Today’s new video is the most important conversation I’ve ever been a part of on this topic. I’m joined by Dr. Serena H. Chen, a fertility doctor, and Dr. Ioana Baiu, a surgeon who’s gone through the egg-freezing process, as we dive deep into the benefits and challenges of family planning. 

Whether or not you’re in a relationship, already know you want kids, or feel like you’re running out of time, you can’t miss this week’s video (and be sure to share it with others who might be curious about this massively important topic).

Unlock My Best Love Life Solution for Your
Current Dating Situation . . .
TAP HERE

The post If You’re Dating & Want a Family, You Must WATCH THIS… appeared first on Matthew Hussey.

But what if you feel like your best isn’t good enough? Or you’re afraid your worst will be “too much” for someone?

In this week’s new video, I’ll teach you how to shift from looking at yourself through a lens of self-judgment, self-loathing, and self-hatred, and instead view yourself from a place of self-compassion, self-love, and self-empowerment . . .

So last week, we did a video on how to tell if we are ready for a relationship.

Being ready to not be lonely anymore is not the same thing as being ready for a relationship.

And one of the things that you highlighted in the comments from that video that you really loved was that line that the right person will elevate our best and soothe our worst.

I sometimes think the right person is the person who elevates our best and soothes our worst. They’re not going to eradicate our worst and it’s not their job to take it away, but they don’t agitate our worst.

Of course, we, in turn, when we become the right person, the person who’s ready for a real relationship, will elevate somebody else’s best and soothe their worst.

But what about when we feel like our best won’t be good enough for somebody else and our worst will be too much for somebody else? This is that particular feeling of being unlovable that often prevents us from finding a relationship, really revealing ourselves and connecting.

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Guys before you carry on with this video, I just wanted to say to you, if you haven’t booked a spot for my Virtual Retreat yet in September, please take the time to at least go and see if it could be right for you. I have Specialists who are waiting to talk to you on the phone and they can answer any questions you have about it. But if you want to graduate from just watching me on YouTube to being part of an immersive coaching program with me, for your confidence and your wellbeing over three days in September, go check it out. It’s at MHVirtualRetreat.com. All right, back to the video.

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Because we’re so deathly afraid that what we really are when somebody gets to know us—our bad habits, our worst tendencies, our worst anxieties, insecurities, neurosis—that that will all be too much. It will scare someone away.

Do you ever feel like that about yourself? I know that in my life I’ve had those moments where I have felt like, “Well, what people see up front might be impressive, but when they really get to know me, they might find that I’m too much or that the things I struggle with, they don’t want to have to deal with.”

When we feel like that, what happens is instead of showing our vulnerability and using it as a way of connecting, we put up a barrier so that people can’t see those things. We try to be impressive, as we think people want us to be, for as long as possible without showing any of that.

Let’s say you’re a jealous person and you don’t want to show that jealousy to somebody else because you’re worried. You’re worried that it will make you look weak or insecure or you’re worried that it will be perceived as too difficult or you’re worried that in some way it will give up your power. Then you just don’t show it. You just bottle it up and hide it.

But of course, when we bottle things up, when we bottle our . . . what we perceive to be our negative traits . . . up, they start to come out in other ways. Our wounds start mutating into weapons. They mutate into us lashing out at somebody and not really explaining why, being passive aggressive, giving someone the silent treatment, going on the attack, judging them. And now what we do is we start to pick away at the relationship and erode the relationship and someone doesn’t even really get to know the real us.

I have come to believe that vulnerability within a relationship can be the ultimate source of connection when it’s exhibited in the right way. And not everyone—and this is something that I think not enough people talk about—not everyone is ready for your vulnerability and some people will even punish you for it. Some people will hurt you when you reveal things about yourself. They’ll judge you. They’ll leave. I would argue (as you know I would) that anyone who can’t hold space for your vulnerability isn’t the right person for you. That’s not a teammate that you need to go forward with. So that’s a good thing to learn about somebody. But there will be people in life who can hold space for your vulnerability and they will be the right people, the people that you could actually build with.

But how we exhibit that vulnerability is very important. When we are worried that, “God, when they see me at my worst . . .”, we have to be able to reveal parts of our worst. We have to be able to reveal those things about us that we’re scared someone won’t accept and risk not being accepted. We have to risk that someone won’t want us when we reveal that thing in order to build the connection that’s really going to sustain a lifelong relationship.

When you think of your jealousy, for example, you could say to someone, “I get jealous sometimes. It’s not something I always like about myself, but it’s something that I am working on or something I would like to work on.” If you take just that recipe, that kind of practical recipe for how to show vulnerability, how to show the things you struggle with, it’s quite powerful because the first part of the sentence, where you say, “I sometimes struggle with,” or even, “I often struggle with jealousy, anxiety, depressive thoughts, feeling like I’m not good enough,” if you are open about those things in that way, if you can express it in that way, then you’re almost expressing it with a lack of baggage and judgment around it.

The second part of that sentence is empowered. And it’s actually quite attractive. To hear someone . . . especially because people are not used to being honest about their own vulnerabilities, when they hear someone who is honest about their vulnerabilities and then in the second part of the sentence can say, “And it’s something that I’m working on. It’s something that I’m looking to improve,” that’s a very active, empowered statement that when someone hears that they go, “Oh, wow, they’re brave enough to say this, to admit this about themselves and they’re taking ownership in working on it in doing better in whatever way they define it.” That’s powerful.

That then becomes a very attractive thing. And it also becomes a point of connection in the relationship. Here’s what’s interesting to me. When someone sees our worst, if they see it on day three, they’re more likely to abandon ship than if they see it on day 300 of the relationship. Why is that? Because on day 300, this person has context. They have context for who we are, why we are the way we are, how we are the rest of the time. And they’re able to wrap that, even if it wasn’t a good communication of a vulnerability on day 300, even if our weapons came out and we did some damage, people are more easily able to contextualize things about us when they know us. They’re more easily able to give us the benefit of the doubt, to give us empathy, to give us compassion than they are on day three.

Of course, that makes it important that as we go along in a relationship, we do reveal these things about ourselves and we do start to let someone in in a productive way because that starts to give someone context. It illuminates all of the parts of ourselves that give us beauty and make up the complete picture. But what’s interesting to me about it is that that context that someone has on day 300 holds the clue, holds a master key in how to give ourselves a different level of acceptance and compassion.

Which, by the way, is the basis for growing in life, is the basis for improving, is the basis for being happy today, even while we’re improving. Mister Rogers would say, “No child can ever feel truly loved until he or she is accepted for exactly who they are,” which I suppose some people look at as a mandate for entitlement or for a kind of apathy about ourselves that says, “I don’t have to do anything in order to be worthy of love or I don’t have to . . . I don’t have to fix any of my problems or any of the negative aspects of myself.”I actually don’t see it that way. What I see it as is a foundation for improvement. If we can accept ourselves for who we are today—mistakes, all the things we’ve been shaming ourselves for, all of the things that we don’t do as well as other people, all of it—if we can accept ourselves for who we are today, then we can also build on that because we’re not coming from a place of hating ourselves.

We’re coming from a place of love. When someone has context on day 300 of a relationship with us or year 30, they’ve seen more of the picture. Well, no one has seen more of the picture of us than us. No one has more context for you and why you are the way you are than you do. You have the ultimate context on you, your life. Your parenting, how you were brought up, the situations you’ve been through, good and bad, your brain chemistry, your DNA, the brain you’ve always been stuck with for better or worse. I mean, we know ourselves. We know that there are things that bother us in relationships now that tendencies that come out that we’ve always had. We didn’t decide to have our brain. No one gave us a choice of our brain with all of its stuff that is difficult to deal with or 10 others. We didn’t choose it. We got our brain. We got our upbringing. We got everything we’ve been through and that’s made us us. And we have context for all of that. And that allows us to give ourselves the ultimate self acceptance of this is why I am who I am. This is why I’ve made the decisions I’ve made. This is why I’ve done some of the damage that I’ve done.

That breeds acceptance, which breeds self-compassion, which breeds self-love and ultimately self-empowerment because we can say to ourselves, “Ah, I know why you did things the way you’ve done. I know why we did these things, and we are who we are today and that’s okay, but why don’t we try doing this today? Why don’t we try doing it differently today? Why don’t we try improving that today?” And you’re doing it by putting an arm around yourself and giving yourself a nudge, an encouraging compassionate nudge in the right direction, as opposed to shaming yourself and just telling yourself that so that you must do this today because you’re not as good as everybody else, and unless you do it like this, you’ll never be as good as anybody else—from a place of judgment and self-loathing and self-hatred and admonishment.

And the cool part is, once we do that, once we give ourselves the right context on ourselves, we’re able to then use that structure I spoke about, that two-part structure of “this is something I’m struggling with: acceptance.” Not “this is something I’m struggling with and I’m never going to be better, I’m never going to be able to solve this, and I’m never . . .” No, that’s not acceptance. That’s a feeling of frustration and resentment and judgment. And then of course the catastrophic thinking of, “It will never be better. I’ll never be able to change this. I’ll never be able to improve on this.” No. “This is something I sometimes . . . or this is something I often struggle with, or this is something I’ve always struggled with, but I’m working to improve it.” Acceptance. Empowerment.

And that’s how those two things co-exist because we often, I suppose, find the idea of accepting ourselves and bettering ourselves as being a paradoxical set of ideas. It’s not. It’s an acceptance of who we are now with a loving arm around the shoulder that says, “And here’s what we’re working towards. It doesn’t have to always be this way. We can still improve. We can still change. Plenty has changed in our lives up until this point. And there are things in our lives that we thought would never change and did change. So let’s see what’s possible. At the very least, let’s see what’s possible. Let’s have a curiosity about it.”

