Comments on: What ‘Micro-Cheating’ Does to Committed Relationships

By: exness

exness — Sat, 22 Jun 2024 22:48:50 +0000

A fascinating discussion is worth comment. I think that you should write
more on this topic, it may not be a taboo matter but generally people do not talk about such
issues. To the next! Many thanks!!

By: k

Mon, 18 Dec 2023 11:34:01 +0000

my partner for 5 years screenshotted pictures of an earlier sex partner/ex, several times. He kept and watched videos of several exes while they had sex, and he’s addicted to sex and blowjobs so I found videos of his exes blowing him so many times on his phone and mac. He always got defensive, angry, gaslighting me and always said the material came up when he was going through old files looking for something else, and that he deleted it, but he kept on having something to watch that was not me. We also made videos togheter, but obviously I feel like that was never enough for him. He screenshotted pictures of his ex’s from facebook and edited it with pictures of her blowing him. I was pregnant the first time i dicovered this, and i’ve been so in love with him and commited to stay with him for the rest of my life. but i’ve been extemely depressed and insecure about this, and he just doesnt seem to care enough about my feelings and keep on. I consider his behavour cheating and cheating again and again and again. We have a child together and he’s been gaslighting me a lot, also blamed me for my range and depression because of his infidelity.. i never managed to leave because our child and that i really wanted a family. I also have another child that lives with us and hes been a dad to. I feel like there’s no chance i would ever want to meet someone else and start over, i do not want that, and i have tho baby daddies, and i just dont want another man in my life ever again.. I really thought i had found my person, it have taken a long time for me to both understand and accept that he never felt enough for me to stop his hurting behaviour, and i thought i had found some one that wouldnt ever keep doing this, because that is something i can never be cool with what so ever. I feel like i’ve lived a lie/fantasy and wasted my love and time and will be forever alone, im so hurt and insecure. and i never feel like he will understand. I’ve given up.

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By: David Fønsbo

David Fønsbo — Tue, 26 Oct 2021 16:02:22 +0000

I thought you sain back boner. Took me a little while to figure out what you meant :-)

By: Natasha

Natasha — Thu, 21 Oct 2021 18:47:13 +0000

Hi Matt and Stephen, thank your for this video.

I have a follow-up question for you: what should you do if you are the “back-burner” woman? Listening to your talk made me realise that I am in that situation, and I would like to be the front burner, so to speak. Do I call him out on this?

By: janine

janine — Wed, 20 Oct 2021 20:59:55 +0000

Problem is you don’t know if you are or not. Are you the back up or is it the other person?
They really font say, because they equally give the same investment in relationships
Guys that do this a butt heads and creeps.

By: Maria Helena Serra Soares

Maria Helena Serra Soares — Thu, 14 Oct 2021 12:40:19 +0000

In reply to Amanda Yorke. I think people should assume the relationship they're in. They should dive all the way in. Stop being afraid of giving it all or suffering. The more you give the more you get. That's the only way things will work long term. If you are only half way in, it will show and the relationship will always be soft and mean less... Never gets to the big deeper level of real soul mates

By: Monita

Monita — Wed, 13 Oct 2021 17:22:58 +0000

In reply to Rachael. My bf of one year kept “like” and “love” other women’s profile on fb and having banter with them instead of me. Chatting to different women all over the world on messenger till after midnight, then invited them as “friend”. He added about 200 women after I found out what he was up to since February this year. I raised my concern twice in 6 months, he said I shouldn’t need to worry because he didn’t intend to date them. But he wouldn’t stop chatting to his “friend” he said. When the discussion went pear shape, he blocked me. He made me feel so insecure. He had so many back burner women, he was just waiting for one to move forward with him. This micro cheating had ruined my relationship.

By: Paula

Paula — Mon, 11 Oct 2021 15:47:33 +0000

Oh WOW! Sigh…a little about me. I’m a woman in my late 50’s who has been single most of my adult life; not because I want to be but it is what it is. I have MANY friends who are couples and that can be very delicate at times. The only real way that can be done in my personal situation is having good strong boundaries. If a couple thinks I’m trying to break up a good partnership it sure makes sense that I wouldn’t get invited to anything and would lose all my friendships. I’ve often felt that a committed man is trying to “back burner” me and I politely and firmly put a stop to it. Yes I’d like a committed relationship but no…never at the expense of someone else. And who needs all that drama? This conversation makes me sad.

By: Annette Burke

Annette Burke — Mon, 11 Oct 2021 11:40:11 +0000

Dear Matthew,
sometimes you know the relationship has reached a point, where you have invested and turned everything upside down. Yet, it is stuck in a place, so you wait. I’ve been in this situation and was patient to overcome the low point. My feeling of loyalty said stay, my heart wanted out. Then I met a man. We were on such a good level together. We worked together for a year. Our ways parted, we stayed in contact and he knew I was in a committed relationship. I also told my partner, there was someone I cared for. After four years I got seperated. My ex had held on to me but didn’t fulfill any needs, such as having conversations, sharing his dreams and wishes, no communication there. He just felt comfortable. That great man, I had met four years ago, never left my mind. We never met in all the time, yet we texted and phoned. Never in a romantic way, just as good friends. We have been seeing each other for half a year now, things are developing slowly on a very deep level. There is trust and understanding. I need time to find myself again but he really sees me, listens and we share the same values. We couldn’t forget each other. I believe it would have been a mistake to go against my heart. The timing wasn’t quite right, but somehow we knew, there was someone special and we both are happy, we have a chance now. My ex partner wasn’t ready to let go. I could have been more firm. It didn’t feel right back then to end things. Now I can say, we probably wasted time. We spent 15 years together and the past five weren’t necessary. However, I trust my intuition and maybe there is a higher force, that lets us do so. I still learned a lot in those years. Now I’m free to move on and am more aware of boundaries, my own needs and how to love myself. Things take time :-)
Best wishes,
Annette