Comments on: 6 Relationship RED FLAGS That Are Surprisingly Toxic

By: Vaishali Bhardwaj

Vaishali Bhardwaj — Fri, 24 Nov 2023 04:44:22 +0000

In reply to Barbara Ray. This is true. For me, this level of secrecy make me feel unwelcome and unloved.

By: Aimee W.

Aimee W. — Mon, 20 Dec 2021 18:25:19 +0000

My ex fiancee could never apologise, or if he did, he said it in anger and you could just tell it was not a genuine apology. He was incapable of change. He actually said to me in an argument “this is who I am. Deal with it.”
He completely baffled me! We bought a house together and he asked me to marry him, yet he never made the effort to make quality time with me. I communicated with him and he would make me feel like I was asking the world of him or make out I was being unreasonable. We both worked full time jobs, had friends and hobbies on the side, yet I was willing and wanting to have time with him and would do my best to make it, but he would say he was busy or he wanted time for himself. This was always fine with me, but when it had been months since we had spent any quality time together I started to feel “why am I even here?” Every couple of months I communicated how I was feeling and he just kept being angry with me for bringing up “past problems” but they were problems that weren’t being fixed or even attempted to be fixed. After a while he would then see how closed off I was and would tell me I “needed to talk / communicate with him.” When I would say I have been but it doesn’t heard, the anger and guilt tripping started all over again.
I always challenged myself, giving my partner the opportunity to tell me if I was doing something that made him upset but he would always tell me no.
4 months before ending the relationship I told him he was going to lose me if things didnt change. We were together 4 years. The day I broke up with him he cried and said “so you aren’t even going to give us a second chance?” Which blew my mind. I couldn’t understand how after 2 years of telling him I was unhappy and 4 month prior telling him he was going to lose me, in his head, I was ‘throwing our relationship away’. I’ll never understand.

By: Shaleen

Shaleen — Mon, 08 Nov 2021 03:19:59 +0000

Yup, I had a boyfriend for 4 years who could never apologise. And then would insist he did. So glad to be rid of him.

By: Dana

Dana — Wed, 03 Nov 2021 22:17:13 +0000

I was in a relationship with a great guy (to whom I later god engaged for a few months), we were really getting along well. Honestly, I made him (unintentionally) feel a bit insecure, due to my own old insecurities i guess, but i always used to tell him that I need some time & he showed/told me that that’s PERFECTLY fine. However, after few months, my dad kept on putting too much pressure and treated him really rude…and eventually, my fiance took that step and broke up with me (over the phone – though it was quarantine- but I found it odd). I tried to stop that, and I tried contacting him to ask that we meet in person and talk about it. He kept delaying that meeting, providing different reasons; he needed time/ he hadn’t got the guts… and the last time we agreed on meeting 2 weeks later, but he never contacted me and we never met.
I guess the red flag is “not being responsible enough”. But what disappointed me the most, was that he didn’t fight for me, and decided to walk away from problems with my dad and getting humiliated by him, rather than putting more effort trying to be the good son in law, or at least fight for our relationship (just the 2 of us) facing all the odds.

By: Jennifer March

Jennifer March — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 18:46:46 +0000

Red flag: he won’t include you on family events/holidays after 3 1/2 years together. I just set a boundary with mine after repeatedly being hurt. Said that today was the last time this happens. I can’t survive feeling that way and “we” won’t survive that either. He apologized. Let’s see if his actions back up his words. Thank you for helping me get to this point.

By: Jackie Barcenas

Jackie Barcenas — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 18:22:52 +0000

I think resistant to change is HUGE! Because this will highlight their reactions to unexpected situations and can also indicate that there is not much room for growth in their personal development and in other aspects of their lives including relationships.

Learning to accept we don’t have control of everything was very hard for me because of my anxiety but as I got older I learned to accept that. I learned to trust myself and learned I can control how I react to any situation. Change is the only thing constant in this universe <3

By: Lydia

Lydia — Sat, 30 Oct 2021 20:59:31 +0000

My red flag is when the relationship is heading for marriage but they don’t disclose their financial situation, like it won’t affect you so it’s non of your business. Ummmmmmm yes it does and will directly affect me!!!!!!

By: Silvia

Silvia — Sat, 30 Oct 2021 20:36:58 +0000

100% spot on. I would call the last flag “invalidation of your feelings”. And what about when you are being vulnerable when you show your feelings with a situation and in response to that someone claims that you’re just trying to make them feel guilty? That is so off-setting.

By: R

Sat, 30 Oct 2021 19:27:28 +0000

I dated this guy. I trusted this guy. I invested in this guy- it’s called narcissistic personality disorder. I invested before I saw the reality of the person. All of what was said in this podcast resonated with me. Run from the person who says you can’t change them- they will judge and shame you over time. Making excuses for these people and being vulnerable is not ok- empaths do that. Find someone who lifts you up, who believes in you and wants to build with you!

By: Barbara Ray

Barbara Ray — Sat, 30 Oct 2021 19:02:18 +0000

I married my high school sweetheart 40 years after reconnecting. It was like a fairytale! Unfortunately, it ended after 9 months when I could no longer ignore the blaring red flags screaming at me. Yes, he never could apologize. He never fulfilled one promise he made, even simply calling or texting when he said he would. But the one that struck me hardest was his secrecy. He didn’t want to talk about anything other than surface topics. Almost every topic became taboo. He refused to engage in any conversation where he would be at rush to divulge anything about himself. And then the secret conversations with other women came to light and, even then, when questioned, he dismissed me as being silly. He said it was my fault for reading them. After all, if I hadn’t read them I wouldn’t have known about them and therefore wouldn’t be hurt. So I did it to myself. End of story, the past is the past…get over it was his motto. So secrecy for me is a huge red flag. If a person is not willing to be open and honest you have no solid foundation to build on.