If you think about it, that’s what I’ve just done with you is laid out a key to self-compassion, self-love and a stronger relationship with yourself that can lead to stronger relationships with other people. Because when you come from this lens, you’re truly able to connect with other people and your relationships will get better. If you don’t have a relationship right now, I promise you, applying what you learned in this video will make many more connections in life possible because you’ll bring a much more beautiful lens to the table in your dealings with everybody.

There are other keys to self-love or what I call core confidence and I believe that core confidence is one of the great master keys to living an incredible life and to being happy. I have spent many, many, many days in my life beating myself up. And it’s always when I return to what I know about core confidence that I return to a place of peace and not in a turmoil.

I’d love to show you everything that I have learned, developed and packaged together in a program I have coming up this year, a place where I’m teaching this whole program and it’s called the Virtual Retreat. It’s happening in September, from the 24th to the 26th. And I would love to invite you to join me.

I would love for you to be a part of it with me, because together over three days, I’m going to walk you through everything I’ve learned about creating not only the life you want, but creating the relationship within yourself with yourself that you want.

I’m going to leave a link here: MHVirtualRetreat.com. When you go there, you’ll get a chance to apply for a phone call with one of my team. And these are Specialists that talk to people about what their goals are, what they’re struggling with and where they want to be in the next chapter of their lives, both in terms of their outcome and in terms of the way they feel. And we plot a course. We plot a roadmap to getting there together. And when you’re on that call, you have a chance to decide whether you want to come and join me on the Virtual Retreat in September. But even if all you do is the phone call, that itself can be a clarifying act for a lot of people about what they want to do in the next chapter of their lives or this chapter of their lives.

Go book your appointment for the Virtual Retreat to speak to one of my specialists. And as always, I will see you next week.

The post 5 Secrets to Getting a Relationship Even When You Hate Dating appeared first on Matthew Hussey.

This video will reveal what you can do if you’re worried you’ve fallen into this trap, or are about to . . .

Matthew:

Hello, everyone. We’re back for another video. Last week, we talked about red flags. Did you watch it? It was a video that struck a nerve with people. Anytime we talk about red flags, it always seems to strike a nerve with people. I think it’s because we really have that pain of looking back on past relationships where there were early signs that perhaps we should have paid more attention to, but didn’t, and in retrospect, we think, “My God, if I’d have just been more aware that that was a red flag,” or, “If I’d just been more in tune with myself and my needs, then I would’ve said something about that.”

Lily, on YouTube says, “I grew up in a very abusive and turbulent home. And for years attracted very mean and selfish men. I’m in my mid-forties and I’ve learned to protect myself by doing something that absolutely works. I ask myself, ‘Would you let someone treat your child that way? Would you let someone talk to your child that way?’Now I don’t have any children, but I imagine that if I did, I’d be very protective of them. And I have become my own parent in a way, the kind of parent I never had. And I watch out for myself now. It’s been a game changer.”

I mean, that is fantastic, Jameson. And we could do an entire video just on that comment. Luke says, “As someone who works in DV and SA, I think y’all missed one of the more obvious, but also scarier red flags moving too fast.” I think that’s a really interesting point. I have said for many years, when someone gets really radically into you very quickly and they seem to be taking you down a path faster than is organic to how much you know each other, that can be a little unnerving and something to watch out for because is it grounded in something real or are they just projecting or are they just someone who deeply loves the drama and the high of falling in love, but isn’t going to be able to sustain that when the real work of a relationship and investing in you begins.

And then there was a comment on Instagram from someone who said, “My newest red flag is men that won’t eat onions.” Obviously very diverse opinions.

Thank you for those comments. They’re informative and really elegant and articulately put. I was watching the video myself and I thought, “There is a criticism I could make of this video that I want to answer.” What’s coming up is me responding to a criticism I have of last week’s video. But I think you’re really going to love it because it goes deeper and it expands on one of the concepts in last week’s video.

Before we jump to that, big announcement time. Many of you know that the most popular thing that we have done in my organization in the last 18 months is the Virtual Retreat. So many of you missed out on it the last time. It was a massive, massive success. We changed 1300 lives, which was a record for us on the Virtual Retreat. We’ve never had more people, but word has gotten around and people are raving about this program. A lot of people were really upset that they missed it, but we have just announced the dates for our next Virtual Retreat. It’s happening from March the 18th to the 20th, 2022. And for the month of November, it is the best price you’re going to get between now and the event. There is a significant discount on the ticket price for this event. And it’s only available for the month of November.

And I’ll say this, also, I don’t think this is just something to do now from a price point of view. I also think it’s something to do now from a motivation point of view. I know that when I book something in my diary that is going to be a big achievement once I’ve done it, something that’s going to get me a lot of growth by doing it, it allows me to relax a little more today because I know that there is something coming up that’s scheduled, that’s set in stone, that is going to guarantee my growth in the year.

To get your special early bird ticket, go to MHVirtualRetreat.com and you’ll find all of the details there as well.

All right now, to the main topic of today.

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“Are your insecurities jeopardizing a potentially good relationship?” Now this came out of a video that we just released in the last week where I talked about people who bring … We want to be with a partner.

Steve:

You were talking about red flags, right?

Matthew:

It was all about red flags …

Steve:

Which is a hot topic on the internet right now. People are posting all those memes. What’s a red flag. What’s a warning sign. People are really looking out for those flags right now.

Matthew:

And we said one of the red flags is when we’re in a relationship with somebody or we’re seeing somebody when we bring something up that that is making us unhappy, they make us feel ashamed of it or they make us feel embarrassed for even saying it. Or they suddenly make us feel like we are not secure in the relationship because we’ve now brought this up. And the fear of that is, of course, what stops us, bringing things up. We get very afraid. If this thing up, am I going to lose my power?

And as I was watching that video back in the last couple of days, I thought to myself, if I wanted to critique this video, if I was looking to say, “Well, actually what Matthew Hussey’s saying here is quite dangerous.” Here’s what I’d say. I’d say, “Yeah. But what about when you are with someone who keeps bringing this thing up that they’re insecure about, over and over again, and what they’re bringing up isn’t valid.” What they’re bringing up is, for example, rooted in a jealousy that’s not rational and they keep making my life hell over it. Is it really incumbent on me to continue to placate them, to continue to understand or show compassion? At a certain point, isn’t it on them to stop bringing this to me because it’s not a fair thing to bring to me?

Steve:

Right.

Matthew:

And there are plenty of examples of this. You could have the example of a guy or a woman getting jealous when their partner goes out with their friends. Maybe it has nothing to do with whether that person’s doing anything wrong is just that they have insecurity around that. Or maybe it’s to do with our partner working and we get insecure that they’re not contacting us enough when they’re working or that we’re not being reassured that they’re still thinking about us. We feel like we’re with someone who works very hard. And we would like to be texting during the day and hearing from them. But we are not hearing from them. It might be …

Steve:

I’m quite a bad during-the-day texter.

Matthew:

Right. Now, again, we fall into this situation where in a relationship someone could call you out and say, “I need that more from you.” And you can say, “But that’s not me.” So if someone kept bringing that up with you, at what point should they change versus you be understanding about it. We have lots of different scenarios that this can take place in, but I’d love to talk kind of from both points of view. When you are with someone who keeps bringing up something that is unreasonable or that you think is unreasonable, at what point do you say, “It’s no longer on me to be understanding. You keep bringing up the same thing which is unfounded or unfair, or to do with your demons, not mine.” I suppose, in a way, what we’re asking is, is there a point where too much vulnerability can occur? Is there a point where vulnerability gets worn out?

Steve:

Yeah. I mean it’s tricky right because people see ideal of a relationship as I can say, what I really feel. And maybe I do feel insecure a lot. And that’s the truth of what I’m feeling right now. But you also know every time, like you say, if your default mode is, “I feel insecure, I feel threatened.” You know that eventually will push someone away. They will be exhausted by that. And so is the answer that you look for someone as secure or insecure as you, or is it on you to suck it up a bit and say, “I’ve got to figure this shit out because this can’t be nice for someone to always hear that I’m feeling threatened or feeling … They didn’t text me for half an hour and I feel abandoned and scared.” Who’s the onus on here, because like you say, the vulnerability thing has been very emphasized and has probably been good to that, where it’s been emphasized in the culture more. But when does vulnerability become like, “You are just smothering me with your stuff and I don’t need to deal with that all the time.”

Matthew:

Well, I think that we have to start from the place of saying what a lot of people call vulnerability is not vulnerability. In other words, if I said to you, Steve, “You don’t text enough. And it’s because you’re not thinking of me. And because everything else is more important than me. And it’s really hard to be in a relationship with someone who just isn’t communicative.” That’s not vulnerability. What I’ve really done there is made you wrong about a lot of stuff. I’ve judged your level of communication. I’ve made an assertion, a statement, that I’m not important to you and everything else in your life is more important to you.

Steve:

Right. You’ve interpreted all my actions negatively and judged me.

Matthew:

And judged you. Exactly. And done it from an angry place with a tone. This is not vulnerability. Underneath all of that is vulnerability, but this is not vulnerability. This is brandishing our weapons. This is, I brought my weapons out here. I brought my weapons to the party. I didn’t bring my wounds to the party. I didn’t bring vulnerability. Because vulnerability would be actually telling you what I was feeling, how I was feeling, not necessarily judging you for your actions, but explaining how I’m feeling and what I’m scared about or what’s making me sad. In other words, vulnerability is about, I us, it’s not about judging somebody else.

