My initial thought after hearing the dialogue regarding feelings and naturally responding, or what is referred to also as fight or flight and is a subconscious response to a present situation that has presented a more than normal level or triggers, or sensory inputs that, have in past experiences, resulted in negative outcomes . The fight or flight response is the process of brain automatically enters after undergoing specific flags that you’re automatic survival analytics of the subconscious mind, designed as a survival technique. It is impossible to override this. This is the contributing factor to why PTSD is significantly difficult to recognize and even treat, and rarely will ever recover. It is important to understand a feeling is the result of our emotions that have experiences and create memories, both good and bad, that drives a feeling. Feelings are a THOUGHT, which are only resonate from a conscious process. Feelings are changeable, moldable, and able to actively be altered. It is our check and balance response to the initial inquiry of the EMOTION of our subconscious mind. Emotions are the subconscious way of communicating what it has already calculated thru the millions of numerological inputs from our senses that is responsible for increasing every little factor in our world around us in order to determine if any threat or danger is apparent. It is impossible to enter any state to control the input of the EMOTION. We only can Respond to the FEELING that is the result of the EMOTION based off the experiences in the passed that have triggered the EMOTION in the first place. Feelings are physical responses… You FEEL it. Pit of the stomach, nausea, dizzy, racing heart. Those are all the physical response your feeling to the EMOTION your brain is bringing to light based off the trillions is synopsis it has catalogued over time and indicated those of which have before been dangerous. There is a sudden instant in the middle of this process between EMOTION triggering the feeling, that the subconscious checks the database of rational thinking to determine if indeed a threat is present. That is because it is unable to differentiate reality from non reality– the instinctual sudden spark that occurs in that split fraction of a second before we are actually aware of it is the “stem cell” version of Neurological function, it literally shuts down the non critical portion of our brains, which coincidentally includes the parts responsible for rational thinking, reasoning, and risk taking. By the time you have a feeling, in conclusion, you’re brain had already assessed, assembled, and addressed the level of danger, and has determined it threatening enough to require a physical response, whether it’s a feeling or in a more primitive situation, the action to fight or flee. The ability to respond to a feeling means you’re checking and balancing the legitimacy of the EMOTION triggered. In cases of those who are”dumping” sometimes unknowingly, the factor of wether it’s rational or irrational in nature i don’t think should determine how it’s handled or whether or not it’s important. It’s the underlying reason for the subject in general. Whether it makes sense isn’t on the other dm party to ligititize, it’s on the other party to determine whether or not the cause of the subject is present or real. Usually past experiences of that individual would indicate whether it’s a pity party scenario or an actual hidden cry for healing that isn’t being attended to and is furthermore creating the need to be brought out over and over. This ultimately is easily determined by the maturity of the dumping ordinator, personality speaking.

With that said, and with that understanding, it would be nearly impossible for a person to bed told “try” because they are trying. The ability to bring the subject to light is trying. If it is a topic that is obviously significant enough to require the consistent demand to address, then it most likely is the same in nature to be the reason one who refrain or be afraid to talk about it in the first place . In other words, the hardest part and sheer indication of trying is being brave enough to bringing it up, no matter how many times, on the first place. That is, if the bearer is of mature character and morality. One should know their partner well enough to clearly have knowledge of such mature and moral levels in that person, well before having the need to ask the question in the first place.

Furthermore, The understanding that these type of negative impacts to a relationship are not those that are just created out of thin air. It is important to realize that the examples of focused behaviors are the natural RESPONSE to a comparitive set of factors that in the past, proved to ultimately lead to an unwanted or life threatening outcome. This is in comparison to the alternative options not presented that would have increased leverage or contributed to the greater chance of beneficial nature.

In lament terms, we don’t man it fest these negative feelings because we want to or because we think to. We are responding to an emotional trigger that is being flagged and demanding attention due to the negative history that is being rendered as the fight or flights automatic “most likely” scenario to occur, that as you may recall, is the base of functionality and purpose in itself.

Continued in next comment box…

In my small company I work predominately with men . I’ve been sharing your wisdom with my team . I find if I can explain it to someone else I learn what parts I am unclear on.

Vulnerability I thought was in allowing people to see the real you, the imperfect you . This allows others permission to be imperfect.

Listening to you and Stephen I realize that you can’t be authentic without being vulnerable .

What you said takes away the guilt of receiving the punch.

In boxing
Every time you throw a punch you open yourself up to a punch …

When you throw a standard or boundary your being vulnerable in putting who you want to be out there. In unhealthy relationship this results in retaliation.

Instead a healthy relationship when your throw a punch you get genuine listening and movement

I want to allow more love for the people around me and find an emotional button for remembering that it’s possible to bring light into the darkest rooms. My emotional button will be new leaves on a tree. And the old leaves will remind me of what I have to let go. I also want to keep the car crash as a reminder of a difficult experience… I hope these symbols will help me remember my previous strenght and how to overcome fear in the future.

Like, the “I feel bad and it’s the other person’s fault”attitude is often nothing but the attempt to manipulate people emotionally.

But if it is a prompt reaction to something real it is very charming and endearing. Like, when we were speaking in a group about bad past experiences with a certain type of difficult exam during university time, a friends fiancé – a huge “manly” guy, volunteer firefighter, hobby boxer, pretty tough and all, joined in the conversation and was like “oh, I remember my exam, they made me feel bad about myself by saying this and that and I felt so hurt..” and he told us the whole story and his feelings, and that was such honest moment. (And made me immediately raise my standards concerning emotional maturity in men :D)