase of roses so I got kicked out).
**But that led to me starting a new grad program in Portland, Oregon where a new friend told me all about you!! And here we are (: **
Yes, I left a baby shower yesterday realizing I may very well have been the only single person my age in the house. Yes, I get an odd sense from time to time that I “shouldn’t” be single at this point in my life, yenno? But then I realize I love the chance to do things this circumstance affords me.
You’re right– everyone WILL feel lonely because no one can live every single moment of our lives with someone else holding our hand. And it shouldn’t be shameful or taboo that we aren’t in constant company or that we’re the “only one” doing, feeling, or thinking something so long as it’s not harmful. But how we choose to optimize alone time and frame our isolating (dare I say “defining”?) situations creates a different story to tell. No one famous in history escaped an isolating circumstance– it’s what made them historical. There’s only one Oprah, Ghandi, etc.
Matt & team (poor Jamison was basically invisible until vday in my PJs!) , Get the guy / love life has been undeniably monumental for my personal growth and I’m sure everyone else’s on here. Thank you for your willingness to feel lonely sometimes if it results in this awesome resource (:
My decades-long, mostly miserable marriage has ended. I’ve been “alone” for more than a year. I make a distinction, now, between “lonely” and “lonesome.”
I engage with almost 100 people a day at work. When I get home I crave quiet and solitude. It has been a luxury that I enjoy very much.
I am happy.
But every once in a while, a wave of LONESOME will wash over me. I want contact. And sometimes I wish I could walk down the street holding hands with someone I am connected with. Or sit in a movie with shoulders touching.
But I’m not LONELY. Nothing is as lonely as being married to someone who considers you irrelevant. Loneliness includes elements of hopelessness, which can lead to desperation. In all these months I have never felt lonely.
Only a sweet lonesome. Which for me, is part hope.
Thank you Matthew, for taking off your mask ;) Thank you for opening up, being genuine and showing your ‘vulnerability’ or should I say humanity?
I was moved to tears at first- and speachless.. And then a smile appeared on my face again.
I really like these kind of ‘confessions’ and sincere video’s (as well as all the other things!).
So thank you again. :)
Much love x Melody
Thank you for this video Matthew, which reminded me how precious the moments of solitude are.
More than two years ago I came from Europe to the United States because I needed exactly that.
Getting away from everyone and everything that I was accustomed to.
It was crucial in order to grow as a person. I could finally be myself. Moreover I had to be myself because there was no one else in this country who could help me. And being alone makes you definitely a better and stronger person.
I appreciate the people I am with on a totally different level, but I am also so proud of myself.
No matter what I needed and wanted to do in this country, I had to do by myself and this made me more independent and self-confident than I ever thought I might become.
I had to face the challenge to study in an different language, had to find an apartment and car by myself, I traveled by myself, but also opened up to get in touch with new people. All of a sudden I had so much time to think what is truly important to me and who this person is that I want to be.
But also as what kind of person do I want to be perceived as?
This experience is so enriching that I in fact believe that this was the best decision I ever took in my life.
Therefore thank you Matthew for reminding me to be grateful for both, the moments of solitude and the times of companionship.
Hi Matt! Thank you for being so candid in todays video. I have always wanted that loving, romantic relationship that we all dream about and so far in my 33 years I’ve only been in one and that was 6 years ago. We dated for about 9 months before I broke up with him. I felt lonely at times as most people would I suppose but I didn’t know the depth of loneliness until I got a call from mother a little over a year later she told me he passed away. It still pains me to this day, though not to such extreme levels. I admit I completely isolated myself for a couple years. Just this last year I finally have worked through some emotions I had surrounding his death, like would he still be alive if I hadn’t have broken up with him. What would our relationship look like now, reality vs fantasy. Admitting to myself that I had a deeper love for him than I originally thought/let myself feel. What still really gives me the empty gut lonely feeling is when I think about his daughters. They were 7 and 6 when he passed. I still cry for them, thinking about how they feel having to navigate the world without his presence. All the experiences they have yet to go through that he wanted to share like teaching them to drive, watching them graduate, walking them down the aisle. His death bonded all of us together, and since they don’t really have one, I have decided I would try to be a strong, positive, female role model for them. I’m starting to see more of them as time progresses. Now, every other month I spend a day with the girls and we also get together for holidays and birthdays. In fact I’m seeing them today because it’s the youngest’s 12th birthday party. Sometimes when I think about how things have turned out, I wonder how often does THIS experience happen. How many people dated someone with children only to find out their ex passed away and now they are more integrated with the ex’s family than when the were in the relationship. And how many of those people are trying to make a difference within that family? It strangely has its own isolated feeling, which I don’t experience as negative, I just notice it. And sometimes I do wish I had someone to talk to that related to my experience.