We have all sorts of programs that can help people with that. But let’s just step out for a moment. Let’s say someone is bringing it in a vulnerable way. Let’s some say someone is coming to you and saying, this is how it’s making me feel. And I’m struggling. I’m sad. I’m upset.

Steve:

Yeah. They’re being honest about insecurities they have.

Matthew:

Yeah. Let’s say they are doing that. Well, there’s still potentially a point at which that starts to wear thin. In the video that we just released, which I would encourage everyone to go and check out. It’s on all of our feeds, or you can actually go and watch it on the blog, on the brand new howtogetthe guy.com website, which we should say.

Steve:

Give that baby a click.

Matthew:

We have a brand new website for you to check out; howtogettheguy.com. If you put forward slash blog, you’ll go and see that video on the brand new blog. But in that video, I call this dumping. There’s vulnerability and there’s dumping vulnerability becomes dumping when we restate the same vulnerability over and over and over and over again, without actually doing anything about it.

So I don’t just tell you, “I’m not feeling sexy right now. I’m just going through a bit of a phase where I don’t feel sexy.” It’s telling you you that five times a day and expecting you to make me feel better every single time I say it. Now, I’m not taking responsibility for my feelings I’m making you responsible for my feelings. I’m saying, “It’s your job to make me feel better every time I feel bad.” That’s no longer vulnerability abdicating responsibility. I’m dumping my responsibility for how I feel onto you. And that’s what starts to hurt relationships.

Look, you raised an important point. Should we just find someone who is the same as us in some way?

Steve:

Like they’re same level of confidence or lack of confidence as us.

Matthew:

Right. But by the way that doesn’t really save us. All that means is we’re both going to be complaining to each other about the same things all the time. It doesn’t save us from having to deal with these issues. It just means I’m going to bringing you a lot of these issues and you are going to be bringing me a lot of these issues. They don’t cancel each other out. Where you go, “Oh, well, we’re both super insecure about this so neither of us suffer.” No. What it means is we’re in a situation where both of us … If it’s jealousy, for example, it just means we’re now in a relationship we’re both of us get really jealous all the time.

Steve:

Or we both scared the other’s going to dump us.

Matthew:

Exactly. That doesn’t solve the problem. What I believe is not that we have to find someone who is … You have to find out someone who’s chilled out in all the ways you are chilled out. Find someone with all the same confidence as you. Of course, that helps. Being with someone who has lots and lots of issues about lots of different things is more work than somebody who’s figured out a lot already in their own personal life.

Steve:

Who’s just more comfortable in themselves.

Matthew:

Exactly. But there’s always in a relationship going to be things that come up. I’m a big believer in something coming up is important. When something comes up the moment somebody expresses a vulnerability about something they’re insecure about, something that’s affected them, something that’s worrying them that can actually be a really beautiful moment, especially early on in a relationship. Because it builds trust. What you are saying is, “Hey, I’m showing my neck first.” You know what I mean? Like, “I’m showing you that I trust you with these feelings.” And when I do that, it’s like laying my weapons down. I’m inviting you to do the same. That not only breeds trust it. It gives you a license to show your vulnerability.

Steve:

And by the way, some people have been burnt doing that. Which is why some people will be listening to this going, “I’ve said it before and someone’s shown they’re really turned off by my insecurity.”

Matthew:

Well, listen. That’s why it’s called vulnerability. It’s not vulnerability. If you don’t expose yourself. In boxing, every time you throw … You can’t throw a punch in boxing without opening yourself up to a punch. This is very important. You cannot throw a punch without opening yourself up to … If you stand there with your guard up all the time, then you’re protected. But then you can’t win. You’re not boxing. Anytime you throw a punch, you expose yourself. You are making yourself vulnerable. The same is true in a relationship. Anytime you show a vulnerability, you are honest about your feelings, you are honest about who you are, you’re exposing yourself.

Steve:

But some people specifically, even men might be like, “I’m not doing that sh*t because I know what happens. If I go and expose like something I’m feeling and it gets rejected that’s a turnoff for them. I’ve started a chain of events where they’re going to get less attracted. I’m on the back foot. Why would I even bother exposing myself? Why would I even bother being honest?”

Matthew:

I think this is a really important subject to talk about with men in general because it is true. Men are told to be vulnerable and I’m a big fan of Brené Brown and her work. But I think that there’s an extra hurdle for men to overcome in that work. That I am being told that being vulnerable is a good thing, but I live in a world where sometimes I feel like being vulnerable is actually the opposite of what a woman wants. That if I am vulnerable, she’s going to find me less manly, less attractive, less in control, less bold, less confident. And she’s going to suddenly … I’ve devalued myself in relation to other men who seem in infallible.

Steve:

And he might be this confident guy in loads of areas, but he’s like, “I show a chink in the armor, I show weakness here, it’s going to get pounced on.”

Matthew:

Now, the truth is what that means is if someone pounce is on your weakness in that way … Again, providing that weakness, isn’t your go-to every day. That’s what will come onto. But if you show vulnerability, which is not the same as even, it doesn’t necessarily mean showing weakness, it’s just being honest about times where you don’t feel as secure or when you are feeling something that has hurt you or when you’re feeling sad.

Steve:

You’re struggling with something.

Matthew:

You’re struggling. If you show that to someone and they pounce, or they leverage that against you, then you’re not with an emotionally mature person in a relationship. You’re not with an emotionally mature woman in a relationship. You kind of, even as a man, you have to say, “That’s a big red flag.” If the first time I show that I’m not this perfect superhero of a human being this person can’t handle that then I’m with someone who’s looking for a kind of man that doesn’t exist. And that’s a reflection on their lack of maturity and their lack of evolution because they’ve not actually understood … They still don’t understand men. Let that person go and continue to look for someone who doesn’t exist. This is not someone I want to be in a relationship with.

But for men and women alike, repeating a vulnerability over and over and over again, this is what I think is, I suppose, the crux of what I want to get to with this episode. Repeating a vulnerability over time, whilst not taking responsibility for improving it, that to me is what harms a relationship. Initial vulnerability improves the right relationship. Repeated vulnerability over time, with no progress, no movement, can damage a good relationship.

If you take the example, I don’t know, of someone who does get jealous, but they get jealous over irrational things. It’s not that you are expecting that that person’s going to work that out and then one day they’re never going to be jealous again. That’s unrealistic. And in a way, the right relationship, we should be more compassionate and understanding towards our partner. We shouldn’t expect them to just … Whatever is the issue they’ve just worked out completely and it never returns. That’s not a realistic thing to expect of someone. But in a team … And a relationship is a team of two people. In a team you want to see your partner trying. You want to see the movement that this thing that you keep getting jealous of this time … Oh, but this time you wanted to get jealous and I saw that you actually decided to …

Steve:

You tried a different approach.

Matthew:

Yeah. You tried a different approach. You didn’t bring me that this time. I can see you trying. And trying might be, I’m out with my friends. And I know you get jealous. So I’m going to shoot you a message in the middle of the night to tell you I’m thinking of you. Or I’m going to let you know how my night’s going, because I just know that that will put you at ease. That’s my trying. Your trying is that you don’t make me feel like I’m doing something wrong simply for spending time with friends or spending time away from you. It doesn’t mean you’ll never get jealous again, but it means I can see you trying.

That, to me, builds relationships. And what we have to ask ourselves. If you are in a relationship with someone who keeps bringing … They’re dumping. They’re no longer being vulnerable. They’re dumping. They keep bringing you the same thing over and over and over again with no progress, you have to start having a different standard for the progress you accept. You have to remind someone that this isn’t about being them being perfect. Imperfect progress is still progress. But if there’s no progress, then we have an issue because now you are not being a good teammate to me. And if you are the person who’s dumping, and when you are honest with yourself, you say, “You know what? I’m no longer being vulnerable. I’m dumping. I keep bringing them the same thing over and over and over again. And with no different approach with no evolution.”

Doesn’t mean we’ll never argue about it, but are the arguments getting a little more sophisticated? Are they an argument where it has the echoes of the old issue, but it there’s movement. If I’m not having a different kind of argument about this, if it’s always the same one, then I’m not taking responsibility for that movement. And I am going to eventually harm the relationship. It is going to, over time, hurt the relationship if I don’t improve this. And this is a very important point, ladies and gentlemen, out there, when you feel something as a reflex response …

Our feelings, Steve … I’m a big believer, we don’t choose our feelings. If I say something right now and you feel something, you didn’t choose that feeling, did you?

Steve:

No.

Matthew:

You just felt it. It was an immediate feeling you had as a result of something I said. We don’t choose our feelings, but we are responsible for what we do with them.

Steve:

Yeah. It’s almost like that Daniel Kahneman thing of system one brain, system two brain. System one is the animal, reactive thing. And in system two is the longer thinking.

Matthew:

Yes. And if you say none of us are responsible for our reflex feelings, but if you abdicate responsibility for them by dumping them on somebody else the whole time, instead of improving your response to those feelings, you’re not being a good team player. You’re not being a good partner because you’re choosing no progress over imperfect progress. And sooner or later, our partner is going to look at the kind of teammate they have. And say, “I don’t know if this is the kind of teammate that I want in my life.”

Steve:

And good partners are not dumb. If it’s a good partner you have, who is mature, people do tend to judge on the averages of things.

Matthew:

That’s right. That’s right.

Steve:

They don’t always judge on single isolated incidents. They notice the averages of your behavior.

