Comments on: Can You Truly ‘Grow Up’ Without Having Kids?

By: Gina

Gina — Fri, 16 Sep 2022 15:49:32 +0000

Fantastic response to the issues raising and very validating for those of us who chose differently (or didn’t have the option to choose, in many cases). I agree with that many times, people make the choices of marriage and/or kids for reasons other than truly wanting either at the time, especially when one has unfinished business and things unexplored. Not that we don’t still have challenges or wounds come out in intimate relationships, because it’s never going to be perfect, but I’m a proponent of doing a lot of introspection and work on oneself to give any relationships in our lives a better chance. I really think the avoidance of doing so is one of the biggest factors of personal and familial breakdown that has a ripple effect out in the larger world. It’s why people need to take care of their own “stuff” BEFORE getting into either the commitment of marriage or of parenting and also being prepared to do the work involved once in those commitments. Thank you!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 00:27:06 +0000

Matthew, I understand your concern for single people that feel picked on by people in relationships. Honestly, what you must understand, is that most people only view the world according to the exposure they have. So, if you are married with kids, that is the only view point you have. If you are an endless bachelor, that is the only view spectrum you have. Being single or married is a personal choice. Eternal bachelors think that they will always be bachelor’s because of the human need to have novelty. They get their novelty from different relationships. It takes a really mature person to realize that human being change throughout life . Who you are now is not the same as who you will be tomorrow. Successfully married people know that novelty is something that can be acquired through the choices one makes in life. You can get novelty through hobbies. What you really need is a person who is really open to new ideas and does not want to make you wrong when something does not go their way. You want a person who admires you, but at the same time has views of her own. A woman who knows her worth and will stand up for her own beliefs, in a nice way. What Jordan means that you can never really know until you truly have kids. That means that when you do actually have kids. Your life stops being about the me, me, me. Your life starts being about the he/she. It forces you to step outside of your own needs and focus on the needs of another human being. You can only experience that through becoming a parent. There is no other way for that experience. Life is about choices. What you choose for yourself is what determines the experiences you expose yourself to.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 31 Oct 2021 21:56:37 +0000

Matthew, I see your point on the cultural view where people who are in relationships pressure single people into believing being single is wrong. Being married or single is a choice. Both can be great. You can grow as a person alone, or you can grow with a partner. It is more fun with a team mate who wants to engage in this life of growth. What Jordan means with children is that when you have a kid, you stop thinking of yourself and you are basically placed in a position where you must think of someone else. For example, babies are clueless. They will literally fall down the stairs without a second thought. They lack awareness. You automatically become responsible for their well being, that is a big responsibility. When you become a parent, it is as if the whole world stops being about just you. It starts to be about another person. It truly is a wonderful experience to live through. Everything in life is about choices. If you are an eternal bachelor, that is great because that is a personal choice. You will obviously be missing out on what I just explained above. That does not mean you will live a less fulfilled life. Just a different one where the main and only focus will be primarily on yourself and your relational experience to others. Matthew, I love the way you reason and show curiosity about the world. That is the main reason why I listen to your YouTube videos. You have a special energy about you that I can relate to. It makes me feel like I am not so alone in the world. Saludos,

By: Bridgette Nielson

Bridgette Nielson — Sun, 10 Oct 2021 17:34:42 +0000

YES! YES! YES! I totally agree with you two! Especially for women, I do fret about them because a lot of them are going to suicide or wreck their dreams what they haven’t or get in a wrong relationship, stuck in an abusive relationship also they could have kids because they lack capacity but they lose their life so much. I would share this with them or going to write a book about something I learned so much from you.