Thank u for this video, I believe in being honest with our feelings & I find it opens people up to me. I have worked hard and have many rewards But yes at times I feel deeply lonely and at times I feel deeply lively
I have watched many of your videos and I have to say that this one is my all-time favorite. You put your heart out there unapologetically for all to see. That took guts. I have several advanced degrees and perform before large crowds but I am one of the loneliest people you will ever meet.It’s a daily struggle compounded by the failure of past relationships, depression and feelings of hopelessness. I often turn to meditation and creative pursuits for solace. My journal is my best friend. I am grateful for this magical medium we call the Internet that connects us to inspiring people like yourself. Continue being real. You never know who may be falling in love with your smile.
Thku Matt. I watchd yr video on yr YouTube channel on my desktop tdy & posted a comment to u & another person. Hope u post more videos on deep subjects. Loneliness can b fr many reasons in many ways and even more so fr certain individuals. Having to live in certain circumstances where u cannot tell anyone else so u don’t betray smeones confidence. Glad u included not being like- minded with family or
Other people around u & cannot afford to go out to join groups due to health issues or caring fr smeone at home etc etc can b feelling depressed and put on a brave face to others when u do see them but smetimes a person can really b happy just to see someone when they answer the door as just so glad to talk even if just a contractor checking fr gas leak or neighbour. I found being a newbie wth smartphne & co.putet I was & am calling the internet privider or phne provider ustomer service officers or techs from all over the world & ad a social inquisitive person I aleays strike up a conversation ad ask where r they in the world then we ask each other questions re our culture etc & they gve me tbeir direct work email address so can get same person so can build up a bit of a rapour and it mkes their working day a lot cheerier & cheers me up too as many in third world countries. At night is the hardest fr me or when added struggle with ASD member of family. Just try to get up everyirning to try to b pisitive & u hve to keep going but loneliness or feelling alone can lead to depression. I know tbete are many of us out there, all ages feel the same and I read the Youtube comments, which I’m very grateful for them sharing too. I wish fr them all that good nicnice things will come their way and don’t give up. AND YES YES YES LITTLE ACTS OF KINDNESS OR KIND WORDS MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE TO ONES DAY. NEED ALONE TIME FR SURE, SMETIMES JUST WANT NEED PEACE, I find gardening even weeding good fr bringing back happy memories, close to nature & animals. But miss cuddles, hugs with caring affectionate man, doesn’t need to b rich just decent cuddly guy suited to me and my circumstances. Many many lonely young ones out there, all ages unemployed who do want jobs, elderly, the list goes on SO LET’S ALL SEND EACH OTHER A GREAT BIG BEAR HUG AND SAY HI AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE SO LET’S TALK. HOW R U REALLY FEELLING TODAY? IF SMEONE NEAR U, JUST LEAVE A LITTLE GIFT, MAYBE A BAG IF FOOD ON TBEIR FRONT DOORSTEP ANONYMOUSLY, ALL KINDS WAYS TO CHEER HELP ONE ANOTHER. THX TOO STEVE AND GLAD MATT DID NOT EDIT HIS VIDEO. WE ALL LEARN FRM EACH OTHER. Take care everyone. Gigi
Thank you so much for your teaching on Loneliness. It’s is very comforting to know we all go through it. YOU ARE AMAZING! You still taught me something…to turn my loneliness into making someone feel good…great twist because knowing me, that action will cheer me up.
Thank you so much for doing this video Matt and raising awareness. I work in Mental Health & many of my clients are lonely and socially isolated. Can I share this video with them?
It’s a shame that you don’t live in London anymore. If you did I’d suggest calling me whenever you were lonely so we could meet up & hang out together. You’re never alone Matt – you have so many people out there that love you and appreciate the work that you do. In many ways you help people stop being lonely.
If you’re ever feeling lonely Matt feel free to email me & I’ll see what I can do. The time difference might be difficult but it’s always a pleasure talking to you.
Take care of you & take comfort in the fact that we all love you very much. You’re a wonderful person who has helped so many people. Xxx
Thank you so much for this video, Matt. It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time for me. I’ve been experiencing the loneliness of not having someone to be in love with and it just feels so soul-crushing at times. Sometimes it can come on so sudden like someone threw a blanket over me and my usual optimism just plummets and I feel so low. Tears are coming to my eyes as I type. I’m at the tail end of a divorce, have a three year old son, work full time and doing my Bachelors. I have a very close-knit family and friends I can count on, but that doesn’t stop the hurt sometimes of not having something specific for me to pour my love into and for that to be reciprocated. I embrace solitude (thanks to my introverted nature) and I live in my head a lot (thanks to my love of writing), but I long for someone to complement me.
Thanks again for the rawness of this video. Always comforting to know there are other people experiencing the same thing as me.
This blog reminded me of one of my favorite quotes about kindness and relating to others. “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~ Leo Buscaglia
There is no greater glue than the realization that we all experience the human condition. That underneath it all, regardless of our presentation, we experience similar thing in life.
Thank you Matt. You are so articulate… even when unplanned/unscripted. :)
Warmly,
Arianna