Matthew:

Which is why, Anne Lamar, a writer I love she wrote, “All truth is paradox.” In other words, for every truth, there’s a counter truth. Is it true that being vulnerable should improve the right relationship? Yes. Is it also true that if you are just vulnerable in a relationship, but without improvement ever that can harm your relationship? Yes. Both things can be true. But what we are looking for is to say, “I want a relationship where I can be vulnerable without thinking that me being vulnerable the wrong way once is going to make them dump me.” But I also want to make sure that the average of my actions over time paints a picture of someone who’s good to be in a relationship with.

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Matthew:

I hope you enjoyed that video if you haven’t already, I’d appreciate if you liked the video and subscribed to the channel. Hit the like button. Hit the subscribe button. Leave me a comment. Let me know what you thought below. I want to read more comments. I want to make a habit of reading more of your comments. I will be reading the comments below. Leave us a comment. And I look forward to seeing those.

And of course, if you want to the Virtual Retreat, I really hope you will. It is the event of the year. And if you like me as a coach, if you resonate with my philosophies on things and you want to take a much deeper, more immersive journey with me, this three-day program is where it’s at. I want to go on a bigger journey with you. I hope you’ll join us. Go to MHVirtualRetreat.com and I’ll see you next week.

The post Jealousy, Relationship Sabotage, and the MOST Attractive Strategy for Dealing With Insecurities appeared first on Matthew Hussey.

But I’ve found over years of coaching people in their love lives that there are some more nuanced red flags that sneak up on us in a relationship, and can cause us MASSIVE pain if ignored.

In this recent conversation I had with Dr. Tracy and Dr. Morgan, you’ll learn how to easily identify these 6 critical red flags. We start off with No. 1 . . .

Dr. Tracy:

What should people be looking for in terms of red flags? Matthew, maybe you want to start with this one. Where do you think some of those top things that a woman should be looking out for when it comes to red flags in our romantic relationships?

Matthew:

I think to me the ultimate perhaps not the ultimate, certainly one of them, the biggest red flags is someone who can’t say sorry.

Dr. Tracy:

Oh yeah, that’s a good one. 

Matthew:

I really believe that between two people who can acknowledge wrongs and take responsibility for them and apologize for them. I think that there’s hope and I think that there’s progress that can be made and you can build on mistakes. But someone who is unwilling to even acknowledge that they did something wrong or acted poorly or selfishly or made a mistake, it’s essentially an impossible person to build something sustainable with.

Dr. Tracy:

You just hit it rights at the start. That’s a big one. I think that this respect that we need in our relationships and having humility and showing up with that is so important in building a strong and solid relationship. That is definitely a red flag to be looking out for.

Dr. Morgan:

Yeah, I totally agree. I think it’s like piggybacking kind of off of what Matthew said, but this sort of like closed off fitness to change, right? When we’re with a partner who is like kind of this mentality of take me or leave me this is who I am. Don’t try to change me type of perspective can be such a massive red flag because when they can’t see that we’re all flawed in some way, there’s always room to grow and then they’re resistant to the idea of change. It makes it really difficult to be in a relationship with somebody like that.

I think something I see a lot in clients that I work with is something I call crazy-making, that’s a massive red flag and it’s essentially just inconsistency. Somebody says, they’re going to do one thing and they do something completely different. And a lot of times then you end up confronting this person and they have this way of kind of flipping it back on you or making you feel like you’re making a big deal out of nothing. And this can really start to make you feel like you’re absolutely losing your mind in your relationship.

Matthew:

Yeah, I couldn’t-

Dr. Morgan:

Go ahead, Matthew.

Matthew:

I couldn’t agree more with that. I think you highlighted two extraordinary important things. One is someone who says they’re going to do something and doesn’t. And I really think that relationships, the entire basis for them is trust in the transaction. I hesitate to call it a transaction, but when I say I’m going to do something, you can trust that I’m going to do it. Or at the very least, if I don’t do it, I acknowledge that I haven’t done it. I don’t pretend, I never said that in the first place. I don’t hope that you won’t notice. If it turns out, I just really did forget. I apologize for that. But the consistency between what I say I’m going to do and doing it is absolutely huge to any kind of relationship and the trust that gets built within it.

And Morgan, I really agree with that. The idea that someone makes you feel crazy for saying or thinking something. The basis of a strong relationship is vulnerability and humanity. There’s a distinction to be made because some people, I think they do what I call dumping, which is when vulnerability may say, maybe I’m not feeling very sexy right now. You know, to say that to someone may be a vulnerable act to admit that right now, you’re going through a chapter where you feel a little insecure, saying that to someone 10 times a day is no longer an active vulnerability. It’s making someone else responsible for the way that you feel. And, and that’s where, to me it goes into what I called dumping. But the rewind, if when we’re being vulnerable with someone about something that’s affecting us and they make us feel like an idiot for that, they make us feel embarrassed, ashamed ,judged and whatever it may be, that is a really, really, difficult thing. Because the hardest thing in a relationship is to be vulnerable and to feel safe to be vulnerable. If when you’re vulnerable, it’s not rewarded, it’s actually punished that’s a really hard thing, to come back from because you’ll find yourself shutting down and departing from your real self.

Dr. Morgan:

You are saying so many great things. And just this idea of kind of like accepting things that you normally wouldn’t in a friendship and you express some vulnerability as to me, it’s not this dumping you’re talking about, but you express some normal level of vulnerability and your friend like creates some, I don’t know, says something in response to you that makes you feel like complete crap, but you’re likely not going to take it. But sometimes we do in our romantic relationships, we accept these things from our partners that we wouldn’t from any other type of relationship. And I think that if we can kind of like step outside of ourselves while we’re in a relationship and kind of observe what’s going on, if we start to notice so many things you’re talking about being made to feel embarrassed, feeling kind of like crap, not having a safe space with our partner, this is a massive red flag that deserves attention.

Matthew:

Yeah, that’s absolutely right, Morgan. And if see, the trouble is when we’re in a relationship, proximity is power. When someone is really close to us, they have a disproportionate influence on what we think and feel and believe. And, that’s of course, very true. If someone were in a romantic relationship with where we’re spending an extraordinary amount of time with them and it’s emotionally heightened. So they have a disproportionate amount of kind of emotional leverage in the situation. So the thing that a lot of people experience and I’ve certainly experienced it in my relationships is bringing something up that you feel vulnerable about and maybe even ashamed about or embarrassed about you, and in some sense, being vulnerable is a very difficult thing because when you are vulnerable, it can feel like you’re giving up your power. Even though being vulnerable is inherently a powerful thing, to be vulnerable and to admit weakness, or to admit that you’re afraid it can feel like you’re handing power to the other person.

And when someone takes that and makes you feel embarrassed about it, or makes you feel stupid for even feeling that it can be hard to know whether they’re treating you poorly and, use a modern term gaslighting you, or whether it’s something that we need to hold true to, because what we’re saying is actually correct. And I think that’s one of the things, one of the reasons for having people close to you, who you really trust, who outside of your romantic relationship, whose opinions you respect, who you can go to and talk to these people about these things is extremely important. As long as you know, they’re not going to tell you what you want to hear, but tell you the truth. It’s very, important because it gives you a perspective outside of yourself that you’re talking about Morgan, that is actually sometimes very hard to get when you’re in it.

But if someone does embarrass you over something, I would say this vulnerability, shouldn’t be something that harms your relationship, even if you are wrong about the thing you’re saying. So even if you’re struggling with something, but it’s not founded in anything real, and it turns out that what you were thinking about was really just in your head, you should still be around someone who doesn’t make you feel like an idiot for feeling that way. Someone who helps correct your thinking and helps you understand that where it’s coming from is an irrational place or a place that’s founded in any logic. But at the same time, doesn’t make you feel ashamed for saying something in the first place.

Dr. Morgan:

I think what you’re saying is so key.

The post 6 Relationship RED FLAGS That Are Surprisingly Toxic appeared first on Matthew Hussey.

Every once in a while, Jameson and I pull out all the stops to create a video that nobody would ever see coming. And you’re about to see the latest one.

It cost way more than we should have spent. It took up way more time than we should reasonably allocate to a single video. But the result is so worth it . . .

Bryan:

My heart.

Best Friend:

Make haste. You have to get back out there.

Krystal:

’tis a war zone!

Protective Friend:

To protect your heart.

Warrior Friend:

To show them you’re serious.

Krystal:

I’m scared they’ll get too close.

Guy Friend:

With the amount of armor you’re wearing, that’s the least of your worries. Are we married to chain mail? I love you in boiled leather.

Ghost Woman:

Ghosts. So many ghosts.

Guy Friend:

I’m sure she’s fine.

Best Friend:

Godspeed.

Matthew:

Whoa! What are you doing?

Krystal:

Dating?

Matthew:

Is that a javelin?

Krystal:

Spear.

Guy Friend:

A full length spear.

Voiceover:

Dating doesn’t have to be a war zone. Get advice you can actually use. Howtogettheguy.com.

Bryan:

So you’re saying I’m going to be okay?

Matthew:

Bryan, this isn’t a broken heart. This is a life-threatening wound. You need medical attention.

The post Preparing for a Date appeared first on Matthew Hussey.

 Would love it if you left me a comment with your thoughts. What does “micro-cheating” mean to you?

Matthew:

There’s no shame in a relationship not working out, but it’s a shame if it doesn’t work out because the whole time you spent your time in it, you didn’t actually go all in.

Stephen:

So this was an article in Psychology Today that talked about how “back burners” are people with whom one maintains contact in the hope of someday pursuing a romantic or sexual encounter. And what it basically said is that roughly 70 something percent of singles have back burners, but more troubling, basically over half, about 56% of those in committed relationships have, according to this survey, let’s always take these with a pinch of salt. These are limited surveys, et cetera, but it is in Psychology Today. About 56% of those in committed relationships reported having a back-burner person or relationship. That does seem kind of high, doesn’t it, 52%? Or do you think that’s fairly human that people would have some kind of backup option in mind?

