Comments on: Before You Open a Dating App, WATCH THIS

By: Barbara

Barbara — Sun, 15 May 2022 04:15:17 +0000

In reply to Barbara. More* books not my* books

By: Barbara

Barbara — Sun, 15 May 2022 04:14:01 +0000

To Steve: ultimately the book reading will be less important than respect for you reading and having a lot of books. But i get you! I love to read and even when i'm not reading i have to have a book around (i've got my books than the school library ). Matt: weren't you the guy who said "if you go to a man's house and there are no books, don't f*** him"? Quit bagging on your brother lol

By: Candice Russell

Candice Russell — Sun, 13 Feb 2022 13:21:28 +0000

Matthew – when will you do ‘the single wives’ in South Africa?

By: R

Tue, 01 Feb 2022 13:17:55 +0000

I get it, though – I’ve met with three guys in the last few months, none of whom read. And since I’m an editor and aspiring writer, that did put me off. When I get hit with the ‘don’t read’ I’m not really sure what they *actually* do with their spare time, (generally ends up being playing video games or watching lots of TV) and none of those activities appeal to me whatsoever. I don’t even have a telly.
I equally have a tendency to put them off by being ‘too’ excited about whatever topic I think is of general interest when it’s actually a niche thing that only I’m interested in. :P

I like the beard, though, Stephen, so call me! ;) I’ve read Moby Dick.

Kidding, I do have strong religious convictions in addition to loving books.

By: Guro

Guro — Tue, 01 Feb 2022 08:16:30 +0000

Thank you for the conversation. I understand that Stephen wants someone who meets him where he’s at. He’s allready got his phd and wants someone who can keep his intellectual competance growing. I’ve got friends with phd’s and I’ve even fallen in love with one of them. (He showed some interest in return.) But I don’t think I would be enough for him in the long run. Because my background as an artist is more non verbal. I tend to listen more than I speak. But if a young girl falls in love with you Stephen, please give her a chance. Who knows maybe you will grow to love her or learn something about yourself. Don’t hold the people who loves you on arms length… When you grow old you might regret it…

By the way. The men I know who loves cats are both intelligent and sexy but I wouldn’t immediately associate pictures of men with cats as attractive. So save the picture for date number two or three…

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Mon, 31 Jan 2022 02:58:21 +0000

One more thing about reading—If someone says “I hate math” or doesn’t go home an do math problems for fun, it’s viewed as acceptable and people love to jump in and bash math too. Yet if someone says “I hate reading” we treat them like a cretin. It’s the same thing. A lot of readers/writers say they hate math and that is just as “unintellectual” as a reader finds a person who isn’t into books. People enjoy different pleasures and one should not be raised above the other but you appreciate and support your partners interests even if you don’t share them.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Mon, 31 Jan 2022 02:50:49 +0000

Stephen, you are actually my favorite and far more my style of guy but I have to go with Matt on this one. Not everyone is a reader–I say this as someone with dyslexia who has read more literature than most English majors. (Yes, I have read Moby Dick and Ulysses–Moby Dick is great and is referred to everywhere in pop culture–even Star Trek Wrath of Kahn quotes from it. James Joyce is just a dick–Ulysses is a skilled flex from a gifted writer with each chapter being in a different style of writing and filled with lots of literary and cultural references so “smart” people can feel smarter than the average person, but Joyce was real asshole of a person and his condescension shows in his writing. Liking his book is not a test of a person’s intelligence.) Intelligence is about a learning mindset not about what medium is used. It also depends on what you read and how deeply you read. People who brag about how many books they read a year skim the work and often do not even consider deeper ideas or challenge themselves beyond the latest summer must read. I find that people that obsess about books do look down on those who don’t. For centuries books were the effective way to get information–many times the only way. Within the last few decades, a myriad of ways to learn have become available. I don’t think of myself as a reader as I read for information not for pleasure. However to keep informed I probably read at least 3 hours a day although it’s mostly articles and information reading. I’ve had years of focusing on books where I read many foundational books, but this year is my year of film so I am watching at least 4 films a week–but specific groups like all from a certain director or of a specific theme–and then of course, I have to look up more information on the films and cultural influences of the film, societal changes from the influences of these films–such a thing as the counter-culture midnight movies of the 70s that gave us Rocky Horror is what introduced reggae music to the world via Jimmy Cliff in “The Harder They Come” (Bob Marley would not have had an audience outside of Jamaica were it not for this midnight movie laying the groundwork for that sound and creating an interest in that style). I am deepening my understanding of the world, myself, and society by watching movies more than most people who read all year. Stephen, you read for pleasure—that’s wonderful, but not everyone has the same pleasure from a physical book or has the luxury of solitude needed for such a pastime. Matt is correct, you need someone who lets you enjoy your pleasures, appreciates your books, and going to book stores, etc. but not necessarily another reader. (By the way, I am too old for you so this is just a comment because Matt asked people to comment.) What if while you were reading, she was the type that liked cooking or knitting? Making you something nice while you had your reading time. I think you could be very happy with that. (PS. my email is the title of a short story by Hans Christian Anderson–he’s considered the Shakespeare of Denmark–he’s far more profound than just a “children’s author”–My recommendation to you is his short story “The Shadow” but you have to know some cultural/folklore history such as someone who doesn’t have a shadow has no soul and in English we only have one form of “you” not a polite and informal one–Okay we do–it’s thee and thou–informal–but it’s archaic at this point. Most other European languages kept both forms.) You and Matt are great–I listen when I can because again–it’s learning.

By: fina

fina — Sun, 30 Jan 2022 22:14:23 +0000

Hmm…. I <3 cats and have my own. They are my children and as such, we are a packaged deal. If a man doesn't love cats, or at the very least like them, this is not gonna work. That's a deal breaker for me and non-negotiable. This app might be a good idea.

By: Tammy

Tammy — Sun, 30 Jan 2022 18:28:18 +0000

Here is my 2 cents on the cat subject. I will preface by saying I am a huge cat lover, as a matter of fact, I bred purebred show cats for many years. However, when I am on a dating app and I see a pic of a guy with his cat(s), while heartwarming, I also immediately think of that man as quiet, introverted and aloof.

As for the discussion on criteria and the need to find someone who must love books, some criteria are important and non-negotiable such as whether they smoke, like to go out drinking and partying several days a week, if you love to travel often and they have no desire to ever leave the city, etc.
I agree with Matthew in that, I feel that if we pigeon hole ourselves into such specific criteria, we will loose out on so many potential possibilities. You could weed out all the perceived people who do not meet your specific criteria and meet that one girl who loves to read just as much as you and she has the personality of a book-end; nothing else matches except she loves to read.
Or, maybe lighten up the expectations and find the happy medium. I used to be a voracious reader not so long ago but, when things get busy, I just do not have the time to settle into 30 books a year anymore. It does not mean there is no longer a deep appreciation for books, or the interest and hunger to learn, it just means I have to satiate that hunger for knowledge by another means. I believe as long as you find someone who has the same deep appreciation, interest and enjoyment in sharing common things that are mutually important, that is the perfect recipe for true happiness!

Like I said, just my 2 cents :)

By: Heather

Heather — Sun, 30 Jan 2022 18:23:06 +0000

I loved the whole discussion; how real you are about your lives and your differences of opinion.