By: Oksana

Oksana — Tue, 28 Sep 2021 11:44:44 +0000

Matthew took that statement very personally. Even though I agree to the points made in the discussion, it is also true, that maturity for most of people comes with experiences and birth, death, heartbreak, love are the most intense experiences one can have. Of course, noone ever should be pushed into relationship or starting a family, but certain things one can truly understand by experiencing them or at least being as close as possible to someone else experiencing them.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Mon, 27 Sep 2021 09:40:21 +0000

I’ve always wondered how I’d explain to people how life was more than what each person perceived it to be and that just because one finds purpose in something,it doesn’t mean another will find purpose in the same thing.This has been much of the fuss especially on topics such as marriage and having children. I’ve never really perhaps understood it myself except I knew consciously that one didn’t have to have children to be living their best possible life especially when it isn’t what they want. Today, however, after watching this video, it has put so much perspective in what I’ve only understood mentally without perfectly putting it into words. So thank you, Mat and Steve. Thank you for assuring young people like me who are contemplating the idea of not having children and getting married to do just that and still know that we can still be matured and selfless without having children to say the very least.

By: Kristina Singh

Kristina Singh — Mon, 27 Sep 2021 05:59:51 +0000

I know I personally didn’t really feel like a grown up until I had kids. I love being a mother. I also ran into my marriage really fast, and had a lot of that societal pressure in my own head to get married. My mom always joking about wanting to be a grandmother. Seeing all my friends get married. Feeling left behind. I lowered my standards a lot and am currently in the middle of a divorce. I will say dating is a lot more fun now without all the pressure about a biological clock, wanting to get married, etc.

By: Nayomie

Nayomie — Sun, 26 Sep 2021 09:13:24 +0000

I know a lot of people who are parents and grandparents even who are extremely immature. Sure kids to offer individuals who’ve had them the opportunity to be less selfish and therefore surrender a bit of their ego and hence appear relatively mature. However, the same can be achieved if one is self aware and bent towards being less self-centred and overly emotional.

By: Heidi Ritz

Heidi Ritz — Sun, 26 Sep 2021 02:52:40 +0000

To deny that a person can’t mature or grow up without children seems reckless, especially by a well known pod caster. As a nurse, I have been with many people as they have suffered and died. I have watched life slip away from someones eyes. And if that doesn’t mature you very quickly, I’m not sure bringing life into the world would. There are lessons and experiences that one will have being a parent that childless people never will, but that is the same for all of us. Like Stephen said, we all have different experiences. Just hearing that she said this comment makes me not want to listen to her podcasts. That just seems like a selfish view. I haven’t died, but I can certainly comfort my patient and empathize with their acceptance or fear.

By: Monica Geary

Monica Geary — Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:07:56 +0000

Sooo, being a mother, I can completely understand what he is saying. Honestly, there is no judgement in that statement. There IS choice, however. By that I mean that a guardian (bio or otherwise) can choose to parent or they can choose not to. There are plenty of examples (often times bad) of that. But, in order to actually parent, we HAVE to set aside putting ourselves and our wants before the needs and sometimes wants of our children. That includes things far beyond the material. Ques: Who yells first or the loudest in a parent/child argument? Answer: Not the parent. That is as long as the parent remembers that it is not a battle of egos or wills but an opportunity for the child to learn that life isn’t always how they want it. Also, the parent learns how far THEIR limits can be pushed for self control in such situations. There are several instances like this that cause wonderful, mature, competent, capable adults to have to grow in ways they never dreamed or never even imagined once they become parents. What do you do when your child speaks of suicide? How about when they would rather fight than use their words? When all they want to do is dance or read or play video games? How good are you at admitting you were wrong or not taking the “I told you so” moment? Just being a mediator or the adult isn’t enough. Emotion is deeply involved. It’s often not something you can leave until tomorrow. You, as the parent, have to find out where you can best address the situation while also figuring out how to manage yourself in a way that doesn’t adversely affect the desired results. Listening to you, Matthew and Steven, there were the logical ego-driven statements about the ability to manage the process of growing-up without having children. This is not saying that anything stated was wrong but we always want to believe that we can find a way to manage something we have yet to experience. When YOU are that child’s everything and they are completely YOUR responsibility, the weight is graver than you can fathom. Your reasons for doing or not doing don’t always come from places of objective logic or reason. Your bigger picture takes on completely different shapes and hues. True parenting is never easy because you have to nurture both yourself as well as the child through the REST OF THEIR LIVES. I thought I understood, and I did. . . until I had my own.