Matthew:

Well, it depends what you call a backup option. I think that it’s probably not high if you just define that back-burner thing as someone who you just haven’t explicitly said, no, there’s nothing between us and they also don’t know that you’re with someone and you kind of even casually keep the thing alive by texting. Then if that’s considered a back-burner because you know that there is some underlying attraction there, even if it’s not spoken, then it’s probably not high. That probably is fairly realistic.

Stephen:

And do we count that as a form of… I mean, is that just another shade of infidelity? Is it just a kind of micro cheating as they might say?

Matthew:

If you’re continuing to engage someone and you’re in a relationship and you, especially, if it turns flirtatious, you avoid telling them you’re in a relationship and in truth, if you find yourself going out of your way to not tell those individuals that you are in a relationship, I think that’s where you have to suspect yourself, is if you’re talking to someone who you claim is just a friend, but you’re not actually making it explicit that you are in a relationship. That, to me then strays into that territory, especially if it would be organic to do so. If someone says, what have you been up to and you happen to have been with your boyfriend or girlfriend for the last two weeks, or you’ve just been on vacation with them and you fail to mention that, then that to me, starts to stray into that territory.

Stephen:

Yeah, I think that’s right. But you also have these people where they would know you’re in a relationship, but if there’s some kind of subtle way where you are both keeping in contact as a like, well, we do have something and maybe we’ll see if we’re both single again, maybe we’ll give each other a call. And you’re kind of just keeping them there to know, “Hey, I’m here, if you break up with that person.”

Matthew:

Well, yeah, I mean, it’s tricky. If you’ve hooked up before with that person, then firstly, your partner in my opinion, deserves to know that, oh, this is, I’m maintaining a relationship here, but I have actually been with this person. That then should be something that you’re sensitive to with your partner. If it were the other way round. And our partner was friends with someone that they had been with, and now they’re staying friends with them and it’s an active friend. It’s one thing to be cordial with someone. It’s another thing to have an active friendship with someone that you’re maintaining, that you’re regularly texting them. You’re regularly having conversations with them. That’s a different thing. And I think it becomes, if you’re not careful, people can turn it into a form of, it’s like not really committing to the person you’re with.

Stephen:

Yeah. And it can almost be a way of slow self-sabotage because you’re inviting another presence to create jealousy, to create conflict and create problems that otherwise wouldn’t exist if you weren’t maintaining this.

Matthew:

Exactly. And then you have to say, well, how important is it? How worth it is it? What’s the reason I’m doing this?

Stephen:

Yeah. I think for some people, I think just the times we live in, it becomes irresistible for people to… I think they start with keeping tabs on their ex and then it might be checking in occasionally. And then it might be commenting and saying, hello. And I think it can become this kind of just keeping tabs. Like maybe if they’re ever single again, we’ll, I’ll hit them up or something. It’s just, there’s so many shades of gray. And it’s a thing, because I don’t want to create paranoia or anything. And I think that is a problem with our time where people have so many sources to talk to other people, everyone becomes so paranoid of, is someone cheating on me, is someone on social media flirting with other people, but they just think, well, I just want to keep a hand in the-

Matthew:

Yeah. I’m a big believer that when you’re still leaving the door open to those different options, you’re actually denying the relationship you’re in the chance to be all that it can be, because you’re not actually seeing who you are when you cut off your options and go all in. You’re not seeing how the relationship can evolve from a place of true security, true safety, real commitment. And there’s no shame in a relationship not working out, but it’s a shame if it doesn’t work out because the whole time you’ve spent your time in it, you didn’t actually go all in. That to me is time… That’s time wasted because you’re not going and doing other things. You’re not dating other people. It’s not like you are actually going out with any of those people that you’re “keeping on the back burner.”

You’re not, but you’re also not fully invested in the situation you’re in. You’re somewhere in no man’s land. Now that I’m thinking about it, when you talk about the whole back burner thing, that is an indication of our unwillingness to be present with the situation we’re in. It’s a way of not choosing. And, on our Retreat, we talk about how answers are a reward for doing things. We talk about this on day one of the Retreat. If you want answers in life, you have to actually go and do something. If you want answers about what the right career is, you do actually have to taste some careers. You do actually have to go and try something. You do actually have to immerse yourself in something. And that starts to give you answers. You can’t get answers by just sitting there and intellectualizing everything.

And I don’t think you can get answers from a relationship by being halfway in. You get answers by, if you decide, you know what, I’m actually going to give this a shot. I’m not talking about on day three of meeting someone or week three, even. But if you’ve decided to have a committed relationship with someone, then that’s the time to say right now, I don’t know if this is going to be forever or not, but right now this is what I’m going to do. And I’m going to do it really well. And I’m going to see what it can be.

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Matthew:

What’s up guys? Before you go anywhere, and I hope you enjoyed that video, I want to make sure that all of you know about a program I have called The Momentum Texts, which so many of you still don’t have. This is a program that I created to overcome what I think is one of the great problems of our time in dating, which is things not going anywhere. Whether you are burned out from being stuck on dating apps or whether you’re dating someone and it’s not materializing into a real relationship, this program gives you 67 counter-intuitive text messages that you can send or say in conversation that will get you momentum with someone you like. It’s incredibly practical. I hate generic dating advice. I don’t think it helps people. I think when people know exactly what to say and do, that’s what moves them forward. And that’s what this program does.

To get your copy, go to MomentumTexts.com. And before you ask, no, it’s not free, but it’s barely more than the price of a coffee at one of those fancy coffee shops that you go to. I know you go there. I know you spend like six bucks on a latte. Well, this is seven bucks and it will actually change your dating life. Go check it out, MomentumTexts.com.

The post What ‘Micro-Cheating’ Does to Committed Relationships appeared first on Matthew Hussey.

I can’t guarantee you’ll never be ghosted again, but I can make you a competent “detector of intentions” so you have the best possible chance of investing your time into people who are serious about a relationship with you.

“A guy promised he’d talk to me again but has ghosted and disappeared for months now. How do I stop feeling defeated and move on after someone leaves me clinging onto their words like that?” Look, no one can leave you clinging onto their words. Never, ever, ever give someone else that power over you. Never give someone that responsibility of giving you closure. Closure is overrated. You’re sitting there months later waiting for closure. No. Don’t ever wait for closure from anyone else because you may never get it. You may waste your entire life waiting for closure from someone. “Why did they do that? Why would they just disappear? Why would they break my heart? Why did they do what they did even though they said that they had completely different intentions? Why did they do this instead?” Never ever wait for somebody else’s closure.

What you have to do is give yourself closure. Give yourself that closure. You know what? The only closure I need is that in this particular case, a guy promised that he’ll see me again and then didn’t. You may sit there and think how’s that closure? The closure is, you had it confirmed that this person is not a person of their word. You had it confirmed that this person’s actions don’t meet their words and try being in a relationship with someone whose actions don’t meet their words. It’s is going to make you deeply, deeply, deeply unhappy. So you should be glad by the way that you’re not in a relationship with that person, because you know what’s worse than someone not keeping to their word and you lost them? Someone not keeping to their word and you still have them. Someone you’re still in a relationship with who continuously breaks their promises, who continuously doesn’t show up. That’s worse.

This person gave you a gift. This person showed you they weren’t who they said they were or that their intentions weren’t what they stated and has now given you the gift of moving on and meeting somebody else. But you can only give yourself that gift at the end of the day, because if you’re sitting there waiting for closure or clinging onto something someone said, going, “But what happened? The reality didn’t match what they said.” Then that’s the reality, that this person doesn’t mean what they say and that you’re lucky to have them out of your life. For anyone out there, anytime someone ghosts you, anytime someone doesn’t show up for you, that is a form of closure. People are always showing you who they are. Maya Angelou said when someone tells you who they are, listen. If someone tells you they’re a selfish person, listen. If someone tells you they’re a workaholic and they’re never going to have any time for you, listen. Don’t ignore the things people tell you and don’t ignore what you see. If someone’s telling you something but their actions don’t match it, don’t ignore their actions either.

And by the way, some of you might say, “Well, how do you know whether to pay attention to someone’s actions or their words? Because their actions weren’t saying the right thing, but their words were.” Well, here’s an interesting scenario. Well, firstly, when someone is telling you lots of lovely things but their actions don’t match that, it’s their actions you should pay attention to. I’ll repeat this because I’m about to flip it. So watch this. You’re going to remember this for the rest of your life. It’s really, really fascinating. If someone is telling you, I love you. I want you, this, that, blah, blah, blah. But they’re not actually investing in you, watch their actions, not their words because their actions matter more. But what about the situation where someone is doing all of the right things with their … almost playing as if they’re your boyfriend, showing up, spending time with you, doing all of these things that you would think someone would do if they were really into you, but they tell you, “I don’t want a relationship.”

You may say, “Matt, what do I do in that scenario? Their actions say all of the right things, but their words say the wrong things. You said pay attention to their actions, not their words. But their actions say the right things.” Here’s the caveat. I want you to remember this rule, because it may sound a little complicated. It’s not. It’s very simple. Pay attention to someone’s actions more than their words, unless they’re telling you something that is inconvenient for them to say. Imagine a pharmaceutical ad. I live in America now. The pharmaceutical ads here are hilarious. You watch three minutes of two old people who used to have back pain who are now skipping in a meadow, feeling fine, feeling great, dancing away and it tells you about all the ways this pill rid them of their back pain.

At the end though, as quickly as they can possibly say it, they tell you all of the ways that this pill is going to make you depressed and unhappy, how it’s going to give you suicidal tendencies, how it might create a massive rash all over your body, how you’re going to have constant nausea, all of these things that the pill might do to you, it says very quickly at the end. And a pharmaceutical ad wouldn’t say them unless it had to. It says those things because it has to say them. Not because they want to, but because it has to say them. Not because it’s convenient, but because that’s the liability waiver. That in a relationship, when someone is playing your boyfriend but at the same time telling you, “I just really don’t want a relationship.” That’s like the disclaimer at the end of a pharmaceutical ad.

It’s like, “Don’t look at this thing I’m saying. Enjoy us skipping in a meadow together, dancing, having the best time ever. Focus on that. Focus on that. Focus on that. Focus on what this pill is going to do for your happiness in the short term. Focus on that. Focus on that. Focus on that. By the way, I don’t want a relationship and probably never will.” That’s the part you have to listen to because that part wasn’t helping him in that moment. Not going to make you more likely to sleep with him tonight. Not going to make you more likely to think he’s a great guy is the thing someone says because it’s truth. If someone says something that’s difficult to say, you can consider it as truth. If someone tells you what you want to hear, that’s when you have to watch their actions to see if their actions actually back them up.

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Before you go, did you know that I have a member’s club that a lot of people belong to where every month I coach them much more directly than I do here on YouTube where I’m simply spouting an idea for a few minutes? This is real coaching, answering questions, working with people in their lives, and the things they want to solve. If you want to come be part of this immersive experience with me, go to AskMH.com for a 14-day free trial.

The post If You’ve Ever Been Ghosted or Lied to, Watch THIS appeared first on Matthew Hussey.

It’s a minefield of a subject, so naturally, Stephen and I decided to wade right in . . . I’d love it if you left me a comment with your thoughts.

Matthew:

Steve, to switch gears, I’m going on a Mikhaila Peterson podcast today and I can’t wait because Mikhaila is… I think she’s really, really interesting. I think that her story’s fascinating. What she’s dealt with in her life is fascinating. I am extraordinarily excited about the conversation. In my research, I’ve watched her, Russell Brand, and her father, Jordan Peterson, all together talking and they got into the subject of children. And Jordan Peterson said quite a bold statement which, as we all know, Jordan Peterson is not known for, but he goes, he said, “I don’t think that anyone can truly grow up until they have kids.”

What are your thoughts on that statement? Because I heard that and instinctively, given that I think people don’t necessarily realize this about us, but we have spent probably more time with women going through issues around their biological clock and the possibility of not having kids when that was in their blueprint. It was something they wanted more than anything in the world and maybe they don’t get to have them. Maybe they don’t meet someone in time. Maybe there are complications they didn’t anticipate. But we have dealt with so many of those issues that when I heard that, instinctively, I went, “Oh, that’s a big statement,” But I also completely understand the sentiment of it.

I understand where it’s coming from and perhaps someone with kids would say, “But Matthew, you can’t truly understand until you’ve had kids.” I always love that family guy joke where Brian, he suddenly realizes he’s got a kid and he starts saying to Stewie, “When you have children, you will understand.” He’d suddenly become so patronizing, annoying to be around because it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t understand anymore. He’s suddenly transferred into a world where there’s something he understands that the rest of the world doesn’t, that doesn’t have kids, which there is a bit of that. I think we should talk about that at some point, but what do you think of that statement?

Stephen:

Well, far be for me to venture my opinion against a world renowned psychologist. But I-

Matthew:

Well, I think your opinion is valid Stephen.

Stephen:

Sure. I mean, I don’t have kids, so it’s a dimension of life that isn’t available to me yet. I can only sort of pontificate. I think, I’m not sure because I feel like there are so many areas of life where if you haven’t experienced them yet, there’s a level of maturity and understanding that is just closed to you. Maybe if you’ve never been… He’s talking about growing up and it’s like, well maybe if you’ve never had a job you’ve never really been growing up. Maybe if you’ve never paid your own taxes you’re not grown up. Maybe if you’ve never had to support anyone you’ve never grown up. And you know, when you were in a relationship, you feel like, “Oh man, God, before I was in a relationship, I really didn’t understand what love actually was or what it is to actually have to manage other people’s needs as well as my own.” Right? You’re used to living your own selfish single life. So I am well prepared to accept that there is a whole sphere of life that is unknown to you until you have kids. And lots of parents say to you, “My God, I never knew how much it really takes,” or they say, “I never knew my capacity to love until they had kids.” And that I’m perfectly prepared to take them on their word for that.

Stephen:

Maturity though is a multifaceted thing, isn’t it? Because some people never mature in certain ways, even with children and there’s ways they stay completely immature and reckless and like kids. I mean in a negative sense, not the having a lovely, innocent sense, but in being naive and immature. There’s ways that people never mature in all sorts of ways. So I’ve kind of reticent. In some ways, it’s like, “Yes, I can totally see that, but I’m also reticent to put too much weight on that compared to a hundred other ways you could be totally immature and foolish, if you like, and irresponsible. There can be people with children who are extremely irresponsible.

Matthew:

I suppose the idea is that you can’t ever truly be unselfish if you don’t have children. The truth of that idea aside, I suppose where it takes my mind because that’s the world, this is the world we live in. My lens a lot of the time is how would that statement, how would that thought affect people in situations over which they may have no control? There is a kind of, culturally, I’m still fascinated by the assumptions that are made about success based on relationship status, marital status, whether you have kids and it’s quite easy… I’ve experienced as a man, people who at certain points in my life when I’ve been single, the assumption is, “Well, why aren’t you in a relationship?” And you can feel there’s a tone to that question.

And of course, women feel this to an incredible degree. I feel it, and perhaps you Stephen, feel it to an incredible degree, I suppose, from a professional pressure that sometimes people put on us. Like you should be in a relationship if you’re doing what you’re doing, which I don’t actually agree with, because I don’t think that being in a relationship is a personal choice and it should be based on the person in front of you and whether you want to be in a relationship as opposed to just the desire to be in any relationship regardless of who it’s with so that you can say you’re in a relationship. I think that a relationship should be like a kind of a dream career path. You do it because you feel compelled to do it by having found something that you really love doing as opposed to feeling like you just should, no Matthewer what, just choose any old thing and do it because you feel pressure to go to an office every day.

Stephen:

And this is why I reject, by the way, I reject the over ascribing of some special status to relationship, children. People can choose them things for really, really bad reasons and that’s where I reject the idea that someone is further ahead because they got married and had kids. It’s like some people could have done that in a completely ludicrous, foolish way that suggests complete immaturity. So, that’s where I reject. I reject the societal idea that there’s a continuum of immaturity from single to maturity, to children and relationship. I have issues with that because I think people make bad choices. I think people make bad choices when that is seen as just an essential, necessary stepping stone or even just, it’s always applauded.

Matthew:

Yeah. Look, I mean life, more simply, I think life comes down to choices. Christopher Hitchens said, “In life, you have to choose your regrets.” Whatever you do, you’re missing out on something. That’s just always true. You’re always, if you’re single, you’re going to be missing out on the experience of having, you get to the evening and you want to, I don’t know, veg out with someone that you don’t have to entertain or someone that you really, you love and feel connected to, and you just want to watch a movie. Then you might be missing out on that. You might have a casual thing or something in its place, but it may not, it’s not going to be the same. If you’re in a relationship or you have kids, then you, it’s going to be much harder to go around the world and travel or to do other things that you might want to do or to get the solitude that you might crave at times.

There is just always going to be something you’re missing out on. It is, I suppose, an interesting conversation. Perhaps Jordan Peterson would argue that there is just in the hierarchy of lives well lived that having kids is the kind of the pinnacle of that. But that’s an interesting argument. And I think that there’s a… Life to me, there’s peak experiences in life and having children is a peak experience. It’s one of those peak, it’s like one of the most incredible things I believe a human could ever experience in life, but I come from a world and I suppose from a coaching philosophy that wherever you are, whatever situation you’re in, in life, it’s about making the absolute most of your situation. It’s whether you’re single, whether you’re in a relationship, whether you’re going to have your own biological kids, whether you’re going to adopt if you can’t have your own biological kids, or even if you can, but you just decide that adoption is more meaningful for you as a kind of narrative, as a story, has more meaning.

I believe in making the most of wherever you’re at. And sometimes when I hear certain statements, it’s a kind of value statement in itself that says, this is unequivocally the highest thing that you can do and that there is no other. It’s like, there is only, it’s like saying there’s only one path to enlightenment. There are many routes there. So yeah, I’m kind of fascinated by this because I just, I worry, I worry about the pressure put on people in general. I worry about the pressure people feel to be in a relationship. I worry about the… Especially women, I worry about the pressure they feel to be in a relationship or the shame that they sometimes feel for not having found someone or the low self-worth and confidence that comes from not having found someone so much of which is projected onto them by other people.

Matthew:

And then if enough people at the dinner table say, “How come you’re still single? Why haven’t you met anyone yet?” Or, “Doesn’t life feel meaningless without having found a relationship or having had a family.” The more people say that the more it becomes a kind of a brainwashing that you feel compelled to believe. And then you feel deficient in your life, even if life’s going pretty well for you. Even if a relationship could be a month from now around the corner, you could meet someone a month from now or six months from now or a year from now and your life could completely change, and that’s great. But, I hate the idea that in the meantime, people think that their lives somehow count for less or are worth less because they haven’t found that thing.

Stephen:

Well, yeah. And you can be responsible for others in so many ways. And in some ways that might be one of the things, if I’m speculating that Jordan Peterson is talking about there, where one move to maturity is being responsible for others outside of yourself. And you can do that in many ways, but I’m more like emotionally libertarian where I think people can make sacrifice and take responsibility in many, many different ways in life. And clearly marriage and kids is one of the most obvious and most clear ways to do that. But I think there are other ways to do that. And I think you and I, through years of coaching as well, have just seen so many people who have been self-torturing, thinking they should stay with the wrong guy because of family pressure, because of religious pressure, because of outside judgment and stay with the wrong person and they feel guilt and shame. That’s where I think, “Man, this belief could be dangerous if people just think they failed because they are not moving towards that right now. And that’s my fear of people just being shoved into relationships and responsibilities that are wrong for them.

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Matthew:

Well, we’ve come to the end of the video. Did you like it? No, I mean, rarely did you hit the Like button or did you just sit there? Please like the video. Hit the Like button, hit the Subscribe button if you’re not subscribed, join the club and hit the notification bell so that the next time a video is coming out, I can stalk you with it.

The post Can You Truly ‘Grow Up’ Without Having Kids? appeared first on Matthew Hussey.

 If you’ve been wondering how to get your confidence back—the kind that can help you make peace with the decisions of your past as well as change what’s possible for your future—then you can’t miss this week’s discussion.

“After ending a 10 year relationship in 2020 while things ended on good terms and I have no regrets, I’m trying to reconcile with myself why I stayed for three more years than I should have. Matt, how do you get to that core confidence piece again or at all after having gone through this kind of failed investment?” Look, the thing that you have to remember is that you did the best you could with who you were at the time and the information that you had at the time and the stage of your development that you were are in. It’s one of the things that we beat ourselves up for at the end of a process. That process could be in a job that we stayed in for far too long, far longer than we should have. It could be with a family member who we’ve dealt with their stuff for far too long and we didn’t create the distance that we should have at the time that we should have.

It could be in a relationship where we spent so long with someone past the point where we saw the red flags, where we saw the writing on the wall, where we saw the ways that they were going to hurt us, the ways that this relationship wasn’t going to be what we needed. It’s very easy to look back and to beat ourselves up and because most of us are aware that life is short, we look at the time that’s been wasted and we beat ourselves up about that. We don’t just beat ourselves up for not acting. We beat ourselves up for all of the wasted time and the time that we could have been doing something else. We all have different belief systems. My belief system is that every step of the way we do what we were always going to do based on our level of development, what information we had at the time, what resources we had, what our parents taught us growing up, who our role models have been and our are at the time, what someone was telling us, what our fears were, what our level of confidence was at the time, what books we’d read at the time.

Meng, maybe if you and I had come across each other at that time, maybe you would’ve made a decision a year earlier, or six months earlier, or three years earlier, we’ll never know, but guess what? You can’t beat yourself up about that because we didn’t. You and I didn’t meet then. We met today. So you can’t beat yourself up about information you didn’t have or you may say, “But I did have the information, Matt. I read your book before that. I was following your advice or I should have done because I knew what it was and I knew the red flags because I’d already been through them with this guy. I knew what was going to go wrong. I saw it all. I had all the information.”

Okay, but then you weren’t ready. You weren’t ready. You weren’t at a place in your life where you’d been through enough of those lessons or enough of that pain in order to change. So you have to say to yourself, “I’m going to show compassion towards that me from three years ago who was doing the best she could at the time. And her best is different from what my best is today. Me, Meng today, my best is different from her best.” Your best might be different, by the way, because you’re now on this call and you’re having all of these new realizations and your brain is making new connections. And as a result, you’re evolving into a different person right now.

So you can’t compare the you that you are today with the you that you were then. This is a new best. So don’t blame the old you for not being able to do your new best. Be grateful that you have a new best and you get to benefit from it now because some people die before ever reaching that moment. Some people never get there. You’re still here. You’re still breathing. You know when people say, “If only I knew then what I know now,” I always think, the fact that you’re saying that to me means you know it now. It means you’re still alive. It means you can still benefit from it. You know now. So don’t worry about the then. You’re still breathing. I’m not talking to a corpse who’s saying, “If only I knew while I was still alive what I know today.” No, you know it today and you’re breathing right now and you’re saying it to me, which means you know it now, which means it can create whole different life for you now.

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I really love this concept because I have spent a lot of time in my life, beating myself up for things that I wish I had done differently. And the thing that has given me, I suppose, self-forgiveness, a huge part of that has been realizing that at the time I really did my best with the resources that I had. What’s exciting is that when we get a new input into our lives, we can suddenly open up whole new worlds in terms of what’s possible. The fact that you are watching this video now is a new input into your life, which is going to completely change what’s possible for you. People often wonder, “Well, how do I stop myself repeating the mistakes of the past?” When we get new information, new input, whether it’s in the form of advice, a new mentor, new information, new skillsets, that is the key to not repeating the mistakes of the past because we’re becoming a different person by what we input into our brain. I would love if it wasn’t just this video that did that for you at this point in your life.

I’d love if it was something bigger. And I have something bigger coming up right now. This month we are hosting my Virtual Retreat. If you don’t know about it by now, I don’t know where you’ve been. We’ve been talking about it non-bloody stop. Those of you who have been watching every video are probably sick of it. But here we are. If you don’t know by now, my Virtual Retreat is coming up from the 24th to the 26th of September and registration closes on the 19th. This is a three day immersion program with me as your coach guiding you through the biggest challenges and opportunities in your life right now. So I’m telling you now as a last call, if you want to come and join us this month on a bigger journey with me, three days of immersion coaching for your entire life, your internal growth and your external growth in reshaping your life to be what you want it to be in every area, come join us. Registration closes tomorrow. Go to MHVirtualRetreat.com to learn more and I’ll see you over there. I really hope you come. I’ll see you soon.

The post Wasted Your Love on the Wrong Person? Watch This. . . appeared first on Matthew Hussey.

Today’s new video could end up saving you months or even years of pain by providing you with the questions you should be asking when making this big decision.

Matthew:

I was training the other day. And the person I was training with said to me, “Matthew, why is it that people tend to hold onto relationships longer than they should? And why, so often do those people when they leave a relationship, immediately jump into another one.” There’s this uncanny ability to find someone within mere weeks of your breakup and then jump straight into another relationship. How do you see this?

I’ve heard it called before a long time ago, “Monkey Branching”, where you don’t want to let go of… Well, I suppose that’s the idea of not letting go of the existing branch until you have another one lined up. So I suppose “Monkey Branching” might be a little more referential of the idea of literally teeing someone else up before you leave. But there’s a similar concept going on there. What do you think is happening?

Stephen:

With the people who just jump into one relationship from another?

Matthew:

Let’s start with why do you think someone won’t let go of a relationship?

Stephen:

I think the won’t letting go one is more common in a way, because I think we as human beings struggle to let go of things when we should. There’s a famous, psychological bias called the sunk cost fallacy or the, what is it, loss aversion effect. Right? It’s endowment effect, they call it where the things we have are hard to let go of, even when they’re bad for us.

That could be a job you should quit. It can be a relationship. It can be possessions. We instinctively feel the pain of the thing we have if we lose it, “Oh no, maybe that thing was essential to my survival. Maybe that was a terrible decision and I can’t get it back.” And when you’re in a relationship, I think a comedian made this joke once. No one leaves a relationship at the moment the relationship actually goes terrible. Everyone waits another six months at least until they finally pack it in. And-

Matthew:

Well, let’s just pause on that for a moment because I suppose the counter argument to that would be, if I left the moment things were bad, then I’m the kind of person that doesn’t try to get through difficult times in a relationship. If every relationship is going to go through difficult times, and I leave as soon as it’s bad, then I’m a runner. I’m a quitter. So then it brings up the question, how long should it be bad for before you leave?

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Matthew:

Hey, here I am. Matthew interrupting my own video. It’s better than an advertisement for Dove. Instead, I’ve got something that could actually change your life, not just make you smell better. It’s a Virtual Retreat. It’s a three-day immersive coaching program that I take people through personally, live, wherever you are in the world. You can do it from the comfort of your own home, but it’s a program that I’ve been running for over 15 years now. And it’s one that can radically transform your relationship with your emotions, your confidence, your self love, and your direction in life. To find out more, just go to MHVirtualRetreat.com. And now back to me.

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Stephen:

Well, that’s it right? I think it’s more that people don’t leave when they realize there’s no repair for this relationship, when people have even accepted or they think, I don’t think this thing is going to change, or this has gone on too long. We still drag it out a bit longer.

Matthew:

What’s too long though?

Stephen:

Well, because we might think there’s no way to actually be happy in this relationship or there’s no way to get my needs met. And we still dither on making the painful choice. Sometimes that’s just because we know that’s going to go horribly. The conversation is going to be horrible. Sometimes it’s because we secretly are just scared that we’re making a bad decision, or we’re frightened of how we will now figure out our lives and identity without this person because there’s a whole rebuilding that goes on. And it’s like preparing for a big dive or something. I’ve got to strap my oxygen tank on. I’ve got to be ready. I’ve got to be prepped and trained because once I go down there, I’m not going to come back up for a while, so I’ve got to be ready.

Matthew:

Or you might be telling yourself they’re going to change or the situation is going to change. And I think a big question on a lot of people’s minds is, “Am I being crazy for thinking this is going to change? And at what point do I give up on the idea that this is going to change?”

When is the right time to decide this is not going to change? Or when is the right time to decide to throw in the towel on a relationship that you’re trying to fix?

Stephen:

It’s hard. It’s a hard decision. I have to say more often I see people though, who struggle because they can’t leave rather than people leaving too early. More common is people staying too long than leaving too early.

Matthew:

But if you think about it, when people stay too long, a part of that is because of the justification they’re doing in their mind where they’re continuing to convince themselves that this might change. They’re looking at it as if it’s still a question mark.

And I’m fascinated by that because whether it’s with partners or with family members or friends, there are always going to be things that we really don’t like or wish were different, or that create arguments, that create friction. And we have to almost start from the place of saying our relationship with a person is the relationship we have today, not the relationship we have in the future.

And there’s a series of questions we have to ask ourselves, which is, “Is it bearable as it is today?” If the answer is no, something has to change immediately. If it’s livable and bearable, but it’s not meeting my needs in the way that I would need it to long-term, then the question becomes, “Is this about to change? Is this something that can change and is going to change any time soon?”

And that’s the part where most people are not honest with themselves. Right? I had a really interesting situation where someone said to me. . .They were talking about how their ex, they felt like their ex was right for them, but they’d just broken up the week before. And I was saying to this person, “I see no reason why he’s going to change. What indication has he given you that he’s going to change?”

And my friend said, “Well, I just, we argue about this stuff.” I said, “But has he actually acknowledged these things that you have a problem with? Has he acknowledged them and showed a genuine commitment to changing them?” And she said, “Well, no, he, but he’s so many of the things that I want and so on.”

I said, “Okay, so firstly, there’s not even evidence from his side that he wants to change, or is willing to, or is making a plan to change, is committed to change.” And change is really, really hard. Right?

There’s that Jacob M. Braude quote, “Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you realize how foolish it is to think you can change other people.”

It’s hard to change ourselves, so expecting that somebody else is going to change, especially when they’re not even motivated to, especially when they’re not even committed to that change is fallacy.

And then I said, “Look, this person’s not showing any signs they want to change. And even right now in the breakup, he’s not rushing back to you saying, ‘Oh my God, I want to change this. I want to change that. And let’s try this again.'”

And by the way, in that case, you’d still have reason to be suspicious because you haven’t seen the change yet. It’s not proven. This might just be a panic because he thinks he’s losing you. And he’s now saying all the right things to get you back. Now, you might give him another chance, but it doesn’t mean that he’s actually going to change. It just means you’re giving him another chance, that you feel like, okay, there’s a certain level of certainty in his voice. There’s a certain level of commitment in the plan that he’s given me about how he’s going to change or how he’s going to address these things in the relationship. There’s enough there for me to say, I’ll give this a shot. And then I’m going to watch carefully to see if that’s backed up by real action and real change.

But he’s not doing that. And it was so funny because she said to me, “So Matthew, like in situations in your past where there’s someone you really wanted to be with, but you broke up. If they came running back to you and saying like, ‘I really want this.’ You wouldn’t be back with them?”

And what his here’s what it’s really telling. I said to her, “But he’s not even doing that. You’re literally giving me a hypothetical right now as a way to con yourself into going back to this person but for the hypothetical, you’ve had to say this person is rushing back to you, wanting you back. He’s not even doing that. And you’re coming up with this hypothetical.”

So it’s indicative of how people con themselves, how people create a reality in their mind that’s not actually happening and happening in real life as a way to justify giving someone more time and energy.

Stephen:

Right? Yeah. I spoke to someone recently who was doing a similar thing and talking about a guy who clearly had no intentions of changing at all. And she was saying like, “Well what should I say to him then to get us back together?”

And we talked it through, and it was clear she was doing all the work here. And this guy had shown no intention that he even thought these behaviors were a problem. But it was her saying, “Well, I said these were problems. So what do I do now to keep him?”

Matthew:

I want people to consider, especially anyone who’s been through therapy or intensive coaching, or has been on our Retreat program. I want anyone to consider when you’ve been through a process like that, just how much it took on your part to actually change.

Even though you’d commit to a process, even though you’d paid money down for a process, that it still required you to really show up and give your all to that process in order for it to work.

So then you imagine the mountain that you have to climb for someone who you’re with to not be showing that firstly, they even have a deep awareness of what’s going wrong, of what’s bothering you, a true understanding. And then not saying, “I’m sorry, and I want to change. And here’s what I’m going to do to change.” And then following that plan.

If you’re in the stage of just arguing with someone about something that’s wrong and none of those things have happened yet, all your work is ahead of you.

In fact, all the work is ahead of you if someone says that they would like to change and are willing to do what it takes. Still, the work is ahead of you. If someone isn’t even doing that, it’s science fiction, the idea that they’re going to change. That is a made up story so that you can continue to hold onto something that is terrifying to lose for whatever reason, whether you’re afraid of being alone, whether you’ve convinced yourself you’ll never find anybody else, or more specifically you’ve convinced yourself you’ll never find anybody else with these qualities, or you feel like you can’t handle the pain of losing this person.

Stephen:

And that’s one thing we do, right? We think the qualities are amazing, and that’s the real truth is people think there’s enough good things in this person. And then they try and sell themselves on the toxic behavior or the behavior that they know they hate. They try and keep reselling themselves. Well maybe that’s all right. Maybe I’m being too much, or maybe it’s okay. Because they think they’re smart, they have this, I’m attracted to them, I have a good relationship with their friends. And it adds up and it’s like, “Ah, this is too painful to walk away with. Maybe I can just live with this really bad thing that doesn’t meet my needs.”

Matthew:

See I’m… I have come to believe that our emotions get very heavily involved in the people close to us, whether it’s the person we’re dating or in love with, whether it’s our siblings, our parents, our best friend, even our boss, and even sometimes the people we employ.

There are things that we may deeply want to change. And may even get to the point of saying, “I need to change this, or I can’t have a relationship with this person.” But there gets to be a point in life where we’ve communicated calmly and in a neutral way, what it is we would like to change about the dynamic, where we have given many opportunities for that change to happen and space for that change to happen. And where we have it confirmed over and over and over again that this change just appears to be too big of a shift for this person.

Either the shift never happens at all, or it it’s never sustainable. It’s a five minute shift, and then they always end up snapping back into their default position and behavior.

And when that happens, we have hard decisions to make. We can either say, “I have to remove this person from my life or from the level of proximity to me at the very least that is making me this unhappy. Maybe they can’t be in my inner circle. Maybe they can stay in my outer circle, and I can choose to have them as someone who’s in my life, but who I don’t rely on, or who I don’t have such an intimate connection with, but they can’t stay where they are now.”

Or you can say, “I am going to make peace with this part of this person because I am continuing to complain about something that I have known about for quite some time, and it’s not changing. And I’m still here, which means the point of the problem has shifted over from them to me.”

That’s always a truth of any relationship. There’s a point at which the source of the problem actually jumps. It transfers from that person to us because that person is who they’ve been.

Stephen:

Yeah, that’s right.

Matthew:

That should no longer surprise us. They are who they’ve been. We’re now the person who’s continuing to complain about old information. And we have to then look at ourselves and say, what’s going on with me that I either can’t leave this person, and can’t seem to shift my or can’t stay with this person and shift my expectation of them.”

Because if we stay with someone who won’t change and we’re unwilling to shift our expectation, then we become the reason we’re complaining, which isn’t excusing their behavior. In fact, they could be a terrible person, but why is it we haven’t adjusted our expectation of this person? What’s going on with us, that we’re unwilling to revise our image of this person and of this relationship that we have with them? Why have we not lowered our expectation? Why do we still have speculative expectations that are entirely speculative?

Because we’ve never had those expectations met in the past, not sustainably. So we still speculate on the expectation of what they can be.

Stephen:

Yeah. Yeah.

Matthew:

And that’s when we have to look at our ourselves and say, “Look, I’ve only got three options in life. It’s either that they change to be more of what I need, or I leave, or I stay and I revise my expectations of this relationship in this person.”

People stay unhappy because they don’t leave. They don’t revise their expectations, and that person doesn’t change. So now they find themselves lodged in a state of unhappy paralysis.

That’s not designed to be a prescriptive rant to anybody, but more a way to look at every, all of us should be analyzing our relationships and going, “Where am I unhappy because I’ve expected a change and continue to expect to change that’s not forthcoming, but I’m not willing to leave or distance myself, and I’m not willing to revise my expectations of this relationship?” That’s a recipe for going mad.

Stephen:

Yeah.

Matthew:

So anyone listening right now who feels like they’re going mad in a relationship, my guess is this will provide some light, some understanding of that situation. And email us by the way, if this is you. Maybe we can read a couple of stories about this next time.

And if you’ve had an epiphany listening to this, email us at podcast@Matthewhewhussey.com and tell us what the epiphany moment was for you in listening to this.

By the way we have… Well, there’s a couple of things to mention. Firstly, there’s a Virtual Retreat, our final Virtual Retreat of the year coming up, and you can go and learn about that at MHVirtualRetreat.com. That’s MHVirtualRetreat.com. We are filling up fast on this Virtual Retreat, Stephen. We had yesterday, we did a webinar and we had 500 people apply for an appointment to talk about the Virtual Retreat.

Stephen:

Wow.

Matthew:

500 in a day apply just to speak on the phone about the Virtual Retreat. Our team has been well and truly log jammed with appointments.

Stephen:

We don’t have 500 people to take all those calls, so they’ll be on the phones all day.

Matthew:

We’re a close knit family unit. We have our cousin, Billy who speaks to people. We have Emma. We have Charlotte, all beautiful, kind people, but go to MHVirtualRetreat.com. And by the time this podcast comes out, they should have put a few more days between those 500 people, and this podcast right now. So you have a shot at going and getting an appointment.

Start your Retreat journey by reserving your one-on-one call with one of our Retreat Specialists. These consultations are free, but availability is limited. Get started now by clicking below.

The post When to Quit a Relationship appeared first on Matthew Hussey.